I have little sense of self or clear desire, but I’ve been projecting imaginary feelings onto strangers for a while. I call myself trans-fem, but feel like I’m not because I wouldn’t trade bodies with most apparent women. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty girls I envy, but most of the time: no. Looking at and thinking about my own body I’m flawless and just fear change. I know change is the only constant and you can’t be neutral on a moving train. When it comes to self expression I have no gender I just like to be unique. Well, that’s not all true, I gender my clothes for some reason and like the “fem” ones. But I also like a lot of “masc” ones I just want to wear it like a tomboy, and dont like when people think I’m a dude. I don’t want to be perceived by strangers as a woman, but I really don’t want to be perceived as a man. Call me “girl” or use “she/her,” that’s great, but otherwise I want out of this “gender” thing. I don’t want a stranger to categorize me against my will (like I do to others ack). I feel most validated in general when people recognize my quirkiness (I know I’m interesting, I don’t care how people react to it that much).

I don’t know what to do with that information but there are thoughts that occurred today.

Also there is a Void Fantasy track titled Dream of the Void as She Cums Inside Me and Unmakes Reality and She Dies and I Die and Everything is the Color of Burnt Lawns and Absinthe which fucks tbh. More broadly though the average Rook speaks to alienation, pain, trauma and camraderie that resonates both with trans experiences and broader queer ones, too.

I know im cis is probably referring to like, fuckers on Instagram or something, Idk. When I heard it at the time it really surprised me, and I still mull it over now and then. It is a good sardonic bit though.