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I love sleeping, honk-shoo is so goated.
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How can I ever tell anyone? How can I be who I want?
You don’t have to tell anyone. You can do absolutely nothing if that’s what works for you; that doesn’t make you any less trans. (Doing nothing was my original plan btw, and it was good enough for me until it wasn’t)
For me, what has been working is to figure out a small step that you’re comfortable with and start there. Maybe it’s wearing something cute around the house. Then maybe that’s good for a while but you don’t want to have to change before you go to the store or get the mail or whatever. The little step is enough until it isn’t, but also, the more times you take that same step the more comfortable you feel with the idea of another one.
When I started coming out I had to talk about everything kinda obliquely, but now I can say out loud that I’m trans. I told one person, and now telling the next doesn’t feel as scary. Just start with something you feel like you can handle and progress from there at your own pace. I’m still not all the way out yet, but I’m slowly getting more comfortable and taking new steps. It’s scary but so far it’s been worth it.
So my advice is to not worry about telling anyone until that feels like something you need to do. It’s okay to take it slow.
You can do it!
In case it wasn’t clear I’m not recommending doing nothing, but for me it was helpful to know that that’s still a valid option because it let me give myself permission to move at a pace and towards an end goal that I’m comfortable with.
I noticed that as well, the mindset shift is a relief in itself
I think the "do nothing" plan is a trap and I'm happy for you that you're doing something
Thanks :)
In case it wasn’t clear I’m not recommending doing nothing, but for me it was helpful to know that that’s still a valid option because it let me give myself permission to move at a pace and towards an end goal that I’m comfortable with.
You don't have to start HRT to be Trans, ever at any point. But if you DO want to, estrogen is slow and subtle, taking time. It also can have positive mental effects.
While you're working things out socially (finding support groups, getting advice etc), you could be quietly changing physically.
Definitely start thinking about whether you want to feminize your body; estrogen is pretty nice and a lot of us wish we had started earlier.
Don't I know it
What country do you live in?
Or, may I introduce you to our lord and savior, diy?
Planned parenthood does informed consent hrt. Just tell them you want be on estrogen hrt and they'll give it to you :) or you can diy- just order it in the mail. Either way you could be on it pretty much immediately.
I don't think getting another job is the worst thing in the world. I know people who have transitioned and stayed at their job, you can do whichever.
Alright! Do you want help figuring out how to proceed with starting HRT?
It depends on where you live - in some places it's easier to go through a doctor, and in other places it's easier yo buy hormones without a prescription.
Worst case, you can start DIY right now. There are guides available to explain how to dose yourself and what lab values you need tracked. Im okay with the medical system and the WPATH (the like official world wide medical recommendations for medical transition), but I know theres trans people more suspicious of it (and honestly for good reason). Estrogen takes its sweet fucking time to kick in and change stuff, which is nice for if youre feeling on the fence or unsure because you can just track how you feel about it as things are happening. Testosterone kicks in way faster and these trans mascs are getting deeper voices and muscles and hair so much faster than how feminizing HRT works 🙄 lol
The old tradition had different gates to hit, you had to be out and socially transitioned for a year (or whatever) before they "let" you have HRT. Then they made you wait at least another year before surgery. Some places can still be old school and its up to the prescriber but more and more are using informed consent models where they tell you the risks and then give you the meds. WPATH right now will recommend spiro for a while before estradiol for feminizing HRT and then wait longer for progesterone as another option and limit how long they will prescribe it (sometimes), lots of people have different thoughts on this process including on this site right now.
Spironolactone (spiro) is a diuretic that tons of people are on, cis men and women, because it helps balance blood pressure and electrolytes balance. It had a side effect of making men grow boobs because it interacts with androgens and how your body reacts to androgens (e.g. Testosterone) as a side effect. Its a desired side effect for us ♡. Spiro is super safe and used by tons of people all over the world. Estradiol is estrogen, progesterone is a different hormone that also feminizes and you might remember from high school bio how progesterone and estrogen works in people with uteruses for menstruation and monthly cycles. I swear it made me more feral feminine horny and I definitely think its made my boobs at least another cup size bigger after the year Ive had it.
There are risks to feminizing HRT, you will hear about it from a prescriber if you go that route (in America depending on state and city, planned parenthood for example). I'll tell you some, it does raise your risks of blood clots and breast cancer - now, it raises it to cis women levels or just under... but it does. You will have to learn a Know Your Breasts thing and track your future boobs for lumps and bumps. Anyway, thats some of the basics.
Invent a woman - whoever you want - and pretend to be her. Eventually you don't have to pretend anymore
You told us, that's a pretty big step! Assuming you mean telling people IRL, I know the thought is probably scary. It was for me. But as I did it, I eventually realized how empowering it was. I was telling people who i was myself rather than just going along with what society had decided I was.
If you're struggling to find someone who you want to start with, maybe see if there are any LGBTQ+ centers near you or meetups. You can go and introduce yourself as who you really are, and find yourself.
I can't wait to read some coming out stories if you decide to post them :)