i'm harvesting a great crop of jelly beans today
it's my birthday this week and you have to post a lot okay? :^)
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i swear i've written and deleted a dozen posts in the last few weeks but we need to beat the news mega so i thought i'd try to push through today
drug talk
i've been feeling pretty out of whack since i stopped weed and started ritalin. i definitely feel like i'm functioning better day-to-day but my anxiety has been through the roof. i was able to go 6 weeks without any weed or alcohol and i think that might be the longest i've been sober in 5 years ~yayy~. i had the normal withdrawal symptoms like insomnia and loss of appetite but all that calmed down around week 4i also mentioned having more frequent dizziness to my psych and he told me to check my HR with my GP and brought up the possibility of POTS (which after looking into, looks like i have most the symptoms of). at the appointment my GP kinda just brushed off the POTS thing and took my heart rate which was 150bpm. she said we'd check again in 4 weeks and if it's still high probably reduce my medication. that freaked me tf out and made me buy a heart rate tracker to try to self-monitor. fingers crossed i can keep my meds cause they've been so goddamn helpful
fun stuff (also drugs)
so i've been taking some time off work and last week made my first open source contribution (using a language i haven't used before)also just started using a hair diffuser since realising that i got wavy hair. along with that, my hair is finally long enough to tie up into a ponytail! and holy jesus fuck it looks so hot now, i don't know what to do
and to celebrate Weed Easter, we had a friend stay over on the weekend. we got really high, talked a bunch, i lost my voice, we went to the cinema to watch Flow, cried a bit, went home, got high again, watched ISTTVG, i cried a lot, we played mario party and ate lots of chocolate, then friend went home the next day. it was a really good time but damn i remembered how much i like to
. oh well restarted the sobriety streak on Monday, maybe i can go longer than 6 weeks this run
spoiler
POTS is kind of an "in" diagnosis on tiktok which is why some doctors are (unfairly) critical or cynical of it. That and Ehrlos-Danlos, for whatever reason. I dunno why, some conditions make the rounds online and a bunch of people figure out they have a name for their cluster of symptoms and then doctors get wary of it because more often than not those diagnoses are usually more like the proverbial zebras and not horses. But no one can get proper care anyway so it's all a fucking crap shoot.Youre on a new stimulant, which I suspect is what's causing your BP to head up and which might make anxiety easier to trigger (especially if you used cannabis to cope with anxiety). If you drink coffee, I'd suggest cutting that back maybe even to 0 and see how you feel in terms of anxiety and heart rate. 150 is quite high for a relatively healthy adult. Try some deep intentional breathing and see if you can get it down, your heart rests on your diaphragm so breathing slow and strong with your diaphragm tells your heart to slow the fuck down a little and it does usually!
spoiler
fuck i forgot POTS was treated that way, i was scared about getting audhd diagnosed for the same reason. maybe i'll be more explicit with my symptoms next timei cut coffee as soon as i started but yeah, cannabis has been my cope drug for quite a while. if my watch is accurate at all then my resting HR is around 70, after getting up and taking my meds it goes to around 80-90 and peaks to 130-150 if i'm standing for a while/doing shit/just more anxious than usual
thanks for the breathing tip, i'll try it out! also tysm for replying, i super duper appreciate every time you give advice here