You know where you can find people who generally don't suck and are less likely to be shallow capitalist boogers? Organizing spaces. Find someone doing something good locally. Get into social spaces that are "woke" where people are awesome and accommodating to mental health concerns and generally just want to make the world a better place. Importantly, make sure you find local folks and get out of the internet a bit.

It's getting two birds stoned at once, you do something good in this world that is, for the most part, going to shit, and you also gain friends, make nice memories, and hopefully start to heal.

Things ARE bad right now. We have a horrible wealth gap, we are deep into late stage capitalism, enshittification is rampant and climate change looms on our horizon

That said: do yourself a favour and learn more about terrible times in human history and the things people did to survive.

People have lived through horrible awful times and still found a way to continue on, find joy, survive, have small victories. I stopped spiraling out about how depressing the future looked when I learned more about the past... it shows you we are resilient. We are adaptible. We find a way. We WILL find a way. Just dont allow yourself to give into the despair--find the things you need to ground yourself, find your small victories, genuinely smell the roses and enjoy what you can. Look into taoism and concepts like finding inner peace among chaos. It helps a lot, trust.

Stay angry and stay vocal about our circumstances but dont let it steal the time you have on this earth, there is a lot here still to spark happiness and contentment.

Im over 50. I generally been good at school after the early grades. I grew up at a time when someone could still get a job with a high school degree and at least do alright for themselves. Afford a place to live on their own and pay their bills and be able to get around. I thought if I did well in school I would be able to afford the middle class american dream. support a modest home, wife, and kids. Over time a single income became increasingly impossible to support a household on. I did relative well compared to my peers but my wife has medical issues so we have had to live a very lean lifestyle to get by on one income with higher than normal medical costs. I am not in my 50's and two years out of work living off shrinking savings that are supposed to help us get through retirement. We are kinda lucky we were saving to get some remodeling done to make it easier for my wife. Basically make it more handicap friendly. In addition we wanted to get some more energy efficient appliances especially the hvac system. That is pretty much what we are burning through along with doing some dangerous things like not getting the hvac a checked up and such. We are essentially as belt tightened as possible. So personally. From my experience. Life has gotten worse for people like me (americans). My father was able to own and pay off an admidately ramshackled house but looking at it from modern times it was a freaking mansion. 5 bedroom, 3 bathrooms, a full basement, sep living, dining, kitchen, breakfast nook. He never went to high school. Let me reiterate. Its not that he never graduated high school. He never graduated junior high. He never went to high school at all. We generally had two cars. Used sure but two. He payed for a household of 7 kids and a wife and himself and had plenty saved for retirement. I have a stem bachelors dual majored with a masters degree and worked extensively in the field. I am looking at eventually losing my two bedroom condo before retirement which also does not look good even if I got a job tommorrow unless I can make a ton in the next ten years. So anyway take that what you will but for my life and experience stuff has gotten worse as far as day to day life pretty much my whole life.

In 1960 the minimum wage was $1.00/hour and the average US home cost $11,000.00

Yeah, things are pretty bad right now

There's some good advice here, one thing I'll say is that if you feel bad about the state of the country/world, the best way to get over that is by organizing. There's studies talking about people who get involved are more optimistic about the future. Being around people who are actively trying to make a better world can do wonders for combatting doomerism. Join a leftist cause or a mutual aid group (not a charity) and build something.

It sounds like you used the Internet to figure out that your home life sucked and life is better out there. But now the Internet is literally having the opposite effect. My advice at this point is literally spend less time on the Internet. Think of the Internet as the person who helped you to realize there are better things in life. But then that friend starts to drag you down. You get rid of the friend. That sounds harsh, but that’s just how life works.

I don’t know if you live in a big town or a small town, but I would say think of something or some things that you enjoy. Join clubs or groups that do those sorts of things. I saw this comment the other day on another post. It isn’t about quantity. It is an about quality.

One really good friend is The equivalent of 100 average friends or just acquaintances.

I’m not saying don’t have average friends or acquaintances, I’m saying look for the ones who are good friends.

A good friend is the one who you can call at two in the morning and say “ Shit, I just put my car in the ditch, I’m probably legally drunk, And if the cops find me, I am screwed” . That really good friend , he’ll be there.

A good friend is the one who you call when you find out your significant other is cheating on you, and understands the best course of action or at least can help you find the best course of action. Pro tip keying the cheaters car is not the best idea.

