What skills do you have? : chapotraphouse

[+] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

[deleted]

[-] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

You see, attending college is like getting lobotomized. You arrive into the workforce with a -47 skill level and we are AKHTUALLY the ones who need to be compensated for having to train your dumbass to a baseline.

Wait, you didn't go to college and have +5 years work experience? You piece of shit, you trashy peon, you fucking worm, you shouldn't even be allowed on the streets.

[-] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

If you can beat the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time without a guide you have everything you need to be middle management. You know how to do resource management and solve puzzles. You can think on the fly. And importantly, you have an understanding of keeping track of what the problem is and who to go to in order to discuss it. If you can do this, are capable of communicating information to others, and give something resembling a shit about the information given to you then you will be a fair middle manager. Your idiosyncrasies will just be part of how it goes for others. If this is insufficient it says something about the environment others are making for you.

Just remember this when you wonder whether you're worthy to apply for anything

[-] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago

i can curl up into a ball and hide in the trash

[-] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

glances at character sheet

uhh can i roll a persuasion check?

[-] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

Checks you say? Do you know CRMs?

[-] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

rolls d20 ... 10

"I confidently know several Customer Relationship Managers, and specific experience in Salesforce workflows that enabled my team to accelerate customers to convert."

[-] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Customer Relationship Managers

specific experience

Salesforce workflows

enabled

my team

accelerate customers to convert.

c-c-combo Breaker

pants jaw drops to the floor

awooga

heart beats visibly from chest

That’s at least 8 different skills, holy wow!!! Let’s go have lunch!

[-] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

d20-ah-fuck

Stealth check failed

You awkwardly watch as I dip under the desk and crawl out of the office

[-] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

I don't complain when I work. Doesn't sound like much but after you work enough you realize stuff like that is actually the important stuff

[-] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago

Good, you'll dovetail nicely with me onsite i complain enough for at least 2 people

[-] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

This is what we in the biz call synergy

[-] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

I didn’t realise this was a rant I was going to answer seriously :agony:

[-] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

I can only read this in Yugopnik's voice.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

The objectively correct default.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills...

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

lol dammit, I was gonna do this but I was gonna spell it "numchuck" and chortle to myself abt it.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

Saving Throws Con +10, Int +12, Wis +9
Skills Arcana +19, History +12, Insight +9, Perception +9

saruman-orb

[-] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

I’m really cute doggirl-kiss

[-] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

I can swallow more AAA batteries before passing out than anyone else in the emergency room!

[-] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

I can make some sick farting sounds with my mouth.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I'm forklift certified!

I also have above average upper body strength and can type fast.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

Me still saying I can type 90+ WPM like I'm special

My boss typing at 150 WPM and consistently beating me at typeracer

[-] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

I think i can only do 60wpm on a good day so i think you're pretty special

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Ur boss.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I can top 80 sometimes, but I never have to look at the keyboard, no legends on the keys either... I'm kinda a big deal in some circles.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

Unironically my skill in shitty environments and employments is that I'm a discipline black hole who will lower the entire standard of broom-up-ass behavior expected of people. I will crack jokes, tell stories, and offer everyone hits from my vape

[-] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I contribute nothing to society, but I have a Personal Brand^TM^. I'd like my starting salary of 3 million dollars, please.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

I fix things and I can make you cum (I refuse to make you cum). badeline-jokerfied

[-] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

I take it I'm not the only one stuck doing performance reviews right now.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

I'm good at creating vibes. I play guitar, and my band does a combo of doom/drone/noise that I call 'Cthulhu Doomnoise' and I always refer to our shit as 'moods' rather than songs.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Lost my Skills Wallet in the SwinZone circa 2019.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I have no skills :cheems: sorry