I (23M) am becoming increasingly aware that my regular exposure to political content seems to be incompatible with my own mental well-being.
I was raised by two narcissistic parents, one of whom was violent. I have very few positive or loving memories. My trauma turned my brain into a 24/7 threat detector. I'm constantly thinking about everything and everyone that could kill me or take everything I have.
The Internet has taught me that the world is less awful than the hellish place I came from. But I've hit a wall where I can't get better because I am constantly being reminded by well-meaning people that everything in the U.S. is going to shit.
My trauma narrative eats this stuff up. It sees fascists on the streets, impending financial and ecological crises, the dangers of cars, widespread hyperindividualism, the decline of third spaces, and constant phone and social media use. Then it says, "Nobody can be trusted because capitalism makes everyone shallow and selfish. Going outside is dangerous because of cars and fascists. Most people don't want to socialize because they are too busy. There are no good places to meet anyone. Everyone who does socialize is just a fair-weather friend because support is outsourced to paid therapy and the eroding welfare system. I'll never be good enough for a partner because I can't build a stable life and dating apps are designed to not work. Any job I get won't last long because of the collapsing economy. Going to college is too financially risky. There is no stability. Nothing good ever lasts. My progress will be wiped out by systemic forces far beyond my control."
It seems like U.S. politics is about instability and collapse at this point, and because I have so few positive memories, it feels like life itself is about instability and collapse. Your money, your job, your social circle, your health, everything you've worked for -- all of it could just go up in smoke tomorrow. I can't take anything for granted or have any confidence in the future. I can't fully enjoy anything because I'm too busy thinking about how I'll cope with its inevitable loss.
Is this really what life is? Just watching every good thing disappear? Being born into a mostly-functioning society just to watch it fall apart? Knowing you'll have to weather every struggle alone because people only care about themselves? Being promised a stable life and career all throughout school only for the rug to be pulled at the last minute?
There has to be more to life than this.
Is staying on the Internet really worth it?
(Also yes I go to therapy, I'm working on myself but that shit is hard af sometimes)
This is a hard one and I think you're asking the wrong question. This post reads to me like you're trying to prevent getting into the same situation you were in as a child by thinking through everything.
Notice the underlying assumption that people will always act selfish ("capitalism makes everyone selfish", "a partner only wants to enjoy your stable life"), are unreliable ("people are only fair-weather friends", "people don't want to socialize") and are always out to get you ("going outside is dangerous, because people want to run me over and fascists will kill me", "someone wants to wipe out my progress").
And (apart from your parents) is that how people in your life have behaved? (Like e.g. People in school, early childhood friends, teachers or even strangers)
You wrote that your brain is "constantly thinking about everything and everyone that could kill me or take everything I have", but I think it's also what your assuming everyone WANTS to do.
So, is the internet useful? Well depends on how you use it.
You can choose to see the fascists in the streets and get confirmation. Or you can choose to notice the protestors, the actions people are taking against the fascists.
But, if left alone, the internet will reinforce what you already believe, be it true or not. You can use the internet to challenge your assumptions, but it takes as much questioning, soul-searching and conscious effort as doing that in the real world.
And changing a survival mechanism and belief that kept you alive during childhood is one of the toughest things one can do. It's not impossible, but it requires a lot of uncertainty and finding a lot of little assumptions that were only useful during childhood.
This is a REALLY good point. I think I might be projecting a lot here. And, no -- as sad and confusing as it is, not one person in my life has acted nearly as antagonistic or vindictive towards me as my actual parents, even the kids who bullied me at school.
I know this sounds fucking insane, but my parents threatened to kill me, abandon me, or take things from me all the time and still do. I still live with them because I'm chronically ill, disabled, and depressed, but I'm working on getting out.
In fact, I stood up to them earlier today at dinner, telling them that their words and tone of voice were hurtful, and they literally laughed in my face, called me an "ungrateful piece of shit," and said they weren't going to buy me food or drive me places anymore, which prevents me from getting routine medical and dental care. So indeed, they take away basic support if I criticize them. But I realized that nothing will change if I continue to fear them. Every day I become less afraid, and their threat level has risen in tandem.
Truly, there is no hate like their love.
So I guess I treat life like an extension of my parents, where I am emotionally abused, neglected, and in constant danger of being physically hurt or losing basic privileges if I make any wrong move. It feels like I am constantly living under their contemptuous gaze, starving for warmth and acknowledgement, and people will punish me or withhold resources from me if I express my honest feelings or fail to meet expectations.
Thanks for pointing out that pattern. I feel a little less lost than before.