Acquaintances will simply say oh man I’m so sorry but then you don’t hear anything more from them.

Look for the good friends in those groups. And yes, I know what you’re saying , It’s hard to find people to hang out with. But that’s why I’m saying find clubs find organizations that do what you enjoy.

Here’s a really good example of what I mean by the Internet can bring you down. People in Scotland were afraid to come to the US because of what their media was saying about the US. What their media was saying how we treat other people. Go on YouTube and look at World Cup soccer fans from Scotland and you will see people who are amazed at how they got treated. How well they got treated.

And that’s going from Scotland to the US. I went from Minnesota to Washington DC a couple of years ago. As a tourist. I was concerned that everybody was gonna be cold and distant. Because that’s what I’ve always been told. That the people in DC are basically cold assholes. You couldn’t be more wrong about that statement. Everybody That I ran across was very nice. And it didn’t matter if it was in a restaurant if it was on the street if it was in a museum, it didn’t matter. People in general were and are quite pleasant.

The media loves to fear monger. And you see a lot of that on the Internet. But the reality is most people are actually very nice.

Yes and no.

But no, all the stupid shit in the US is not normal. Obama was normal. Biden was approaching normal. Hell, Bush was pretty "normal" but we also had this comfusing time becsuse the US suffered a huge attack on our own soil unlike anything before. Like Pearl Harbor, maybe, but that was active war. This was just unprovoked death.

FWIW, I am mid 40s, I was at college during 9/11, so its not like I was a toddler.

I was feeling really optimistic about the world from like, 2006-2016, and even then I was still optimistic that dumbfuck Trump would just be a blowhard do nothing. But then he wasn't. Then we went screaming back. Its not normal.

Awful shit in the news every fucking day for basically 12 years+ now is mentally draining. Personally, I don't give a shit anymore about anyone or anything. I hate that I feel this way, but I can't just blissfully ignore it.

This probably doesn't help you much.

I'm a bit older and much of my life was lived before the Internet. Social media has changed us all for the worse and you'll do yourself well for staying off of it as much as you can. And yes, there is much more to life than what you're aware of right now in your life.

I'd say if you are able to maintain steady income, friends, interests, don't live in an active war zone or other disaster area, and have a few other lucky circumstances like that, you can (at least for now) have a reasonably happy existence. You don't have to ignore or deny the terrible stuff going on elsewhere. There have always been wars and poverty happening, but it's ok to respond more to your sense of your immediate surroundings (where things are going ok) than to your sense of bad stuff happening in remote times and places.

The internet and political news reminds us that bad times may be coming for everyone due to global warming, AI propaganda from encroaching dictatorships, and all that stuff. Don't ignore that. Oppose it if you can. But, don't let it overcome your hopefully-reasonably-good existence in the present.

Certainly, if spending all day on the internet makes you neurotic, then try to cut back on it. Some people choose to eliminate it completely from their lives, at least for a while. I haven't done that so don't know if it helps.

people who razor focus on how awful everything is because of politics and such, are usually only doing that as a coping mechanism for their own personal misery with their life.

they are not well people, or happy ones. hence their need to hyperbolize the negativity around them.

you also have the flip side, folks who can't cope with anything negative in life or in the world, who just deny it exists, this is the toxic positivity folks.

well-adjusted folks realize their limits and focus on controlling what they can, acknowledging what they can't, and not investing emotional energy in things outside their control. they also tend to break problems down into attainable steps/goals, rather than catastrophize or engage in optimistic delusion like unwell folks do.

I've read enough in my life to know that I'd rather be alive now than any other time in human history. I also acknowledge that I'd rather be living where I am than a pretty decent chunk of the rest of the world.

But I also acknowledge that with all the advancements in science and technology things should be a whole hell of a lot better/easier than they are, but they aren't because of the greed of a relatively small percentage of our species preventing us from accessing those advancements and preventing us from achieving further social progress. Things really don't need to be this much of a struggle in the 21st century.

There's no such thing as utopia, but we absolutely have the means to be lot closer to it than we are and that's supremely frustrating. Especially if you're like me and accept that you're not going anywhere other than the permanent void after you take your last breath.

It feels like we're 2 feet from the finish line but our feet have been nailed to the asphalt by assholes who've placed bets against us crossing it.

The bottom line is you have to do what's best for your mental health so you don't suffer every minute of every day. The strategy for that is different for everyone. For me it's keeping close tabs about what's going on in the country/world during the work week when I'm stressed/pissed about being at work anyway, then totally checking out completely on weekends. No social media. No news. Nada.

