seahorse

WASHINGTON—Citing their ready availability and consistent quality, a report released Monday by the Brookings Institution confirmed that, as far as oyster crackers go, the nation is doing pretty good. “The United States is currently in a very respectable place in terms of oyster crackers, and at present, any existing oyster cracker–related concerns are minimal,” said the report’s lead researcher, Kevin Purcell, who offered the prevalence of oyster crackers in supermarkets, the rarity with which they are discovered broken, and the fact that packets of the crackers—often two at a time—are handed out free of charge with many soups and chowders as clear evidence that the country is in a solid spot, oyster cracker–wise. “Using these small crackers as our sole metric, the findings could not be any clearer: We are doing well as a nation. Our needs for oyster crackers are being met and then some. Could things take a downturn in the future vis-a-vis oyster crackers? Certainly. But there is nothing to suggest that we are moving in that direction as of now.” Researchers acknowledged, however, that despite current positive trends, the country likely would never match up to the golden era of oyster crackers of the late 1840s.

Some unsolicited advice:

I'm sure plenty of you are pretty upset about the election results, and that's OK. You're allowed to grieve. Fascism blows. But don't wallow in depression for days on end. In the end the only thing that we really have is each other, and let me tell you, being sad really sucks when you don't have anyone else who gets it like you do. So...

Go. Make. Some. Friends.

Build your community. One you feel safe and accepted in. Find people you can count on (and who can count on you) when things get rough.

I say this as someone who had almost nobody but some family (who still didn't 'get' it) in 2020 when things really sucked as well.

Find friends who are into helping others out. Seek out mutual aid groups (Food Not Bombs as an example) and/or people who would want to do that kind of work. The founder of my FNB chapter literally started out with a grocery cart of produce on a street corner with some friends handing it out.

Try to think outside the box of your current situation:

Why do we even let these politician fucks tell us what to do? Is the traditional family something that is really benefiting you? What other systems might benefit us better than what exists right now?

Question how things are. Do they need to remain like this in your life?

Want to leave the country? Go for it. I don't blame you at all. But when you arrive at your new place do the same things talked about above.

Revolution doesn't have to be all guillotines and molotovs.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

🦀🦀🦀🦀