this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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Meredith, one of my other hamsters || Trans Megathread from May 12th, 2025 to May 18th, 2025
(hexbear.net)
Hi! I've been extremely tired this week and nearly forgot that I was hosting one so I'm writing this last minute! I couldn't think of anything so I'm going to write about one of my hamsters who is not Biggs; Meredith
Meredith was another hamster of mine from a few years ago during the early days of COVID, and she was the absolute sweetest little creature I had ever met. Very friendly, very gentle. She loved exploring anywhere I put her into and never bit me ~~okay she did once ever~~. She was an absolute sweetheart and bundle of love and was with me during some of the rougher parts of my life
She unfortunately died very suddenly out of the blue one day at a terribly young age showing no symptoms of anything wrong with her prior, which breaks my heart to this very day
I never had her as long as any other hamster of mine but I don't think I had any other hamster touch my heart in quite the same way. I miss you, girl
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Happy-Sad Sincere Posting (CW Dysphoria, self loathing)
Last week my partner and I had been listening to some Sufjan Stevens, so the algorithm hit me with the song Chicago while I was driving and I unexpectedly started sobbing. It's not really one of his sad songs (Romulus always fucking gets me), but it is a song I listened to a lot as a teen and one of the few things I guess I felt emotional about while I was quietly disassociating through high school. And I felt this profound sudden connection and understanding with my younger self.And I reflected that for years I had really hated myself, as a teenager, as a young adult etc. I had chalked it up at the time to things like "hey maybe I am a piece of shit", "maybe I had undiagnosed mental illness" and later "maybe I had internalized homophobia from an insane Christian conservative upbringing" (which was partially true too). But like duh, I hated myself because I thought I was a man, really fucking obvious in hindsight! I felt overwhelming forgiveness and compassion to my old self, but especially that sad lost teenage girl.
So like I'm feeling pretty amazing in a raw AF way.
Follow up revelations from my self-reflection CW grooming SA. Dysphoria
I also realized as a teenager ~16-17 I was groomed and sexually assault by a woman in her 30s that was part of a social organization I was involved with over the course of several months. Inappropriate stuff like groping, touching, cuddling, kissing, not things I considered at the time to be actual sex or sexual assault. Plus stuff like being bought gifts, frequent text messages and being given alcohol at social events etc. I didn't have a framework to understand that a woman could assault a "boy" and also how in hindsight I was additionally vulnerable as an unaware trans girl.Though in a darkly funny way I think my dysphoria around sex and being perceived as masculine prevented me from being victimized further, because she'd be like "do you want to come to my place after school" and some male friends would be like "she wants to have sex with you, that's cool" and internally I'd go "oh I don't want that" and make some excuse every time.
I'm processing this and actually feeling okay because I feel more insightful too about my old self. Also in a deeply fucked up way it's kind of gender affirming.