this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2024
662 points (99.3% liked)

Not The Onion

12358 readers
418 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 269 points 1 month ago (16 children)

"At no point did I indicate my position, nor did I ask the responders to do anything that they would not, had not, or have not done for anyone else who makes a business dispute call."

What the fuck is even a "business dispute call"? The police are not supposed to be involved in "business disputes" at all. If he thinks his deputies are supposed to speed through city streets to placate some Karen at Burger King, then he's beyond educating and should just be removed from his position.

[–] [email protected] 159 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Also a big red flag that he wanted them to identify the owner or a manager, because that's not fucking ominous when a cop is abusing his power and no longer wants to settle for a refund.

[–] [email protected] 92 points 1 month ago

Yeah, the store manager was right to keep their identity as hidden as possible. That dude's a textbook narcissist, and will absolutely abuse any information he gets.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well he clearly must think the police are the Mafia, who would be called in to handle business disputes.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago

I mean.....the police ARE the mafia. The biggest, and legalized mafia in the country.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He was wearing camo and a tactical vest. So even if they didn't know he was a cop he looked like a guy ready for trouble.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

He might as well tattoo "insecure coward" on his forehead.

load more comments (13 replies)
[–] [email protected] 103 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I just, I don't know how to respond to shit like this. Your taxpayer dollars were spent on this. You as a taxpayer had to pay for this if you live in that county. I don't even know what words to put to that or even how to describe the feeling that gives me. I think it's the beginnings of an aneurysm is what I think it might be.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago

People actually voted for that guy

[–] [email protected] 100 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

"I was not in my uniform, and at no point in my interaction with the staff did I identify myself as a member of the law enforcement community," Sheriff Owens said. "At no point did I indicate my position, nor did I ask the responders to do anything that they would not, had not, or have not done for anyone else who makes a business dispute call."

That's disingenuous. The 911 operator, who works for the police department, obviously knows the name of the sheriff. Any police department flags calls from police officers, including non-emergency calls. The sheriff should have known better than to waste public resources to strongarm a business when he could have simply emailed a complaint to corporate.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago

Everytime you are in a meeting that could have been an email, remember that there are police raids that could be solved by looking at Google maps for 30sec.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago (3 children)

And pointedly, the police only respond for criminal issues. They are not going to assist you in a civil dispute like this. Unless you're the fucking sheriff. The best that could happen is the police come to trespass the caller.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Birdie 21 points 1 month ago

If 3 patrol cars speed through town with lights flashing and sirens blaring anytime anyone needs a manager's phone number, that's even worse, sheriff.

Over a freaking whopper! This was totally an abuse of power. I'd love to see what happened to make the employees feel so unsafe that they'd lock the doors.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 month ago (2 children)

many upset customers would act out violently or even resort to talking

Oh shit, TALKING?! That's going too far!

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago

Lol was looking for this comment. Pretty sure they meant stalking but that is a funny typo

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

It's 2024, the only acceptable way is TEXTING ANGRILY ON ALL CAPS AND IN BOLD

[–] [email protected] 82 points 1 month ago

"Chief Wiggum requesting backup. We have an attempted 10-52 here, I repeat 10-52. Attempted salad against a public safety officer. SEND EVERYONE!"

[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Farva : Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.

Burger Guy : [into mic] Double baco cheeseburger. It's for a cop.

Farva : What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?

Burger Guy : No, I just told him that so he makes it good.

[into mic] Burger Guy : Don't spit in that cop's burger.

Farva : Yeah, thanks.

Second Burger Guy : Roger, hold the spit.

Farva : Gimme a pie... apple.

Burger Guy : Want me to hold the spit? Hah, just kidding officer Farva.

Burger Guy : Want me to dimpa-size your meal for 25 cents?

Farva : Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?

Burger Guy : It's only 25 cents, and look how much more you get.

Thorny : Look, kid, he doesn't want it.

Farva : I can handle this, Thorn. I don't want it!

Burger Guy : Uhh, right. Beverage?

Farva : Gimme a litre o' cola.

Burger Guy : What?

Farva : A litre o' cola!

Burger Guy : [into mic] Litrecola? Do we sell litrecola?

Thorny : Will you just order a large, Farva?

Farva : I don't want a large farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola!

Burger Guy : I don't know what that is!

Farva : Litre is French for... give me my fuckin' cola before I break VOUS FUCKIN' LIP!

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

🍔That look like spit to you?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

Ah, fuck it

nooom nom nom

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 month ago

See? This is why trump is so close.

A joke of a country. That’s what it is.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 month ago

So... the sheriff's decided he didn't want to call burger King corporate to file a business complaint... but instead call for backup so that city employees could find the phone number for him? He should have to pay a fine for this.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I always imagined that Cartman was an elementary school kid, perhaps not

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The employees unlocked the doors for the deputies, and explained that many upset customers would act out violently or even resort to talking, so they were just trying to be safe, according to the video.

Good lord... Talking. How could they?

[–] Birdie 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

yeah, that has to be some kind of typo.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 month ago

Someone didn't get his liter cola.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (6 children)

Ramirez! Secure the burger town!!!

Aye sir! [automatic weapons fire]

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It time to commit puts on sunglasses burger regicide

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Cop: They're tryin' to kill me here, they know I'm ay-lergic to lettuce!

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

meanwhile criminals taking advantage of the fact that the police are distracted by stupid shit. nice job.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's all in the game. Cops spend time doing stupid bullshit, criminals commit more crime, and the net result is a cop budget increase because we need to deal with our crime problem.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

Lol the cop was the Karen calling the cops on bs fast food complaint. Except it was officer Karen so backup actually came and behaved like the attack dogs karens imagine.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

What would happen if we called their office and ordered a burger? 😂😂

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

I'd like to point out that there is very clearly onion in the photo of the burger here

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

When deputies first arrived at the scene, they realized the restaurant's doors were locked, despite employees still being inside. The employees unlocked the doors for the deputies and explained that many upset customers would act out violently or even resort to talking, so they were just trying to be safe, according to the video.

Oh no, the customers might resort to talking! Quick! Lock the doors!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I don't understand why they refused to correct his order or refund him, but this was clearly an abuse of power.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You are assuming the Sheriff acted totally normal just before abusing their power.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I doubt their standard procedure is to give wrong food to customers and then lock the doors. Something else happened prior to what is told in the story.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

next time a cop almost takes me out running a red light, I'm going to assume he's heading for a burger

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

Fuck! I think this was The Onion. This chocky bar is too much for me, I think.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Want me to punchisise your face? For free?!

load more comments
view more: next ›