::: spoiler work

A person at work today said people like me and that they say I'm great, and I just about cried. I was able to stop it but god I just... Idk, I'm performing well in my job, I'm not alienating people(?!?! Is this true??? Part of me is screaming its all a lie, a neurotypical lie to make me feel safe before the do something to hurt me, but at the same time... Idk. I just, I'm trying to accept it, and not freak out or be paranoid that people dont like me, but its hard. Part of me says they're just saying that to be nice, that it isnt true... But I'm trying hard to not believe that). I just, I'm terrified that the world is working out in some kind of way. I can't get past it... I just. My life is supposed to be miserable, I'd resigned myself to basically being in poverty forever, and now there's a possibility I wont be??? Like... Am I going to be in a position where I can feed myself??? I'm not gonna make tons and tons here, but I'm gonna be not-drowning if this keeps up... Idk. I just. Its freaky and scary and I'm just not sure what to do or how to feel but its wonderful and I'm trying really hard to not let the anxiety and internalized stuff pull me into the darkness.

HOW CAN PEOPLE AT MY JOB LIKE ME!?!? I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM THAT THEYRE WRONG FOR LIKING ME AND SHOULD BE HYPERCRITICAL AND STRICT WITH ME BUT IM NOT IM NOT SCREAMING THAT BUT ITS INSIDE ME AND oh... I think I have some self worth issues I haven't addressed...