this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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The photo is a 1974 photo of Leslie Feinberg, from the FBI file on hir. I've written a piece on my interpretation of Transgender Warriors and Trans Liberation, but I don't think it's quite polished enough, so I'll post it later. Instead, I'll go over hir FBI file: https://s3.amazonaws.com/NARAprodstorage/lz/dc-metro/rg-065/6282555/Batch0010/6282555_100-HQ-480756.PDF.

The FBI thought Feinberg could be violating the Communist Control Act, advocating the overthrow of the government, and engaging in rebellion. Needless to say, a hero to all of us. Feinberg was a member of the Workers World Party (the party still exists, but more notably PSL split from it), which apparently wasn't openly advocating for the overthrow of the U.S, they just think it's inevitable.

My favorite line? "captioned subject is believed to be a white female, who became male through some kind of sex change operation, and is possibly homosexual". Some interesting language choice, and it's an interesting snapshot into the evolution of Leslie's identity.

The FBI found Leslie's place of birth and birthdate from public school records. It's a bit of an interesting look into all of the many places the FBI can get their information, along with how information like that was so much more patchwork before the digital age.

"Interview of subject is not being recommended because of the questionable nature of his sexuality". Hmm, interesting.

It's interesting how their investigation spanned multiple cities, from Kansas City to NYC to Bufffalo to Boston. It probably involved quite a few officers, though I'm sure it wasn't the main focus for all of them.

There's some interesting mention about changes in Leslie's gender identity. Born a girl, for a time wearing a beard and mustache, then going back to "she". I'm sure we all know, Feinberg's gender didn't stop evolving there.

"Subject reportedly contributes all extra money to WWP", Leslie definitely was dedicated to the cause. Leslie doesn't attend NYC WWP meetings, but the FBI doesn't mention why.

The FBI isn't immune to typoes, Leslie did some "criminal terspass" that garnered some attention.They wasted some time checking if Leslie was in Boston, but verified where Leslie in NYC lived by pretending to be a part of the Voter Registration Commission.

There's a whole 43 pages of documents, all just from 1974-75. There's plenty of interesting tidbits in there, so maybe check it out.


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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (21 children)

aubrey-sad I was up last night thinking about gay interactive fiction. I guess the thing is, I went lookin for games with cisnt genders in 'em, but I didn't look for girlkissing.......... and it's kinda like, it would be cool if there were gays in the interactive fiction..... finally: video games and queer fic, together at last!

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Starting to think my friend gave me COVID. I escaped it the entire convention with good habits and hygiene, but it doesn't escape a friend who first tests positive while you're staying with them. Yippee. Feeling run down and tired. Just waiting for a positive test at this point to confirm.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

Packing is always such a stressful thing for me now. Thankfully this should be the last time for a while at least. But I still feel way too stressed.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (4 children)

family trauma, end of life family member discussionGot to see my mother today before she passes. Cried a lot. More than I expected to given the relationship we had. We were never very close, and she was rarely present when I was a child, despite us living in the same household. Seeing and avoiding transphobic family members and my childhood abuser for the first time in a decade was triggering, but manageable. Everyone gave me my space when I requested it.

Hope that I can grow more into being comfortable asserting myself, being braver with bigots like my family members. I stumble over my words and freeze often.

Still, i’m glad that I came. Hope this is a beginning of healing from a lot of the damage that came with growing up in as fucked up of a household as I did.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (7 children)

Kittenposting

Curly wishes you all a comfy nap and offers you multicolored toe beans

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (3 children)

if one of my posts does well it's because i'm funny and popular

if one of my posts does badly i'm just ahead of my time

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

Realizing my eternal vocal hatred of miasma (smells associated with contamination) was an ND thing. I wanted to wear a mask since before Covid.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (11 children)

Explain this to me chat. If I'm actually autistic, why when I get over stimulated do I listen to quiet music? Would it not make more sense to try and have silence?

