this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2024
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I just realised that "like it's your first time" has a positive connotation I guess, but like... motherfucker? Do most people have non-awful first-time experiences of sex? Between garbage sex ed and cisheteronormativity I just can't imagine. I doubt it was even momentous for most people tbh? Idk.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

I guess I'm in the minority here but I had a great first experience and still remember it. It wasn't awkward because it was with a girlfriend in high school I already had for a bit and were building up to it. It was very sweet but passionate when it did happen. She was convinced for a while I was lying about it being my first time (I wasn't) because I generally knew what I was doing, but only generally as I wasn't lost. We were pretty young and stayed together for years after that and fucked like rabbits, like anytime and anywhere and all the time. I'm actually coincidentally currently where we first did the deed and did it many times again after that. We broke up near the beginning of college and eventually reconnected mid/late-20's, still were in sync and had the same passion, but the relationship outside of that wasn't great. We're not together anymore and I haven't spoken to her in years, but I know if we met up again that we'd still pick up where we left off. Anyway, I remember her and all of it very fondly. She was beautiful. I was very lucky to find someone that was such a perfect sexual match out the gate, had worse experiences later when I had more experience ironically.

I was honestly fondly remembering my first time probably like a few days ago.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

volcel-judge volcel-judge volcel-judge MOVE ALONG CITIZENS, NOTHING TO SEE HERE volcel-judge volcel-judge volcel-judge

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

kel-what Like a mirrorworld version of my own... Well at least somebody had a good first experience.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

I'm all nostalgic now.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

movies have given people brain rot, your first time is universally awkward as fuck because you literally have no idea what you're doing as far as muscle memory goes

even if it's good you're probably not going to look back on it more fondly than later encounters where you actually know what you're doing and what you're looking for in a partner

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

The game was rigged from the start...

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago (2 children)

It was my moms friend. The sex was bad, but it was extremely funny, looking back.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago

wut ayo um... congrats!/I'm sorry!

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Idk I think I had an okay time

People take the sex thing too seriously imo, doesn't matter if it's awkward or if things don't work, just try something else and if no one having fun give it up and go do something else

Maybe I've just never had good sex lmao

People put way too much emphasis on first times though, virginity is an especially cursed concept

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

it was dogshit. we were pretending to pay attention to Mean Girls for 30 minutes until it happened and it literally took me like 15 minutes to put it in her either cause we were way too drunk or she was clenching too much out of anxiety or something

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

yea mine was about that bad probably

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

First time sex? I'm keeping myself for marriage. crush

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think its normal to remember who, where, and when but thats about it. First sex is almost never good and most sex isnt memorable tbh.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (4 children)

most sex isnt memorable tbh

you don't need to post your Ls

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

volcel-judge Ma'am, you're going to have to come with us for questioning. volcel-judge

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

undyne-joy

I was actually gonna say about this, nice lol

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I barely even remember, let alone have an opinion on it, i cant say it was great. I got my sex ed from the original season of skins.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Never seen that one, is that bad?

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Quite frankly, I despised my first time so much that I don't even like to recall it as "my first time." It was just sex. That's it. I give it no special title or honor. It was just sex.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I remember my first time like the time I first thought to myself "wow I love being cis"

monke-rage it never fuckin happened

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

makima-huh I will keep it as real as possible with u - if u did not have sex during your teen years you dodged a MASSIVE bullet.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

lmao, i was such a walking pile of eggy emotional issues, restrictive parents, and crying that there was a solid 0% chance i'd ever get laid as a teenager. i still don't feel like i "dodged a bullet" though

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I mean I legit unironically think it's better to miss out during your teens, feels less good if you also miss out in your 20s bocchi-cry

I haven't been single since I was 14 though and all I got was a fucking boatload of trauma that's taken twelve years and counting to work through normal

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

feels less good if you also miss out in your 20s

:yea::yea::yea: ask me how it's going

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

Hey if I managed to find someone then you can too

Just be ready for dating to suck ass and take forever before you find a good match

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I remember it fondly for sure.

it was later than many people I knew so it was a bit of a relief to finally do it. but it went great because I didn't try and rush it.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

I haven't had a first time but I've been close a few times. It felt fun at first, but then I realized I wasn't doing anything for my own sake. I felt like I was putting up an act for the other person and wasn't enjoying myself. Then when it got time to really get intimate, I always backed away because I started feeling like shit.

