this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2025

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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Trans Megathread from February 3rd, 2024 to February 9th, 2024 (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

533 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hi everybody! My schedule has been really unforgiving, so I may or may not end up writing something and making changes to the post later in the week.

Regardless, I hope you all have a good week!

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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

🎵I fell asleep down by a stream
And there I had the srtangest dream
And down by Brennan's Glenn there grows
A briar and a rose

There's a tree in the forest and I don't know where
I built a nest out of your hair
And climbing up into the air
The briar and the rose🎵

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

@[email protected] I forgot to reply😅

spoiler

https://hexbear.net/comment/5881998

I'm not sure I'd call it internalized transphobia, I'd more say it's my subjective experience of being trans, but you are definitely right about the reverse double standard. I don't really care about other people, but I hold myself to an impossibly high standard. Seeing it like that, the quote from your comment definitely seems like a horrible way to view myself😅, but idk I have a hard time letting myself be happy.

My goal is basically to assimilate in cis society. The one thing I truly want is a bog-standard heterosexual monogamous relationship with a husband and to have 3-4 kids. I don't really feel a need to engage in LGBT+ communities IRL, and I wouldn't be able to befriend anyone there as it would hinder my goal of being stealth. But as you say, I've definitely seen a lot of trans people online who share my self-conceptions, but I don't want to talk about it as I'll usually just feel worse about myself afterwards😅

I think I just need to log off and stop doomscrolling. Luckily the new semester has begun so I can go back to being a workaholic😍 And thank you for the consideration❤️

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

appearance, health

I use to be kinda hot. Trim, good amount of muscle, I put a lot of work into my appearance and was going to the gym somewhat regularly to weightlift

Time to get back into it arm-R

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (3 children)

depression, negativity, etc

I was thinking earlier about other paths my life could have gone down. And I don't see how things could have ended up differently, with being trans. Being trans has given me horrible, horrible depression. I remember "the spark" fading when puberty hit, and my depression getting really bad 15/16~ when more effects were more noticeable. It has not gotten better. I don't think it will get better. Being trans, the dysphoria, the social side, it has ruined me.

There have been so many things I've wanted to do, engage with, etc. That I haven't. Because I've been depressed. And I believe being trans is the center of all of it. Its what makes the most sense.

I don't see how its escapable. I am broken. My body is a prison. I feel alienated. I am not like them. I will not be understood. I am hated for being defective. I'm never going to be comfortable around people. Around myself. Its just suffering, literally forever, until I put a stop to it.

I don't want to be depressed for the rest of my life. I've met people who were- and it seems horrible. I don't want to be a self hating, alcoholic 40 year old one day. I don't want to be empty, and bitter, and hateful the rest of my life. I want to feel normal again.

It has all been ruined. I can't escape depression. The cause- the issue- is me. I am just broken. There's not a fix. I'm going to keep coping, at least for a bit, with distractions, and talking with people, and probably some less healthy things too. But I don't want to cope forever. I don't want to be depressed forever. If life is just depression, maybe its not worth it. I still- can't believe this has happened to me. What a horrible, cruel fate. I don't deserve this.

I just want to feel normal again. Be normal. Act normally, I want to live my life normally, I want the depression to stop. I want the dysphoria to stop. I want to enjoy life again. Its just... all tied back to being trans. And I feel like hardly anyone understands. Not like being understood would change anything. There's no changing. Cutting it off here because I'll just loop on this, over and over, like I have been for hours. I hope I got the gist across.

spoiler self harm fantasy, vent, kinda extreme so maybe just ignore. I want to slice my arms open. Feel the blood, the rush... god if scars weren't an issue I'd have done it there so many times. I want it so bad. I have never been able to do the self harm I want to do- before I die I will. One of the last things I do on this earth will be slicing my left forearm open. I have wanted to for years and years at this point. :::

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

someone said they liked my outfit the other day and i've been riding that high ever since. it wasn't even one of my favs but thank you

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