1. You're not over her, at least not 100% which is normal. Just because you don't want her back doesn't mean the situation you discribed wouldn't bother you. You don't have to act tough for us, where all literally anonymous strangers that will never meet lol
2. Work on your health, you'll feel better. Drink some water, stop drinking alcohol for a few month, start exercising, get some sleep. Do it for yourself, you owe it to future you.
3. Just avoid her for now, get some new hobbies. The whole music thing will still be there when you decide to get back to it down the line.
4. If you think it's necessary to move to a new city for your mental health or will help in some way. Yeah, maybe. If you like your job and like where you live then stay.

Get therapy.

You're conceding the win. An ex leaving you for you drinking only to hook up with a drug addict is to be laughed at I reckon. My ex didn't like that I smoked a little pot, she left me for a guy who likes smoking a bit of cock. Not that there's anything wrong with bisexuality but monogamy was something she claimed to value in the relationship.

Accept that's she's your ex. You had some good time and they're now over. You shouldn't have to upend your life over this.

Honestly I'd always advise not living in a small town, but even cities have small scenes if you are a musician or music lover, you might not avoid the same problem.

Remember that alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, if you are drinking too much don't trust your sadness, it's being amplified by the booze.

Breakups aren't easy.

Practice introspection and empathy. Personally I have gone from feeling like a victim with a ~~bitch~~ <(old me) ex to an emotionally intelligent person with a deeply flawed ex, and I am/was deeply flawed too.

Therapy helps a lot.

30 year old male, divorced last year after 9 years. Got dumped because I drink too much apparently.

30 - 9 = 21 which is the MLDA in the US (presumably you’re American?). You say elsewhere her father had issues with alcohol.

Break ups are never about just one thing but there’s usually a catalyst. Whether you drink too much or not is really your business but it sounds like you too realized you shouldn’t be together. I might be way off base but I’m thinking age and time are a big factor here, maybe some growing apart.

Even if only one of you was certain you wanted to divorce when the relationship is done for one it’s done for all. You need to figure out how to work through and process the end of your relationship. It sounds like you haven’t done that, instead expecting things to go on pretty much the same for you, except just without your ex. That’s not how it works.

If you can’t untangle the ‘us’ and find your way back to ‘you’ in the same town then space might help but if you don’t actually work through and process the end of your relationship moving won’t help. You’ll just be lonely and miserable in a new and unfamiliar place.

So naturally because I’m not the pretty one, she gets all sympathy and I’m now a lonely motherfucker rejected by a lot of people I once called friends.

From your description, it sounds like she sucks. But based on this, I'd say that either your friends also suck, or you suck, or everyone involved sucks.

Good friends don't just stick with one side of a breakup because they are more attractive. Even if it's a nasty breakup, good friends will be there for you just as much as they are there for her.

At the same time, I had a friend go through a breakup. I had met his now-ex, and was the reason they met. When they broke up, I and basically all his other friends cut ties, and hung out with his ex. Why? Because before he'd got together with her, I was already considering cutting ties because he was pissing everyone off, constantly being inconsiderate, and refused to take responsibility for his own problems. The only reason he kept all those friends through his relationship was because he was in that relationship - it felt sudden to him, but everyone had been wanting to cut contact with him for about a year before it happened.

Either way, the reason this sucks so much is because you failed to cultivate strong friendships with good people. Imagine another scenario: she breaks up with you, and you have a close circle of friends who support you through the initial period. Due to your status, notoriety, and relationships in the music scene, suddenly lots of women come out of the woodwork who were always interested in you, but knew you were in a relationship. You go out to a gig, and see she's making out with some douchebag, but you don't feel so beat up, because you are there with your friends with a new girl on your shoulder.

And ask yourself: what could I have done to make that happen? Your feelings of resentment have less to do with her, and more to do with your needs not being met in this difficult time. So what you should do now should be to find a way to ensure your needs are met in the future. That might mean improving yourself (asking yourself if you do have an alcohol problem), making new friends, picking up a new hobby for a while, reaching out to old friends to ask for help or advice, or yeah, maybe even moving to a new city! But know: until you can see her hanging out with your old "friends" and making out with another guy and feel okay, you still haven't overcome your issue.

I went through something pretty similar a decade ago: small town native, met someone that wasn't local, marriage ends, and now every single corner has rough memories. I ended up moving to LA, which is about as polar opposite as you can get from my hometown, just to get away.

My dog really dragged my ass through the dark times. Having a buddy that needs you and loves you unconditionally doesn't hurt. I don't have any advice beyond take it a day at a time. It's fucked now, but each day is a step towards healing and recovery.

Have you stopped drinking too much? Were you actually drinking too much or just more than your wife considered as norm?

If there is no problem with alcohol, then just continue to do what you do: eventually all will settle down, you'll find new friends.

Just another social drama. You're not first and not last swimming in that shit.

You'll manage.