Looks like the orcs are out in force tonight
The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
I'd really like it if midwest.social would defed from hexbear. It's a nice instance, but the comment sections are often a disaster.
Yeah, I swear I just heard one of them say "Looks like Geek is back on the menu, boys!"
I didn't even know orcs had restaurants? How do they know what a menu is?!
Look, everyone is saying Saruman is just as bad as Sauron, but here's the thing:
Yes he is moving towards Sauron strategically on specific issues, but these issues are important to his base and he has to throw them a bone.
Yes he is illegally killing Rohan civilians, but nobody claimed the defense of the regions west of his Stone Circle system would be painless.
Yes his armies look and foreign policy look eerily similar to Sauron's, but he promises he's trying to stop him actually.
You purists in the Shire keep saying it's not necessary to destroy the whole forest of Fangorn but he got the endorsement of Lurtz, so he clearly knows more about politics than you do.
Anyone serious understands that resisting Sauron means voting for Saruman.
You should focus all your attention on the genocide of the horsemen of Rohan, and absolutely ignore the much larger genocide of the people of Gondor because they should have just surrendered to mordor in the beginning to have peace. Also mordor didn't encourage that other genocide to distract from their genocide at all.
Signed
A concerned citizen from somewhere outside mordor like St. Brandywinesburg.
I was under impression that Sauron was for order through subjugation, not chaos.
But in any case that would just make the allegory more fitting.
The twist is that halfling votes don't matter because Eriador is a solid Galadriel state. The only votes that matter are votes from small enclave of erratic Men in South Gondor
The dark lord has neither a healthy body nor a healthy mind. He's spying on you all. With hiX all-seeing eye.
But as Elrond told a hobbit before:
Yet such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world, Small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.’
Why is the hero Galadriel bragging about being endorsed by Grima Wormtongue and the Witch King of Amgmar? And what happened to all the Haradrim?
Both sides are bad because the elves had rings and Sauron had a ring. See, both the same!
She wants to fill your farmland with trees! Useless trees! No more taters or pipe weed! Good luck digging a new burrow with all those roots. Speaking of roots, did you hear about the Ents? All they do is destroy our towns, ripping our dams apart so they can drink all our water. Horrible, horrible creatures, and they will tread all over your flower gardens if you let this self-centered "elf queen" have her way!
Way too coherent, try again
When in doubt go for chaos... NO DONT I AM KIDDING
Okay but the real question being asked is "which of the two should we give the One Ring too?"
And the answer may surprise you!
Literally the message of Tolkien's writing, yes. The good guys sought to destroy power, not wield it.
I would to vote for someone who isn't immortal but NOOOO that's throwing my vote away