I think I have demonstrated I am not actually autistic, because I like music too much.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

We have stimulation we like and stimulation we don’t like. Sometimes the good stimulation is even really loud and intense. When I’m overstimulated I don’t simply want to be empty. I want good feelings to replace my bad ones. When silence isn’t an option I try to drown sound I don’t like with sound I do like. It doesn’t always work, esp when the bad stimulus is still there, but I will say the sensations of being outside can be at least relieving a bit when all else has failed me.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

yeah my dreams are getting weird again. idk why I go through phases of weird dream dreams. Sigmund, you'd have loved this shit bro

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

tfw you get to sleep for 6 hours before your utter demon of a dog (he isnt even MINE he's just VISITING) jumps into your bed because he needs to go potty real bad:

negative

ugh fuck 2 hour walk later atleast I can use the toilet now

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I started trying to lose weight 2 months ago but started half assing it after I saw no change in 1 month, and I checked just now and I'm down 8 pounds 🥳

So if someone tells you can't half ass doing something... well you probably still shouldn't but it'll still kinda work lol

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (4 children)

bottom dysphoria stuff, sadAfter thinking a lot about it and what I'd like, I have finally admitted to myself and put into words what I've felt for a long time.

I will never like my genitals as much as I do cis women's.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (10 children)

spoilerI'm assuming you haven't been with a lot of trans women, pre and post bottom surgery.

I dunno what to say, when you're on HRT long enough it all starts to smell and taste like vagina even before bottom surgery. Yeah it's a little weird going down on a trans woman the first time and it just smells like pussy but why shouldn't it? After bottom surgery - it looks like a vagina, tastes like one, smells like one, sometimes it even gets wet with arousal, it feels like a vagina to any partner and I can speak to that on personal experience, from what the women I've been with who have a neovagina, it also feels great to have. You'll have labia, you'll have a ureter in a different spot than your vagina, you'll have a little clit, apparently they're making mons venus now too which is neat. You can get yeast infections just like anyone else born with a vagina, you're at a higher risk of UTIs for the same reason as anyone else born with a vagina. Just no uterus - which also means no menstruation other than the week long one you get after surgery.

No it's not the exact same as if you were born with one. But it's pretty fucking close and if you're stealth you could probably get away with never disclosing it's a manmade custom vagina (until the discussion about having kids come up but you can always just stick with you're infertile and had a hysterectomy whatever).

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (5 children)

I hate how autism can make it so hard to simply talk to people sometimes :(

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

autism, Buddhism, dissociation, trauma but no cwsI realized something. It’s probable I wasn’t simply unable to cry due to T. The explanation feminists gave for why men can’t cry was that they were repressing it, and I’m like “I don’t repress anything gender related, it’s probably just biology. Yeah, some dudes cry frequently, don’t know what’s up with them.” Well, what if I was “repressing” something else: gross overstimulation.

I always been out of tune with my body. I remember years ago a friend was like “my mental health’s getting bad, I’m dissociating.” “What’s that?” “definition” “It sounds like I do that,” I said. “That’s like really bad.” “Maybe not,” shrugs I have had various autistic meltdowns over the years and I didn’t understand why that was the only time I could cry. Sometimes it was obvious why it felt so bad, sometimes trivial things were triggers.

I’ve made it through the past few years primarily by heavily fixating on communism. I almost never thought about my body, I was just a vessel for knowledge. It’s a good coping mechanism but can also get very escapist. I rarely thought about my needs or social presence.

Over the past months not only did I try hormone blockers which made my mind much clearer and loud for better or worse, I’ve done a decent bit of meditation. More than an ADHDer would expect to be able to do, but not that much. I realized my out of touchness with my body and obsessed over certain new sensations I hadn’t noticed before. Now that I am overstimulated every day and also being mindful, the pain in my stomach isn’t just a thing I occasionally notice and pin on a random factor, I cannot ignore it, and end up melting down.

