Ok, but before pants, humans wore robes, kilts, loin cloths, all kinds of coverings besides just pants.
Also, fun fact, the reason why it's called a "pair" of pants is because each pant leg used to be a separate garment; they were held up together at the waist with a belt.
Which side does the penis and balls go in?
Neither. They go in the codpiece.
Which was a fish
That's just an exhausting way to live. Toga makes more sense now.
A roughly semicircular cloth, between 12 and 20 feet (3.7 and 6.1 m)!
Exomis or tunic for me.
Having donned a toga several times for Halloween, I can tell you, they're surprisingly comfortable and delightfully breezy for the undercarriage.
One ball each side and your penis hangs out as a form of either pride or as a means of intimidating your enemies.
Or maybe just no depictions of it.
Also, "pants" being a piece of leather wrapped around.
Or could it be that bone preserves better than textiles?
An absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence, as they say.
Who says early pants weren't made of penis bones
"Indications of humans wearing pants" doesn’t have to refer to an archeologist finding preserved remains of pants buried in the ground. It could refer to art depicting people wearing pants, writings where people are described as wearing pants, a receipt for the purchase of some pants, or even the discovery of tools that could be used for making pants.
Og bought pants today for one ooga, attached is the receipt, a sworn statement, and several paintings of Og wearing the heck out of these bad boys.
I myself gave on account of you 19 pairs of trousers to the palace and Sumi-abum gave (likewise) 18 pairs of trousers, apart from the sealed document which we both handed over to the temple of Shamash.
Complaint tablet to Ea-Pantsir
We got us a scientist here.
It does say "indication" which would probably include more than just literal physical remains of pants, like drawings and statues.
Pants were a bad idea anyway.
Horses maybe?
Never seen horses with pants.
Time to widen your horizons.
Maybe just don't put the rope post thing on the front of the saddle where you can smack your nads against it. 🤷♂️
It also gives the cowboy somewhere to put his hand on while riding. Otherwise, you know where he'd put his hand if the pommel wasn't there.
Anyway, here's Wander Balls.
Those damn flute 'n roll degenerate hippies! /s
So all the dancing then was cheek to cheek?
I'll just show myself out.
Historians commonly refer to this period as, "the good old days".
"I'm so sick, think I might have pneumonia" -"no worries, I got something that will make you feel better again!", [plays the flute for you].
According to The Flintstones, we had record players before pants.
I learned so much from that show.
For example, did you know that it's more efficient to push a giant stone car around from the center while sitting down than it is to just walk where you're going?
Alone? Probably not. In group? It could be worth it for the weaker ones in the group. Or when carrying cargo it could be easier to push the roundish wheels than carrying it. To be honest, if your knees or legs are bad or hurt in some way I can imagine it being more bearable sitting than walking, even with the extra weight
(I know I'm overanalyzing a joke comment)
Makes sense, I know from hard one experience experience you can't carve bones into pants. At least not ones that are comfortable.
Party
I always listen to Spotify naked
there's actually some debate about whether that particular flute is actually a flute, or if those holes are from animal teeth
check out this video by an archaeology grad student for more info on the development of music and musicality (you can skip to 10:30 if you just care about flutes)
They just don't want us to have the oldest flute
Another lie brought to you by big New Flute.
Bones last longer than organic fibers?
This is still a funny meme, though.
Yeah but what if the pants were polyester
Rock concerts were a completely different experience back then
Makes you think about how they transported it and/or played it.
Probably in their pocket. Before being incorporated into clothing, "pockets" referred to small pouches that were cinched shut and tied to a belt. The term "pickpocket" was created during this time. It was common to use a small, sharp knife to cut and "pick" pockets right off someone's belt.
Meanwhile in 2026 someone gifts me a pair of Nike shorts and they have no pockets
Gotta save that 12 cents. Profits are only slightly higher than last year's
Etiquette schools will have you hold a flute between your butt cheeks and walk to improve posture.
Golden age
But we've always had the skin flute.
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