The Onion

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The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

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founded 2 years ago
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1
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JD Vance Warns Millions Of Women May Vote Under Influence Of Menstrual Madness (theonion.com)
submitted 5 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
24 comments fedilink
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116
NASA Discovers Potential Life On Mars After Giant Eyeball In Middle Of Planet Looks Directly Into Telescope (theonion.com)
submitted 11 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
4 comments fedilink
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76
Shitty Beard Barely Has Any Frolicsome Woodland Creatures Living In It (theonion.com)
submitted 11 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
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Dead Bird On Sidewalk Leads Man To Contemplate Own Inevitable Collision With Plate Glass (theonion.com)
submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
5
290
Trump Accuses Kamala Harris Of Lying About Having Job At White House (theonion.com)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
11 comments fedilink
6
688
Both Campaigns Release Ads Showcasing Trump’s Most Racist Comments (theonion.com)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
37 comments fedilink
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360
Shrinkflation Making It Impossible to Hide Razor Blades in Candy (hard-drive.net)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
5 comments fedilink
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153
Harrison Butker Insists He Won’t Let Politics Distract From Upcoming Race War (theonion.com)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
7 comments fedilink
9
958
McDonald’s praised for giving work experience to convicted felon (newsthump.com)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
20 comments fedilink
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288
Trump Vows To Outlaw Electricity To Secure Powerful Amish Vote | Onion News Network (www.youtube.com)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
11 comments fedilink
 
 

In an appeal to the powerful voting block, Trump told a group of influential Amish megadonors that, if elected, he would make turning on the lights or plugging in an appliance a criminal offense.

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Report Finds Americans Need To Cut Emissions By 3% In Order To Tell Themselves They Did Their Best (theonion.com)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink
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Trump Vows To Outlaw Electricity To Secure Powerful Amish Vote (youtu.be)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink
13
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Boomer Makes Sure to Have Most Annoying Ringtone Selected at Highest Volume Before Leaving House (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 4 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
15 comments fedilink
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444
Trump Releases Skull Measurements From Phrenology Exam (theonion.com)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
17 comments fedilink
15
195
Florida To Experiment With New 600-Lever Voting Machine (youtu.be)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
6 comments fedilink
 
 

Every year.

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Elon Musk removes blocking feature so he can finally see what his kids post (chaser.com.au)
submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
4 comments fedilink
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279
Pope Francis Excommunicates All Of World’s Catholics So He Can Have Quiet Weekend Alone (theonion.com)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
5 comments fedilink
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283
Trump Warns Antifa Will Put Voter Fraud in Your Kid’s Halloween Candy (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
6 comments fedilink
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293
Kamala Harris Appears On White Noise Podcast In Appeal To Sleepy Voters (theonion.com)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
20 comments fedilink
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47
Nuclear Weapons Have The Potential To Frighten My Nervous Dogs (theonion.com)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
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284
Trump: When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
34 comments fedilink
 
 

Thanks, Onion, that does make me feel better.

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Logan Paul Claims Prime Perfectly Healthy For Average 9-Foot-Tall, 400-Pound Child (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
8 comments fedilink
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Trump Pledges To Use Obscure 18th-Century Law To Marry Daughter (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
21 comments fedilink
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Tips For Achieving Peace In The Middle East (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
15 comments fedilink
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‘New York Times’ To Cease Publication (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
9 comments fedilink
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