Non-dual practitioners talk about how as they moved along the path they find things they didn’t realize they hid from themselves and cannot hide when things go against their nature. Trans people also note something like this as they attain a body more in line with their mind. There are autists saying they forget how to function at first once they unmask. It seems difficult to go on like this, but I’m not turning back. I still don’t have or wish for much of an ego. Maybe that’s what gives people the illusion of meaning, but I want to die before I die so I can live. Maybe hrt will help me get more in tune with my body, who knows.

So yeah, I thought I didn’t have any trauma but it seems like every autist has to.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (8 children)

drugsyou know I wish cocaine had the effect on me it had on Stephen King. fam, I'd love to crank out 12 novels a year high on the gear. instead it just makes me normal and calm

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (9 children)

Do girls have sideburns?
Idk what to do with mine.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (6 children)

Started walking on the treadmill at an incline and now the sides of my butt hurt.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

I went to see a show last night and had a really nice time. Got to hang out with a pretty girl in lawn chairs, have some beers and reefer, and listen to a couple of the best bands around for about 5 hours. Would recommend.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Love ND TikTok. I had a meltdown and loneliness thought spiraled before watching a video where someone talked of their realization that everyone’s inherently alone and we autists just notice it a lot more. Not that I have friends, but most people are so uninteresting. I desire social connection but I don’t like being unable to not constantly listen to people’s boring conversations and it’s overstimulating too. If I tried to mask at all or hadn’t not done it I’d probably have “friends” that I don’t actually like. Fitting in is so boring but not is also annoying. Also, I think there’s a similar-ish thing (that would be called ocd, there’s a lot of overlap) that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the meaninglessness of life and the unhealthiness of normal activities. My pondering and detail noticing and not caring for the consensus means I’m pretty anxious about things most people aren’t and things they are often seem silly.

Edit: actually most of what I like is being heard when I talk a lot about something that is interesting, and that can be difficult to find when it’s hard to know when to speak or feel like anyone was listening when I interrupt, or again, people are not interested in interesting things.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (9 children)

slight body dysphoriaNeed to get measured to get an actual well fitting bra, instead of the cheap multi-pack sports "bras" I have. Problem is I'm just anxious about going to take my shirt off in front of someone. Both a bit of body dysphoria, and because I'm somewhat boymoding so I'm anxious about the person's reaction.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Just got my E dose increased as well as a Spiro prescription. The doctor also fixed the needle issue I was talking about last week, and they were also really nice and easy to talk to this time. They kept calling me beautiful and I just kept smiling the whole time 😁

Side note, but they mentioned something about Spiro negatively impacting breast growth in some people. Has anybody here experienced this, or is it mostly a minor concern?

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (7 children)

I should be allowed to eat my enemies

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (3 children)

one of the more fun parts about the transition progress is that i feel like i can experiment more with more butch styles and still feel like a woman instead of just some guy

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

my toe is fine now

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (3 children)

MORE LIKE GAYHAVEN CHRONICLES

Play as female, male, or non-binary—with options to be straight, gay, or bisexual.

The three genders, twice. Honestly though when I was playing like, Perseids on itch my primary thought was "man I'd pay for like several hours of this" so this kissable interactive fiction sounds very good. I am of low experience with the genre (mystery? like when ur not sure if they're gay for u?) but fuck it, we ball. I am probably gonna try the demo honestly.

Indulge in true moments of romance, friendship, drama, and fun!

asagiri I WANT TO INDULGE

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

WHEN I HAVE TO WORK BUT WANT TO NAP blob-sleep

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Flowerposting bloomer

Hen&chick plant, I love how they look like if a pangolin was a plant that makes weird alien looking stalks with flowers on the end when they bloom

I love my weirdo sunflowers, a bunch of them got hybridized by the bees from mini ones and big ones I grew last year and now a bunch of this year's have multiple mini blossoms on the same stalk. Maybe if I keep using the seeds they make I'll eventually get stalks that look like brussel sprouts with lil sunflowers instead of lil cabbage thingies

Some kind of big daisy variety that the bees like

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