traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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It's more like she doesn't like sex and we've been trying to work the sexual stuff out for years unsuccessfully. The rest of the relationship is good. So if I want to get laid I'm free too.
I just don't know how to deal with my changing expectations about the relationship. Getting horny cuddling for example and how I adjust to that without getting frustrated.
Is she Ace?
This is a small chart (available on the acespec wiki)
Because from what you've said it sounds like she may be
Maybe, maybe more demisexual in the sense that most pie she has had has been within the patriarchal structure and she hasn't found pie she really likes because it's mostly been within that framework. Deferring to me because she perceived me as male and neither one of us finding satisfaction in that. Stuff like that.
As I transition maybe she'll be interested in other pie. And that's been my hope though it's not my only reason for transitioning (I don't want people deferring to me because of perceived gender at all and am enjoying estrogen).
But for now she's wanting time and space to figure it out and in the meantime we're not being sexual and I'm trying to establish boundaries with touching and flirting that work for both of us. Right now that's basically no flirting and touching has been awkward. And the relationship changing has been difficult due to my cPTSD and a lot of traumatic break ups I'm processing, clear back to my parents divorce and the state placing my brother and I with our abusive father.
It can be very difficult from an ace perspective in figuring yourself out and deconstructing what sex means to you and if you can even enjoy or want sex this can be hard to figure out.
Then there is the expectations on top which needs to be deconstructed also along with consent.
The wiki has some information for your girlfriend that may be of use but it can be a long process. It would be advantageous to start there
My wife and I are both acespec and have spent years working through trauma etc.
Thanks! Yeah, there's trauma on both are ends that's made communication difficult. I'll dive into the wiki.