Personally, I don't think it's right to bury your head in the sand completely. The truth is that if you live in the U.S. we ARE going backwards. Our rights ARE being infringed. Our quality of life WILL decline if we remain on the path we are currently on. But everyone checking out will only accelerate the decline and push us past a point of no return.

Find your strategy. Force yourself to unplug on some sort of recurring schedule so you get the framework of the awful shit happening but maybe not the non-stop gory details. You don't necessarily need every detail in order to maintain your moral compass. And you certainly don't need every detail if you want to keep your sanity.

Yes and no.

Yes, in that it does and will affect you, and you do need to take an interest. You need to vote in every election you can, you need to stay involved, you need to make a stand. Without that we will lose everything we care about. Those in power have shown that they are happy to chip away at things, but as soon as any opposition is shown they start backing down.

No, in that your life is your own, and you can't let politics dictate your life. As someone with a ton of anxiety, I cannot read the news daily, I do not subscribe to the news communities, I have to stay away from it. I choose to live my life and make the most of it, living day to day. My family and friends are the most important to me, and I spend my time enjoying them. I came very close to crumpling into a deep depression due to the news, and then got help. It was a hard lesson in learning I cannot personally change everything, and I cannot hold myself responsible for everything that has happened.

Confused? Good. It's a personal journey, you have to pick and choose yourself, and draw your own lines and figure out where your responsibility is and when you've done your part. I stay educated, I know what's happening, I know who I'm voting for, I know when to stand up. That does not mean I need to stay glued to my computer and doomscroll. You'll have to draw your own line.

This is a hard one and I think you're asking the wrong question. This post reads to me like you're trying to prevent getting into the same situation you were in as a child by thinking through everything.

Notice the underlying assumption that people will always act selfish ("capitalism makes everyone selfish", "a partner only wants to enjoy your stable life"), are unreliable ("people are only fair-weather friends", "people don't want to socialize") and are always out to get you ("going outside is dangerous, because people want to run me over and fascists will kill me", "someone wants to wipe out my progress").

And (apart from your parents) is that how people in your life have behaved? (Like e.g. People in school, early childhood friends, teachers or even strangers)

You wrote that your brain is "constantly thinking about everything and everyone that could kill me or take everything I have", but I think it's also what your assuming everyone WANTS to do.

So, is the internet useful? Well depends on how you use it.

You can choose to see the fascists in the streets and get confirmation. Or you can choose to notice the protestors, the actions people are taking against the fascists.

But, if left alone, the internet will reinforce what you already believe, be it true or not. You can use the internet to challenge your assumptions, but it takes as much questioning, soul-searching and conscious effort as doing that in the real world.

And changing a survival mechanism and belief that kept you alive during childhood is one of the toughest things one can do. It's not impossible, but it requires a lot of uncertainty and finding a lot of little assumptions that were only useful during childhood.

No, life is both. Within it is the most grandiose beauty you could ever imagine, alongside unspeakable horrors. Both heaven and hell take their inspiration from the mortal plane.

I'm something of an existentialist at heart, so I truly believe that life is what we make it. Nothing more and nothing less.

There are real problems and challenges in the world. Good and evil both exist. Some days you will be happy and at peace and other days you will be consumed by pain and sorrow.

All of these things are part of life, and the universe itself is ambivalent to us.

Figure out what your philosophy on life is and live.

This is long and rather rambling and I have no idea if it makes any sense at all...

I grew up in a home where I was isolated from almost everyone outside my family (it was normal to go days or weeks without leaving my house as a child) and had an abusive parent. I have actual (not self diagnosed) PTSD from it.

I escaped my family to marry too young into what I thought was a good relationship but ended up being to a manipulative person who could be good to me but who treated me poorly most of the time, dismissed my feelings, and gaslighted me until I genuinely thought I was losing my mind (the actual form of gaslighting, not the reddit version). That relationship went on way too long.

I escaped that and had to start over with a few hundred dollars in my bank account in my 30s. Right as I was getting my feet under me Trump 2.0 happened and I got swept up in the negativity and panic.

I felt like I had to be glued to the news all the time to avoid being complacent. I felt like if I wasn't aware of everything going on I was abusing my privilege to not be aware of things that weren't affecting me.

My mental health was already destroyed from all the bad things that happened to me and this shit sent me far deeper into the spiral and prevented me from ever getting out.

