this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2024
74 points (98.7% liked)

chapotraphouse

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Ah yes, dying horribly in a never ending fascist war machine is so much preferable to orgies!

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 days ago (9 children)

They all think they'd be a Space Marine

They never think they'd be the scutman who dies because the planetary governor accidentally launched a viral bomb into their house

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We're in 401320 motherfucker, you are a servo skull. You live on Mars. You are a peasant. You need to give your techpriest the fucking sector scans.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Not even a very well decorated servo skull

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

all grey plastic, not even painted

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Dipped in Walmart craft paint and left to dry laying on a paper towel.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Imperial population is likely several trillion at the low end

Space Marine population is nominally one million, in reality probably far less

Not that chuds have ever been good at math.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (2 children)

James workshop is also very bad at scale in their own universe though. You'll have 100 year full scale wars over entire systems and the lore will say some shit like "3 million casualties of IG over the course of the war"; like that's probably not even in the top 10 casualties list of imperial Chinese rebellions.

Worse is their space marine treatment, where apparently a million known space marines is enough to serve as shock troops over the entirety of their holdings in the galaxy.

Rule of cool and all, but every time I see a 40k novel mention numbers I have to add two zeros to the end for it to actually make sense given the quadrillions of imperials and the other quadrillions of their enemies.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

100% in general, famously the leman russ tank has a comically small amount of armor. But when it comes to space marines specifically, imo part of the point is that the symbol of the Imperium's strength is spread too thin and is completely lacking, which is part of why the Imperium has been in a constant spiraling decline for over ten thousand years. I'll admit this take makes a bit less sense since they started advancing the timeline.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Imperial population is likely several trillion at the low end

Earth/Terra alone is supposed to have a few quadrillion.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Umm, uhhh, Terra isn't a recruiting world for any chapters so it doesn't count doggirl-sweat

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Complaining about the US govt being too big and then identifying with the Imperium in 40K is wild. In lore, people spend their entire fucking lives waiting in line for some bureaucracy shit with the Administratum on Holy Terra.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago

Some places require several generations of waiting in line to get tickets to go see the Imperial Palace on Terra. The wait is so long with such a high demand it takes decades or even centuries just so your great-grandkids can go die of heart failure at 96 years old trying to climb what's left of the Himalayas.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is why I stay away from Warhammer

That and money

Mostly money

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Warhammer fans make Skiing look cheap.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It's funny how they look at a setting barely less overtly satirical than Judge Dredd (to the point of having cops in it that are literally outright homages) completely saturated by the quite specific miserable, dystopian vibes of 80s England under Thatcher, and go "yes please!". And by funny I mean Khorne is going to manifest in reality through the conduit of my brain.

I also hate the way chuds spam out God-Emperor memes for whichever pathetic whiteboy they're jacking themselves off to at any given moment, when the canonical Emperor was an Anatolian born in 10,000BC with a gestalt soul formed from the shamans of every tribe living on Earth at the time. The 'Avatar of Humanity' is not going to be white.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

In every single bit of official media displaying Emps, they're not white. Usually has a bronze skin-tone. Whenever I see a "white emps" I get IMMEDIATELY suspicious.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I'm more of a Tzeentchian girl myself, but I wouldn't mind giving in to Slaanesh.

Also, imagine liking the most boring fucking faction in the world. The Ultramarines. Fucking Rowboat Gorillaman is such a Mary Sue loser.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Personally I think Grandfather Nurgle should be the official ruinous power of HexBear but that's just me.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Nah, Nurgle is all about stagnation. Vote Tzeentch for CHANGE 2028 and we will bring in immaterial communism!

I do however support Nurglings.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No, Nurgle is also the king of rebirth. Unlike the other ruinous powers he wants to destroy the galaxy so that it can be created anew, freed from the shackles of corpse emperor.

You clearly haven't read enough theory!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Please, stop fighting, Hexbear is a chaos unity site

How can we expect to defeat necro-capitalism and its corpse emperors biden-horror sad-boi without all our contradictory aspects?

The Great Game has only precluded this

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago

Isn't literally the entire point of warhammer that the endless violence and suffering fuels the chaos and is basically the reason it exists in the first place.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 days ago

They all imagine they'll be space marines rather than some sickly hive citizen that gets got by the feeeeeeeemales of clan Escher.

Even in the grim darkness of the 41st millenia incels will still be terrified of women, but this time it won't be the incels gunning women down.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

If the emperor showed up claiming to be my daddy and forced me to abandon my slave-gladiator-rebel allies on the eve of battle with the noble armies coming to crush them, I too would be a terrible manager and betray him at the first opportunity.

Anyway Angron was set up, he didn't choose to get the nuralink installed

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The Emperor could have probably had him onside forever if he'd just teleported down and killed the slavers but no he was too busy arguing with Malcador that there should be no girlz allowed in the army because they have cooties.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

He could've just given Angron command of his legion at that time and he would've been forever loyal.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Just popping in to let all the filthy mon'keigh mongrels know that Eldar Craftworlds are canonically communism. Sucks to suck.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Really? Aren't Tau supposed to be Communism?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago (7 children)

Tau used to be a lot cooler, but the grimdark fan lads did a massive cry about weeabooification of their grimdork nonsense setting. Now the tau are a lot less cool with mind control and sterilisation camps etc etc

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

Notably, the Tau were introduced only a few years after the setting turned grimdark.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Farsight Enclaves? Not perfect but feels revolutionary.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The joke on r/sigmarxism was always that Farsight Enclaves was a junta, and we should uphold Tau'va thought

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

Communism is when caste system...

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago

Me, as an imperial guard conscript: this sucks ass, dying out here to soak up bullets for those big metal assholes

Me, as a Gue'vesa auxiliary: wow, this rocks. I get to break enemy lines for funny robot guy over-your-head

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I thought whole point of that setting is that literally everyone is sacrificed to war, regardless of the side. Space marines are one in a million combatants at best, just like how chaos has one cool demon for every jillion little bullshit mobs.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Honestly the only good faction to be in is Orks, because while they all die horribly in war, they're genetically engineered to FUCKING LOVE IT! It's their favorite thing ever being ripped apart in bloody combat!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Orks are moral because they follow the golden rule: do onto others(war) as you would have them do unto you(also war).

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Orks just think everyone is having a fun time.

"wut? Da oomans don't like it when we blast em with da shootas? I thought we wuz just havin a good ol waaaarrrrgggghhhh!"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

also part of their natural reproductive cycle, right?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

It's that "wow! cool future!" meme except they're doing it unironically.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Left wing this, right wing that, I just wanna grill for hive's sake

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Chaos this, emperor that, I just wanna WAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH goddammit!

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

woe betide every single imperium larper

fucking idiots

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