this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2024
480 points (97.2% liked)

The Onion

4341 readers
874 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I’m torn. Both Galadriel and Sauron say the other is a threat to Middle-earth. One has to be wrong, so whom am I to trust? Should I trust the Dark Lord who attempted to topple the White City of Gondor, dominate all life, and attempt to stay in power for eternity? Or do I trust the Elf Queen representing the coalition of Men and Elves who defeated Sauron when he tried to enslave the Free Peoples… but could maybe do more meet-and-greets?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 17 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

Hmm, let me guess, you're voting for Grima Wormtongue?

[–] [email protected] 32 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Didn't Galadriel straight up say that if she were given the power of the Ring she'd turn into a tyrant? Like, if the choices are Sauron (tyrant, given the power) and Galadriel (tyrant, given the power) it seems most correct to pick Frodo (trying to unmake the source of corruptive and destroying power).

Like, if anyone wielding the Ring for any purpose will be subordinate to its will no matter their intentions, and ultimately will subjugate all others, then the dichotomy is not which wielder, but whether the Ring should exist or not.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (2 children)

For the purposes of the satire, they left the ring out of it. Otherwise it's just a Monty Python sketch and would be about "the violence inherent in the system" 😉

And as I commented to someone else who picked Frodo - he too gave in to the ring in the end and was only saved by someone biting off his finger that had the ring on it. He's also an upper middle class nepo-baby who's a landlord. If you're going to pick someone else, you have to go with proletarian Samwise.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

For the purpose of the satire, they left out the whole point of the books, which is something you'd know if your knowledge of LotR wasn't based entirely on cultural osmosis.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

You don't know what satire is, do you? And man, with everything else thrown my way because of this post, insulting my nerd cred is a low blow even for someone from hexbear. I thought you all at least had standards!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 12 hours ago

You don't know what satire is, do you? And man, with everything else thrown my way because of this post, insulting my nerd cred is a low blow even for someone from hexbear. I thought you all at least had standards!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 13 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 29 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I'd vote for Frodo, since he's ignoring all of the ridiculous political bullshit and actually trying to do a revolutionary act by building a fellowship and working together with his friends to destroy the source of the evil rather than fighting over who is the best one to control the evil.

I swear it's like you people haven't even read the books!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Ahh, yes, Frodo. The one who actually gave into the ring and was only saved by someone literally biting it and the attached finger off.

Also, brave call to say that Frodo exerted an ounce of agency. Frodo was a puppet of the existing power structure and elites who essentially got tricked into going without understanding what was at stake, repeatedly put the ring on despite Gandalf telling him not to, got stabbed and almost died, and then because no one could trust anyone else with it, was the default choice to keep going with a group he had no say in creating.

If you were going to pick someone, you should at least have gone with Samwise.

Talk about someone who hasn't read the books.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Frodo was saved by the community he built along the way. That's why we build community in the first place. Media literacy isn't that hard if you put your mind to it!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 15 hours ago (4 children)

He was saved by Gollum biting his fucking finger off, but sure. Keep simping for your rich, nepo-baby, landowning bourgeois. Find it hilarious seeing someone from hexbear backing the landlord in the story.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 12 hours ago

In one of Tolkien's letters, he specifically says that if Gollum had been redeemed as much as he could, he would have taken the ring and jumped into Mt. Doom voluntarily.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Bourgeois? That sounds like communist talk. Are you some kind of tankie?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

No, but would've loved when Frodo got rid of Sam, if Sam has said "See the violence inherent in the system! Help, I'm being repressed!" 😄

[–] [email protected] 12 points 13 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 21 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

And yet I don't find it surprising that the ee is backing genocidal maniacs, that seems pretty par for the course

[–] [email protected] 13 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

Liberals can only imagine last minute ass-pulls saving the day and devalue anyone and anything else striving to avert calamity. Otherwise, it's all Adults In The Room that Make The Hard Decisions and Get Shit Done by reinforcing the status quo.

And judging by how you're talking here, you identify as one such Adult In The Room that Makes The Hard Decisions and Gets Shit Done by reinforcing the status quo.

Find it hilarious

Sure you do.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 15 hours ago

Ahh, yes

jagoff

That's such a tiresome and arrogant Reddit-standard opener for your reply that I'm doubting that "withsoul" part of your name.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 15 hours ago

It's the only way to break the system!