chapotraphouse

I went to highschool mostly in texas, which means recruiter creeps in the lunchroom pretty often.

they'd usually have chudlets doing pushups in the middle of the lunch room, but sometimes they went out and used their social skills to try to recruit people. One time a guy in my friend group got his lunch and sat down before any of the rest of us, and a recruiter strolled up and sat down trying to have a conversation with him. He asked if he liked heavy metal (context clues, we were goths) and he said "no, I don't like music" and just stopped eating and made direct eye contact with the recruiter. The recruiter stumbled a bit and then asked... "uh, do you like blowing stuff up?" My friend's response was "no that's fucked up what's wrong with you, fuck off" and the recruiter awkwardly walked off while the rest of us were walking up to sit down.

You know what you have to do

You have the chance to be a hero

Destiny is falling in your lap.

Uninformed Division Officer

alright comrade, you're our man on the inside. your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to raid the medicine cabinet of every bathroom in the whitehouse and sell joe biden's adderall to private school kids in maryland

Doesn't that seem like low qualifications? I would have assumed you'd need some kind of experience and education.

That said, I'm completely in favor of incompetent people guarding US politicians

I want to be a hired gun to protect President Biden, SIR

Take it and become a Chinese spy

Seriously though this dumbass country will pay you 70k to stand around and do nothing when the time comes? You should absolutely unironically take this job. That's a steal.

Accept it and do the job as badly as possible for as long as possible until fired.

Interesting that once you turn 37, you're ineligible, I guess to prevent a guard mercing the president and eating his heart to gain his powers

TBF they prolly didn’t know you were a godless hexbear poster so

Mods should have to meet these requirements. I'm totally sick of some Peruvian man removing my daily posts about how ponchos are ugly.

That's bait.

My favorites are the very clearly automated messages where the AI just takes my middle initial and address me as that throughout the entire email.

The kicker always being when they ask me to recruit my friends for them.

Hope you take up the opportunity my friend. Working in federal law enforcement can be such a rewarding career.

'yeah lets send an email to the one that signs off with "death to america" after every message, they seem like a good fit'

tbf this is either just a bot email or a scam, and i dont know if the US has hexbear on their radar as anything really dangerous

sabotage