So I stopped.

I don't ever want to be complacent, I don't ever want to stop standing up for what is right, but feeling so crushed by the world that I can't even get out of bed on my days off isn't helping anyone.

I only scan local news websites now and whatever global news pops up on Lemmy, but I rarely click on it. I occasionally pop over to propublica because I think their work is excellent.

I started making an effort to have more real conversations with people around me, and not doom and gloom conversations, but conversations like "what hobbies do you have?" and questions about who they are as people and what life experiences they are. I've even told a few people "my life has been rough and I never really got to have hobbies and now I'm trying to find things I like, what are your favorite things to do?" It's led to some really good conversations and some people in the real world really do suck but a lot are really cool people!

My mental health has improved so much. I obviously am less aware of what's going on in the world because I'm not dialed in constantly to the news headlines, but I don't feel any more complacent and I still feel completely ready to stand up and defend what I believe is right. I'm still going to go vote in every election, but I don't need to overwhelm my mind with things I can't control to the point that I'm useless to step in when there is something I can control.

It does feel like I'm doomed and that one day I'll end up jobless and homeless, but you know what? Fuck it. I'll go down swinging. I have a job and an adorable little apartment and all of that is so fragile and I could lose it so quickly but right now it's still mine and every time I go to bed I'm filled with gratitude that I have a home and food in my fridge and I am doing this myself. I can only control what I can control.

Today I went for a walk near my home and found a turtle. I also found a bumble bee crawling around in the road and I picked it up and moved it before it could get run over and got to take a moment to enjoy the fuzzy little bee crawling up my arm. Enjoy the little moments. Stop and breathe and smell the flowers. Log off and go literally touch grass.

It's ok to take a break. You need to come first, because if you don't find your own oxygen mask you'll suffocate before you can put on anyone else's. And don't forget to be grateful for what you do have and maybe some day you'll have all the things you lack.

I feel much the same as you. I'm quite a bit older too. I've lost all faith in our systems and actively hate most of the people around me. The only thing keeping me sane is my small group of best friends. Without them, I'd have snapped a long time ago. Things definitely look bleak and if they don't change quickly and dramatically I doubt we'll make it. I wish I could help more, but I know misery loves company.

You would probably appreciate developing direct personal connections. Could be irl or on the internet, just not super anonymous text based stuff like Lemmy.

Humans are a product of their circumstances, they can change over time, there is diversity within a community. Overly broad brushing can lead to a despair like you're describing and it's good to remember it's not accurate. At the same time it is good to be aware of tendencies and patterns because the risks you mention are real in various pockets and subsets of society. The best protection against them is relationships with everyone else, and particularly those who are opposed to and organize against, for example, fascists.

Zoom down to a niche or the local level. E.g., following news about mountain biking or the latest on your city council can fill the same desire that you currently try to do by following up on the senate.
There will be intersections with federal, but much less toxic.

I'm 48. Grew up without Internet, without cell phones, without fox news.

When 9/11 happened fox became one of the hottest news outlets. I started watching it all the time. Then I started listening to Rush, Glenn Beck, And Michael savage. It was literally changing my thought process. To the point I didn't recognize myself. With that self realization and some friends and family commenting that I turned into a asshole.

I shut that shit off permanently and it took awhile but I finally recognized myself and vowed to do better.

Fight for the causes you believe in. Everything else tune out as much as possible it's the only thing that has kept me sane since Trump's second term. I limit myself to 30 minutes of world news a day.

Don't click or read anything that outrages you, you can always find a summary on reddit or here without giving the right wing media views.

20 plus years of fox News has destroyed this country. And nobody seems to remember a time when most headlines weren't rage bait or just fkn gossip

Why do you only post in asklemmy?

More than ever before, life is truly what you make of it.

The very affluent can live among the very poor. The darkest skin tones with the lightest. The happiest among the depressed.

Beware of garbage in and garbage out.

Your thoughts will become your words, those words will become your actions, and those actions will become your world.

It is truly a blank piece of paper.

(Unless you wear certain tshirts, bring your children to school in the usa, etc)

The world is changing very rapidly, and the future will be a rough ride for many, but the art is to understand that there are things that you can change and things you must accept.

And it’s a rare show. We’ve never had environmental collapse overlap with the fall of an empire before on Earth. Only death is certain (yes, even for you Elon)

You've lived for 23 years and still don't know if life is shit?