I have little sense of self or clear desire, but I’ve been projecting imaginary feelings onto strangers for a while. I call myself trans-fem, but feel like I’m not because I wouldn’t trade bodies with most apparent women. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty girls I envy, but most of the time: no. Looking at and thinking about my own body I’m flawless and just fear change. I know change is the only constant and you can’t be neutral on a moving train. When it comes to self expression I have no gender I just like to be unique. Well, that’s not all true, I gender my clothes for some reason and like the “fem” ones. But I also like a lot of “masc” ones I just want to wear it like a tomboy, and dont like when people think I’m a dude. I don’t want to be perceived by strangers as a woman, but I really don’t want to be perceived as a man. Call me “girl” or use “she/her,” that’s great, but otherwise I want out of this “gender” thing. I don’t want a stranger to categorize me against my will (like I do to others ack). I feel most validated in general when people recognize my quirkiness (I know I’m interesting, I don’t care how people react to it that much).

I don’t know what to do with that information but there are thoughts that occurred today.