I SAY, I SAY - YOU'RE PISSIN' TOO DARN LOUD, BOY! IT'S LATE AT NIGHT AND YOUR PISSIN' RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE BOWL LIKE YOU'RE FRYING CHICKEN IN THERE! YOU GOTTA PISS ON THE SIDE, BOY! MAKE IT A STEALTH MISSION! YOU'RE CAUSING A WHOLE RUCKUS PISSIN' LIKE THAT, BOY -
I am 7 again, in front of a cathode ray tube television with a manual channel dial and a knob to switch between UHF and VHF
This is art.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
You should sit down to pee. It is disgusting to stand and let it splash everywhere (and yes, it does)
The last time I sat to piss I shot through the roof like a Fattah 2 hypersonic missile. After I woke up from the concussion I was falling from the stratosphere at 10,000 meters per second. I had to use my stream to avoid being struck by incoming THAAD missiles my body triggered when I attained near escape velocity. No thanks comrade. I piss standing up with a two ton towing capacity winch wraped around my waist bolted to the load barring center joist of my moms house just to keep me grounded.
This is the goodpost that badpost doesn’t deserve
I need you to pressure wash my driveway
You need to supply me with 3 gallons of BAJA BLAST® because it's a refreshing drink with a blast of natural and artificial lime flavor. It is a summer classic, and ensures for a powerful stream.
Here at Pro-State Pressure Washing, we only hire the stoutest, most beer-drinkingest men
Then we make them do kegels until they can kill a fly with the strength and accuracy of their stream
Pissmogged your mom
This is the downside of Pressuremaxxing
Sing loud sea shanties while pissing to distract her.
Bonus points if the shanties are about pissing.
Especially if the shanties don't rhyme "pee" and "sea," because that's gauche
Set up some microphones and start your Thunderous Pissing ASMR YouTube channel. Now when you're pissing you're working too
Heat seeking pissle
I wonder if my shits can blow holes in drywall 
get yourself a piss muffler
That's the nickname I gave your dad.
If you don't want to audiocast while company are over or family is around you can either do better sound proofing the fart closet or take a seat.
Is your mom possibly Bloody Mary? And I think the problem was less the noise than that it was directly on the floor.
Piss silently in the sink.
Wouldn't be the first or last time.
Put 2-3 slices of TP in the toilet b4 pissing. Makes a world of a difference. Also aim for the porcelain, not the water.
Otherwise might be best to invest in a pissdrawer.
Chat is this real
Who gave you that picture!? I BET IT WAS MOM!! FUCK!
Unironically, people who don't close the toilet door when they pee are inconsiderate. I don't want to hear you peeing. Not at 2am not at 2pm. Close the door when you're peeing, then when you're done close the lid and then flush. Depending on house rules flushing may be optional because houses with old pipes and old shitters can be noisy.
My brother and dad don't do the above, so I'm woken up when they go to the loo and THE SOUND OF PISSING MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PEE TOO THEN I HAVE TO GET UP AND GO AND I CAN'T GET BACK TO SLEEP
Mom, is that you?
CONSARNIT
When she complains you have to piss through the drywall into her office. If you don't establish dominance over her now she soon won't even respect you enough to bring you your tendies during a strenuous gaming session.
badposting is a comm where you post badly
This is not a !the_dunk_tank@hexbear.net alternative. This is not a !memes@hexbear.net alternative. This is a place for you to post your bad posts.
Ever had a really shitty bit idea? Joke you want to take way past the point of where it was funny? Want to feel like a stand-up comedy guy who's been bombing a set for the past 30 minutes straight and at this point is just saying shit to see if people react to it? Really bad pun? A homemade cringe concoction? A cognitohazard that you have birthed into this world and have an urge to spread like chain mail?
Code of Conduct applies just as much here as it does everywhere else. Technically, CoC violations are bad posts. On the other hand: L + ratio + get ~~better~~ worse material bozo