this post was submitted on 15 Apr 2024
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Hey yo I also didn't "Know my sex was wrong". What I knew (speaking when i was a child) was that
I was a boy because I had a penis, therefore I could never be a girl and I lost the coin flip
I wished I could have been a girl but that was just a fantasy so I had to get over it
Since i have to be a boy I was gonna be hetero-cisnormative because I didn't want to stand out
The want to be a woman was always a desire for me. Pretty strong desire, but ultimately that. I would daydream about waking up suddenly and being transformed into a girl, or having shape-shifting powers that would let me turn into a girl. I was so jealous of shapeshifters in media.
Certainly I know some people who could be described as the stereotypical trans woman. And I 100% totally understand how you feel invalid bexuase you don't conform to those stereotypes. It's pretty Painful comparing yourself to others who you perceive as more femme or as more valid than you. I get misgendered a lot and I think it's because I don't fall into these stereotypes. I don't really wanna get bottom surgery (that being said I do want a vagina but I don't really hate my dick either so it's like w/e not worth the surgery).
Frankly, if you feel like this is hurting you, reading this book. Just stop. It's not for people like us. I could say that I'm a bit more "in the middle" than a lot of trans women. I'm bi, I'm not like super super femme. I like my muscles and am keeping them. I like topping. But like that's also OK.
I'm very happy to hear you out and keep talking about this btw
Wait wait. I had those same things as a kid. I had no idea transition is possible. I was quite cisnormative as a kid too. I thought it was disgusting that amab people would present in any way that wasn't cisnormative. It took me a very long time to get to where I was. My mindset was "Oh, I would have liked to been born a woman but I wasnt so I can't do that and I don't want to". I never cross dressed, and if you asked me to as a kid or even a young adult I wouldn't have ever done it. For a long time trans people didn't make me jealous. They made me embarrassed. Like "Oh my god you're really doing that? How are you doing that don't you know that's wrong?" Kind of thoughts. Ironically I also did respect pronouns all the time but it was scary for me. Even 2 years ago I don't think you could havw gotten me into a dress if you tried.
It wasn't until I recognized in myself that I've always wanted to be a woman in my thoughts and that if I could, I would choose to do a perfect gender transition where I didn't have to deal with any societal issues. Then I worked backwards and realized that I could try all this stuff... and I did. And I loved it. And it was better than I ever could have imagined. But yes, the road was very very confusing for me too.
Yeah and honestly I'm trans and queer as fuck so yeah lol (I do feel invalid a lot because of these experiences as a kid and often have thoughts about whether I'm tricking myself into being trans)
Idk how old you are but like I think you need to be a bit gentle with yourself because at past for me, gender was an "immutable trait" when I was a kid and the idea of being trans was completely absent from my childhood. If you're over 25 likely it was the same for you. You were raised in a society
.
That being said, I definitely feel invalid because I never played with barbies, I was never really super close friends with women, I'm not really all that femme.... but like I'm pretty sure I'm trans? I don't think I'm faking it? But sometimes it feels like it.
I guess, I also just wanna say that like every trans person deals with this feeling. I do.