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Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth jokingly said any surge in takeout deliveries to the Pentagon — a phenomenon that has accurately predicted the start of major geopolitical events — could be him ordering pizza “just to throw everybody off.”

Asked about the “Pentagon Pizza Report,” an account on X that tracks activity at local pizza joints near the U.S. military hub, Hegseth said he was aware of the account.

“I’ve thought of just ordering lots of pizza on random nights just to throw everybody off,” he said Sunday on Fox News. “Some Friday night when you see a bunch of Dominos orders, it might just be me on an app, throwing the whole system off so we keep everybody off balance. We look at every indicator.”

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[-] First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 160 points 2 months ago

Someone tell him about th gay bar index so he starts going there randomly too

[-] Soulphite@reddthat.com 49 points 2 months ago

it's not gay if you don't look into each other's eyes...

Pete Kegsbreath

[-] CXORA@aussie.zone 15 points 2 months ago

Dude no... dont send republicans to ruin the vibe.

[-] Lemminary@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

Tbf, they're not sending anyone to where they haven't been before. 🤷‍♂️

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[-] tomiant@piefed.social 117 points 2 months ago

All I hear is that the pizza index works, he is too fucking dumb to do anything about it, and is clearly rattled about it. If he was serious he would have kept his mouth shut, which he can't, and it's all bullshit.

[-] Aatube@thriv.social 4 points 2 months ago

call me optimistic but i think he's just having a laugh

[-] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 months ago

He's too stupid and dangerous to be given that benefit of the doubt.

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[-] Scrollone@feddit.it 5 points 2 months ago

Are you having a laugh? Is he having a laugh???

(Ricky Gervais)

[-] MrMcGasion@lemmy.world 60 points 2 months ago

"Thought about" and "might just" are two phrases middle aged white guys use when we want to talk big and then never follow through. I'd be shocked if he puts in one "fake" order, and highly doubt he'll be able to be consistent enough to throw off the tracker.

[-] tomiant@piefed.social 8 points 2 months ago

Right. He's too fucking dumb to pull off even random pizza orders. In any case, everyone knows that to really throw people off the scent you tell them about your plans, right? What a fucking muppet.

[-] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Or maybe they'll do one fake order the day before the real one and keep doing it like that, and the half-assing just means the pizza index predicts it one day earlier.

[-] derAbsender@piefed.social 1 points 2 months ago

So did he Just admit that war with Iran is imminent?

[-] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 48 points 2 months ago

That's why he invited that reporter to his illegal Signal chat, just to throw everyone off

[-] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 33 points 2 months ago

We look at every indicator.

After it's become widespread international news meaning our allies and enemies have known for at least a decade...

[-] daychilde@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

at least a decade…

You're not wrong, but even this article mentions a news article from 1991… heh

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[-] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 25 points 2 months ago

“No raises this year, gentlemen. And ladies. But hey, PIZZA PARTY!!”

[-] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago

Okay, fuck, he got me, that's really funny. Good job. Now please submit to The Hague, confess everything, and spend the rest of your life in prison.

[-] tomiant@piefed.social 8 points 2 months ago

A decade ago I was like, "FOX hosts are vile, disgusting, fucking goblins, but at least they're not in government".

I refuse to accept this is the reality I exist in.

[-] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago
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[-] ilinamorato@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago

And what is he going to do with all of those "diversion" pizzas?

Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you're planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.

But the party of "lol your poor git gud" wouldn't dream of such a thing. More likely they'll toss them in the dumpster.

[-] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

Americans shouldn't starve in such a wealthy nation, but there's just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The ~~defense~~ war budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all that

[-] ilinamorato@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Loved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran's shelter.

[-] tomiant@piefed.social 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

That would do nothing to block the alleged information leak. You'd simply count the number of pizzas reaching homeless shelters instead, and if there's a lower than normal amount, you know we're gonna invade Iran. I mean, know it even harder.

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[-] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

There was a tmnt toy back in the day that had a pizza cannon (I think it was the turtle van). I think tech might have caught up to that point by now to do it in real life.

[-] thesohoriots@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

You know he doesn’t tip, so they’re not delivering twice.

[-] Heikki2@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago

The real order will look like the Pentagon is throwing a kegger

[-] Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 points 2 months ago

That's just an average day for the alcoholic in charge.

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[-] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 11 points 2 months ago

A real military mobilization is about as easy to conceal as a sunrise. And you're not going to fool anyone by ordering a few extra pizzas.

[-] daannii@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

Aren't all the pedos using "pizza" as covert code for child pornography ?

[-] crunchy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 months ago

Pretty sure he said this exact thing last year when the Pizza Index was correct. Is this a cute little gem he just has on standby?

[-] daychilde@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Yes, except it's not cute, nor really a game. Just stupidity. But otherwise, you're right :)

[-] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 months ago

You're joking about your own ineptitudes? Bold strategy

[-] MuskyMelon@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Give us your credit card number Pete and we'll help you order those pizzas.

[-] paraphrand@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

He thought of ordering lots of pizza? What a genius mastermind.

[-] lemmie689@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 2 months ago

Hello? Is this Dominos?

[-] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

I'm always surprised the pizza index works. There are over 20 restaurants inside the Pentagon, including a pizza place. It should be easy to make everyone order from those when something is happening

[-] Kcap@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Well at least our troops will be fat asses just like he wants them.

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this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2026
255 points (98.5% liked)

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