I've only recently learned in the past year that's not normal and that I'm probably just on the ace spectrum lmao ace-heart

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Never had penetrative sex so I can't speak to that, but I remember the first time I fooled around fondly. However, those fond memories aren't about the acts themselves (which were predictably clumsy and not that pleasurable) but about the vulnerable intimacy afterwards. Just being naked in front of someone and feeling perfectly safe, without judgment, fully accepted regardless of any perceived physical imperfections. It's those tender moments which I cherish, especially as there have been precious few moments since where I've felt truly accepted for who I am.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

It was dogshit and every experience since was too. All the bad experiences is why I've not touched anyone for at least 6 years now :yea:

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The volcel pledge 07 rip though...

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

sadness-abysmal part of me thinks I'll never find someone that will be a good antidote to the volcel police

For now I'll keep the pledge 07

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It was a positive experience for sure. With my high school girlfriend. We were long distance, we'd been together for almost a year and made specific plans for it, and it was gay sex so we were under no illusions that sex ed or cultural sex knowledge would be sufficient. We knew each other well enough that it was comfortable to laugh at the inevitable clumsy parts. Not all of my memories of that relationship are fond and I've had better sex since, but it was a good experience.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My story has unique enough details that I really shouldn't tell it here, but I will tell you in DM if you're interested.

The overview is that while it wasn't good, it wasn't awful either, it was just ridiculous and silly and attracted a large non-human audience 😂🤦

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

I feel like that's one of those things that very few people have a fond memory of. Mine was just awkward.

There's a lot of pressure around it when you're a teen, and that leads to a lot of unenthusiastic yes situations.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My first time having penetrative sex was on my honeymoon, and I think we both realized we'd been mislead by our upbringing and pop culture. You go your entire life thinking things will snap into place like magnets and biology will just take over, but our experience was kind of awful. We were both nervous and stressed, and nobody had really taught us that things simply don't work when you're psychologically insecure.

We can laugh at it in retrospect, but it was really an eye-opening moment for us.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

and biology will just take over,

This kills me because susie-laugh but also yea One of the shittest ideas there is tbh

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

The sex-ed in the midwest is god-awful. I like to think I had a fortunate experience but there are clearly holes in my education lol

There are also quite a few people i know who are surprised to have trouble conceiving because they were made to believe they'd get pregnant as soon as they took their clothes off.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Oh yeah, my first time was nice. We were at a cool (very queer) party with a bunch of my friends (I still have a few polaroids from it! physical images, imagine). I thought it was really sweet that they checked if I was under the influence first (they didn't want to take advantage of me). We had a good time!

Still have yet to have sex with an AFAB person, interestingly enough.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

it was awkward and kinda sucked

best part of sex is like, learning what your partner likes and getting really good at it.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

I had a lot of issues with sexual dysfunction when I was younger, so yeah the first time and many many of the times afterwards were not so great. Things are better now, thankfully

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

First attempt was memorably bad, and indirectly led to the end of a 2-year relationship. You tend not to forget something like that, and in my case I sort of obsessively over-analyzed it for years after the fact, trying to figure out what I needed to do to prevent something similar from happening in future relationships.

First real-actual time was with a different (and more experienced) partner who was just as pent-up as I was. Again, the circumstances surrounding it were weird enough that a lot of the details are lodged in my brain to this day, but overall, it was a positive experience in spite of the punctured waterbed, the rickety cot walking its way across the cold concrete floor of the basement, and my mother almost walking in on us when she came home while we were in the shower together. Honestly, though? It's still something I try not to think about, because all of that happened with someone who just ended up using and manipulating me later on.

So to answer your question, I guess it's possible to have a positive and even momentous first time, but still associate it with a great deal of shame and emotional trauma. vivian-shrug

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

susie-heh This is the first one that sounds maybe worse than mine!!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

Ehhh... For the first "attempt," I knew what I was doing, but I really should have spent some more time making sure she was relaxed than what I did. Access to lube would have been a huge help, too. Leaning in for a kiss while trying to push inside was a huge mistake and I almost got my tongue bitten off for my trouble. She may have joined the Evangelical version of a convent several years later.

As I said, memorably bad.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

literally doing God's work timmy-pray

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

The first person I really deeply loved and cared for I remember the more tender moments than sex. Sex is nice but just being there comfortable with that person is what I connect with more strongly.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Mine was awkward as shit and most people I know say the same thing. It's more of a cringey memory than anything, that's what happens when you're both awkward kids who don't know wtf you're doing

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