I also saw a post that showed that these things send about 20 GIGABYTES of telemetry every month. Absolute clown shit.

edit: Found a source! This person actually had 30 GB/month.

Bed bugs

:kelly:

my bed is connected to and controlled by web services because i am a genius sleepmaxxer.

“Eight Sleep confirmed there’s no offline mode yet, but they’re working on it.”

first off, the idea of anything on a bed wanting internet access, but making it a requirement for all operations with no alternative means the project managers for this "smart" bed should be bundled together and tossed into the ocean.

No offline mode for your bed

Remember, if your bed remains upright for more than 4 hours, contact your sleep doctor.

I like how this article is classed under Entertainment

This is the same company that left back doors open to every bed

https://trufflesecurity.com/blog/removing-jeff-bezos-from-my-bed

What is this even istg i don't understand 2025

me pointing and laughing on my sub-$300 mattress that has worked just fine for over 10 years and doesn't need to keep track of everytime I rip a fart or mumble "Death to ameriKKKa, death to piSSreal; Infinite 9/11s on the western world" in my sleep

Doesn't sound very smart to me.

A real tech bro would also need AWS for his pillows.

Imagine this:

You are trying to go to sleep, but your bed has a firmware update and a nag beep every 3 hours reminding you that it needs to be rebooted to complete the update.

Now imagine that society would be better off if the next Amazon outage was permanent.

Critical support to Comrade Amazon in its war on the AmeriKKKan Empire's uh, *checks notes* techbros who insist on buying internet-connected beds

Fucking hilarious that most of US infrastructure would shut down if a single well targeted attack hit us-east-1

Not so smart anymore, are ya?

Eight Sleep’s products rely on cloud connectivity to control temperature and track biometric data. When AWS went down, users lost access to the app that manages its water-cooled coils, leaving them stuck with whatever setting was last active.

Pathetic. All this for temperature control and sleep measuring? OK we all know the real reason is for collecting and selling data.

You know that thing where they say "if it's free, you're the product"? This bed costs 2000 bucks and you're still the product.

One viral post from tech enthusiast Alex Browne summed up the absurdity after his Pod locked itself nine degrees above room temperature. “Backend outage means I’m sleeping in a sauna,” he wrote.

These mfs haven't even implemented a fail-safe mode! Why the hell doesn't the bed lock itself to room temperature at failure? Like you have an app and sucking data like a vampire, but you cannot implemented even the most barebones safety feature.

lol. lmao, even.

Skill issue

what in the fuck is a smart bed

Hard to feel bad for these fools. The AWS-crash however has reminded me of my wish to get into self hostong, which has remained a dream for now. I wish I wasn't getting side tracked every day (the whole day too).

Not so smart if it doesn't even account for the loss of WiFi.

Smart to burn the users

It's the bit with Milhouse's dad and the race car bed but it's me and I sleep on a big futon that doesn't brick itself.

Shit, I lost my fart count