this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2024
249 points (98.4% liked)

Greentext

4645 readers
2305 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 40 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 166 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Find out her favorite food, eat it for three days and fart next time you’re near her.

The familiar scent will make her fall for you.

[–] [email protected] 63 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Shit people ~~say~~ smell on lemmy.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago

You smell the Mountain Dew Baja Blast?

Because that was for you.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

This is the kind of reasonable take I come here for.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

That how you fell for Satan?

[–] [email protected] 136 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

>new job
>no clue what duties are
>manager out sick with severe oral chlamydia
>ask coworker
>smells like a sweat sock doused in ammonia
>nearly burst into treats upon entering their miasma
>somehow surmises I’m trying to smash
>grimace.wave
>I silently retreat
>still need money
>surveillance is the only route forward
>surreptitiously watch coworker
>they never notice
>gradually learn how to use the register
>discover job duties
>uncover weed stashes
>encounter the cum room
>my picture above a desecrated bucket
>cease hiding my reconnaissance
>they cease visiting the cum room
>still sneaks peeks at me
>bust them for weed stashes
>work suddenly feels safe
>feelsgoodman.png

[–] [email protected] 78 points 4 months ago

">nearly burst into treats upon entering their miasma"

Nice try, piñata person, I bet you thought nobody would notice?

[–] [email protected] 77 points 4 months ago

she keeps glancing at me

I stop looking at her all the time

hmmm

[–] [email protected] 66 points 4 months ago (1 children)

OP discovered women have eyes and use them to look at people.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

It's not, don't fall for the propaganda!

[–] [email protected] 52 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Probably hes staring at her and what hes seeing is her noticing him staring at her. Anon is indeed a fucktard.

>tries to help out at new job

>immediately gets hit on by neckbeard coworker

>he wont stop staring at me all day

Guys don't be like anon.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Seriously? From the story, anon did everything right.

Saw potential interest, acted on it in a nonthreatening way, when no positive response came, took it as a rejection and did not harass or continue pursuing.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Anan is having an episode again and talking to mannequins

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Absolutely the follow up to this green text. Anon works in clothes store haha.

Talks about how she let's him dress and undress her but never responds to date requests

[–] [email protected] 44 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Obviously anon is a fucktard.

That being said, the situation isn't unrealistic. It's always amazing how people can misread eye movements.

So, if I'm in that kind of situation, my first thought is to look around and behind me. Could be there's something nearby that's drawing attention. You know the trope of seeing someone waving and just automatically reacting like they're waving at you, even if you don't recognize them?

It's the same kind of response. We're semi trained, and semi instinctually driven to respond to established social cues in kind. Someone waves, you wave back. Someone extends a hand for a shake, you respond with your own hand, sometimes even when you don't usually shake hands.

Anon there could just be misreading a cue that isn't directed at them.

Or, and this is more likely, anon sees pretty lady, and is glancing at them frequently. This can happen without really being aware that you're doing it, our eyes tend to move around without conscious intent a lot more than people realize. Pretty lady is reacting to anon's glances.

And that's ignoring any of the tiny movements we make without paying attention that can draw the eye. You rarely think about something like adjusting your posture when you're focused on something. You move, pretty lady catches movement, her eyes and head move, you catch that motion and glance towards them.

We all engage in little dances like that, often without ever realizing it's happening. Minor shifts of body and head as two people share space that are essentially meaningless, but mimic things that do have meaning.

Depending on the kind of work involved, it can get very complex, and still be utterly unconscious.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

Nice try OP.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Communication. How does that work?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

You have one brief interaction and then spend the next two eternities pondering what that was, draw all sorts of baseless conclusions without attempting to contact the other person to ask for more information. I'm very good at it, been doing it for 30+ years.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

What you don't just hyperventilate when a member of the opposite sex smiles at you? What are you doing on this website, you're weirdo

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I got to love 4chan because it just reminds me the fact that I'm a catch, apparently.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

Rooted from "plenty of fish in the sea" and fishings "catch and release" fishing. It's common to have maximum catch limits while fishing, so you will release fish back into the water if you do not intend to keep it. A catch is anyone that you intend to hang onto, or state steadily. This user is saying they are valuable to date.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

i think he means he plays baseball and always catches the ball

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

>sort of tried once.

>haven't talked directly to her.

>gave up.

why isn't this working?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

How many tries are too many tries?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

cross the starting line before giving up, i always say

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago

Err on the side of taking requests at face value, especially at work and at first.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Walk up to her, get down on one knee and propose to her.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

She says yes as the entire company claps in unison.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

be me have no idea what this "contractual awareness" thing people keep talking about is new girl has no idea what she's doing and keeps looking at me she could want me to train her she could think I look sketch and is keeping an eye on me she might just be starting into space nah she must want to date me apparentlynot.jpg screw her then, I've got shit to do weirdo is still looking at me

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

What is "contractual awareness"? I googled it and it just seems to be talking about contact law?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Contextual* probably. Which is funny considering the context

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Ohh, that makes sense. Perhaps I could've figured that out if I'd had any.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

Time traveler. Gotta be.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Anon does not mention his smell, weight, and severe acne.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Ain't that the girl from Terrifier 2?