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Hi everybody!
~~no big post this week,~~ down with cis
since multiple people recognized it, it's not officially OTD Appreciation Week!
cheers
I hope everybody has a lovely week!
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
::: spoiler work
A person at work today said people like me and that they say I'm great, and I just about cried. I was able to stop it but god I just... Idk, I'm performing well in my job, I'm not alienating people(?!?! Is this true??? Part of me is screaming its all a lie, a neurotypical lie to make me feel safe before the do something to hurt me, but at the same time... Idk. I just, I'm trying to accept it, and not freak out or be paranoid that people dont like me, but its hard. Part of me says they're just saying that to be nice, that it isnt true... But I'm trying hard to not believe that). I just, I'm terrified that the world is working out in some kind of way. I can't get past it... I just. My life is supposed to be miserable, I'd resigned myself to basically being in poverty forever, and now there's a possibility I wont be??? Like... Am I going to be in a position where I can feed myself??? I'm not gonna make tons and tons here, but I'm gonna be not-drowning if this keeps up... Idk. I just. Its freaky and scary and I'm just not sure what to do or how to feel but its wonderful and I'm trying really hard to not let the anxiety and internalized stuff pull me into the darkness.
HOW CAN PEOPLE AT MY JOB LIKE ME!?!? I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM THAT THEYRE WRONG FOR LIKING ME AND SHOULD BE HYPERCRITICAL AND STRICT WITH ME BUT IM NOT IM NOT SCREAMING THAT BUT ITS INSIDE ME AND oh... I think I have some self worth issues I haven't addressed...
::: spoiler more
Also my coworker gendered me correctly and it melted my heart. It was wonderful. He was talking about meeting me the first time (we had spoken briefly right after I got hired) and said he was internally like "woah she's tall" and it didn't make me dysphoric??? Like, being gendered correctly right out the gate somehow made all that dysphoria just... Not get activated???? Its still there but like... Him saying that didn't make me feel terrible... It was really nice.
So happy for you, that's pawesome!!!!