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What else would happen in Heck?
You always pick the slowest line to queue in
The chance of you biting your cheek is 51% each time you eat and you are guaranteed to keep biting the same place for max recovery time
Every charging cable you use has a loose connection that isn’t evident until later when you need to use your device and the battery is dead
After you sneeze, the need to burp or fart raises greatly. You also don't have control over which one will happen.
(Or what comes out!)
You can never seem to remember where you parked your car and you wander a parking garage for eternity
Every time you eat something, some food getd stuck in your teeth and you can't get it out for hours.
Washing dishes, the cloth is always dirty
Every time you undo your seatbelt, the belf doesn't retract properly and you have to fiddle with it for ages, if you try getting out of the car you just get tangled in it
Infinite phone tree - Any choice takes you to the next menu tree but 50% chance to take you back to the start. The second menu tree just leads to an infinite array of phone menu trees, each with a 50% chance to go back to the beginning.
Or,
The land moves around at random. Your house (and everyone elses) might be somewhere one day, and in an hours time it's somewhere else. Good luck making a map.
The bimetallic strip in your rice cooker is always slightly off no matter how much you fiddle with it.
You're always stuck behing a tractor on small roads.
Your text editor randomly uses a whitespace character whenever you press space.
Everything is lighted with slightly old fluorescent tubes.
Obviously pointless deskwork and frequent sync meetings that always include non technical stakeholders.
Everyone sleeps on wonky old futons that haven't been properly maintained.
Food deserts.
Everyone lives in old non sound insulated krushchevkas with loud neighbours.
The landscape is an infinitely repeated template of an excessively concretised city.
Constant warm overcast weather with high humidity and still wind.
Everyone is always slightly sleep deprived.
The water is always slightly too chlorinated and it doesn't evaporate.
I have so many ideas!
Constant slight cheese and urea smell.
One of your nostrils is always stuffed. They switch regularly.
The only available tea is British. (sorry I hate bland black tea and bergamot)
No hot meals.
All cuttlery is either sporks or Korean chopsticks.
All cooking knives are dull.
The only available cooking methods are microwaves with dead zones and induction stoves with long cycles.
Spices are forbidden.
Everyone is left handed with specifically right handed tools.
Everyone has ADHD. Medication is unavailable.
Light itch that moves.
Everyone needs glasses. They're always greasy and the correction is slightly off.
Everyone has a small bladder and there are always queues in front of restrooms. That might explain the smell.
Everyone is on a sliding/rolling schedule.
Non skipable ads are backed in physical objects.
Shoes are all a size off.
Here we go again.
All video content is in a language you don't fully understand and with slightly unsynched subtitles.
People always mispronounce your name.
All interior floors and walls are covered in dirty carpeting with burn marks.
Chairs creak when you move.
Ingrown nails.
Light psoriasis.
Windows Vista is the only available operating system. Phones use the regular UI. Computers are locked using the Windows 8.0 UI.
All touchscreens function as if you were using thin gloves.
Keyboards have a 10% chance to repeat or ignore the last character you typed.
Computers crash whenever you're progressing writing an essay.
Randomly organized huge everything stores.
Frequent houseflies that walk all over you.
You have to make phonecalls. The sound randomly interrupts and a few times when you try to repeat.
All pens are cheap ballpoints with ink issues.
Tinnitus.
Dead pixels on screens.
Conv calls always have someone with speakers and a malfunctioning microphone that lets you hear a garbled version of what you just said with a one second delay.
Code documentation was never invented. Your job is to pay technical debt on random projects.
An annoying relative is narrating your life.
Stereo sound fluctuates in intensity between both sides.
Slightly stale American bread is the only kind available.
Heck only has public toilets.
The stall door squeaks really loud.
The gaps between the door and the wall are nearly half an inch.
There's always skid marks in the bowl and the last person didn't flush.
There's piss dribbles on the seat.
The toilet paper dispenser gives out individual sheets by cranking a knob on the side.
The knob is hard to turn, and sticky.
There's a small puddle of piss on the floor between your feet where you drop your dacks.
You are only wearing socks because shoes are illegal in heck.
You have 4 minutes each day to do your poos.
They allocate your poo schedule, not you.
If you go over your allocated time, the floor opens up and you fall into actual hell.
In actual hell, you only get 2 minutes a day on the toilet.
Every scratch ticket is a winner, but the prize is always less than the cost of the scratch ticket.
When cooking, everything is always undercooked, until it's suddenly overcooked.
every time there is a pause to what you listen to or think about, a random laugh track in your head follows after a short but unpredictable delay.
one of your nostrils is always clogged and runny. it can switch sides after some seconds of relief.
Every device you have will stuck in a boot loop forever.
More like it gets stuck in a boot loop 60% of the time, your devices are always crashing and this seems to happen at the moments when you most need them
All gum sold has been chewed already
A single ear bud is always violently yanked out of one ear just before your favorite part of the song. There are no wireless earbuds, just the old cheapy wired kind with those black, foamy covers.
You're very tired nodding off and keep rereading the same page of a book over and over
Tinnitus
I think that's reserved for actual Hell.
Every toilet clogs and overflows the water
Everytime you reach for the last cookie you find the bag empty.
No email or chat. All work communication are through scheduled face to face meetings.