Hi everybody!
I'd originally planned on having a big effort post, but I've had some Bad Brain^TM^ the last couple weeks so that'll just have to wait until next time.
In the meantime, it's my 2 year HRT Anniversary! These past couple years have also been the first time I've really been in community with other trans folx; I've had so many breakthroughs and discoveries of myself that I don't think would have been possible without that and I can't be thankful enough.
I hope everybody has a lovely week!
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
spoiler
I'm sorry about your extreme dysphoria. I can see how that's a difficult problem. I was wondering about coming up with exercises to practice mouth movements, maybe get you to a place where you feel a manageable amount of dysphoria to start practicing from? I'm not sure about not using voice at all though. Like trying to learn guitar without plucking a string. Maybe you can wear noise-cancelling headphones so you don't have to hear your own voice as you practice? Then you can focus more on how it feels to do exercises instead of how it sounds.Just wondering why is it important to you to have a top 5% voice if you don't care about passing? Why would having a 5% voice make you happy?
spoiler
Thank you. Yea maybe I'll try practicing with my headphones on. I know it would be, it doesn't make sense to voice train without my voice... I just need to force myself to do it. Honestly even just thinking about it is making me cry. fml.Phrased myself badly again. I don't care about passing as a benchmark because cis people are very generous with it, they don't listen as closely or know how to clock voices or something. I've heard lots of women who's voices I wouldn't be happy with who say they pass. Its not enough for me. I need to be comfortable with it for me, I am more sensitive to it then most others are. I want to feel like I sound cis. And I feel like most trans women don't, at least to my ear. I've heard some voice coaches and women who sang through puberty and a few others who all sound really good.
I guess it would make me feel happy because I wouldn't be dysphoric about my voice anymore. I hate sounding like a man, I hate the idea of sounding clocky, even if its just clocky to me. I don't want to hear any fucking testosterone in my voice.
spoiler
I hope it'll become easier and less painful to attempt training over time.I understand now. I don't think clocky voice is something anyone is doomed to. I think it's either just a lack of enough training or a lack of understanding in training or missing voice components. I don't think you'll have to settle with a voice you don't want.
Totally get wanting an cis voice devoid of all masculinity.
Thank you Nemmy, I really appreciate you taking time and talking to me about this.
I hope so too. It has to.
Yeah any time