༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

woah, we got a situation over here

eh, mediocrity is the true killer

sigh I’ll never master the art of horny memes, this is artisanal

Blood in, blood out

if there’s no risk of pregnancy there’s no risk of attachment

How I’ve managed to only date women that are serious about birth control I think is the universe protecting me from myself

from the superior cloaca

You mean the metric system?

The m stands for tiMbit

Oh no! You’ve been visited by the SICK DUCK SUCKING DICK monster! You must suck 3.5 DICKS of at least 3 of your homies by midnight tonight OR BE VISITED BY THE SICK QUACKER

decline

“sorry I don’t have my headphones with me and my phone’s mic has been acting up. What’s up?”

it sounds like a cool job but who would they even go to complain to for harassment?

“In our 17th hour of boning, I was getting a bit tired. violet08_ slapped me and told me to ‘stay hard, idiot’”

“That’s great pal, you kids keep having fun, make sure my daughter stays hydrated”