This is the old pragmatics vs semantics issue.

Autistic people, speaking as one of them, tend to heavily focus on semantics in communication whereas allistic people tend to heavily focus on pragmatics.

Often autistic-coded characters in media make vulgar stereotypes of this divide and they'll have their autistic-coded character be extremely pedantic about the semantics of communication in a condescending way, which is played off as the punchline.

But, as it is, there's often a kernel of truth to stereotypes and this definitely tracks for autistic folks. (The first part though, not the condescension.)

What this means is that autistic people tend to miss a lot of the ancillary communication that goes on with allistic people that provides a lot of context, social cues, and signalling of intent and mood and other matters of social significance.

It's a case of "I have investigated communication and it turns out that I meet my own priorities for communication better than others do" (shocking, I know!) and this goes both ways; I strongly suspect that allistic people often feel as though when communicating with autistic people, a lot of cues are missed and a lot of the implied meaning goes over the autistic person's head (or worse yet, it's interpreted as the autistic person intentionally ignoring these signals and the autistic person is considered as being rude or arrogant.)

Essentially so much of this boils down to a matter of what emphasis and purpose autistic/allistic people have for communication.

ReadFanon has discussed neurotypicals failure of Theory of Mind eloquently, but I'd also like to elaborate.

Feminine people aren't just socialised to avoid direct commands, we're also socialised to avoid conflict. And if someone has directly asked an autistic person to do "task" but the person was hyperfixated on something or in a rigid routine (or they don't see the need)...the response to that can pretty easily cause conflict. The problem is the neurotypical is generally misinterpreting the cause of conflict.

Now, the correct response is to recognise when a person is in a hyperfixated state and either wait or gently bring them out before directly asking for task (non-neurotypicals love small talk on their interests, in its proper place).

But the response for neurotypicals is to withdraw and then use oblique approaches to pressure the person socially and allow the person to "want" to do the task themselves rather than force a direct hard power conflict. Which mostly just annoys.

Is the goal is to communicate information in the clearest manner possible? Or is communication that is laden with ambiguity, irony, hierarchy etc., in short, social information that is supplementary to the literal meaning of the words, better because is more dense with meaning?

ReadFanon claims that;

Autistic people, speaking as one of them, tend to heavily focus on semantics in communication whereas allistic people tend to heavily focus on pragmatics.

My experience though is that in most circumstances the kind of "dense layering of social meaning" that you're talking about is basically indecipherable to me in the context of an interpersonal conversation.

And so part of the reason why I might resort to "focusing on semantics" in the course things is because I'm trying to get the other person in the conversation to state explicitly what they would normally be trying to convey implicitly, because I cannot actually know what they are trying to say otherwise.

It's like subtitles for somebody with a hearing imparement.

How could they forget if they were never told so in the first place?

It's probably passive-aggressive

this is also my experience, i always make the mistake of thinking that people want explanations from first principles when in reality the socially correct explanation is usually first order causes. my SO once asked me why some water bottles go glug glug instead of sploosh when you pour them out and then they made a face at me when i tried to explain what a stress tensor was

the correct answer here was that some water bottles have wider bottlenecks than others

In defence of Grice, they are maxims and so he's being perspicuous in his choice of terms here; these aren't standardised guidelines which enumerate all the different permutations of conversations and describe exactly how much is the appropriate quantity of information or distinguish what is and is not relevant, for example, because doing so would be downright impossible.

I think that speaking with children gives you good insight into how these maxims are based on convention because kids will routinely violate these maxims and it can be downright exasperating at times but it helps illuminate how we have an intuitive grasp of what is relevant, what a sufficient amount of information without being excessive looks like, and why things like clarity, orderliness, and being truthful are important to effective communication (even if that intuitive grasp isn't perfectly exact.)

The ablism enters the picture when every mismatch in priorities in a conversation is blamed on the neurodiverse person.

Hard agree.

You underestimate how obtuse boomers can be.

I'm confident they probably asked them to do it multiple times and they didn't do it. And then it was finally a sunny day and they mentioned it assuming they'd tie it together with them asking to do the laundry the last 3 days.

But the trick is to practice and cultivate your native communication style, not try to follow NT's communication style.

Then you'll be doomed to be misunderstood by the majority of people.

I feel you. I feel the same way about voice chats. But something that changed my perspective a lot was seeing disability advocates talk about how a lot of that effect isnt really your fault, that communication issues between people are two sided and when its an Alltistic person and autistic person its not up to the autistic person to rise to the standards of the alltistic person only. There was a really good blog idk if it still exists called "real social skills" that focused on this, where some of it was tips for autistic people communicating but a LOT of it was tips on how NT people can better communicate with autistic people.

its social model of disability stuff I guess.

Its sort of like the "NTs expect you to apologize without explination, but for ND people an apology without an explanation feels incomplete" thing