Like yeah, exactly. With the right person, you can talk for hours and hours about all kinds of stuff that interests you.
with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
One of the best relationships I ever had.
This! Silence is so much better than unnecessary and forced talking
Absolutely, but a lot of people don't understand that you can't arrive to that point by not ever "small talking" along the way. Small-talk is how we express to each other how we feel, how we want to be talked to, what we notice around us and so on. It's a critical component to socializing. Conversations between human beings doesn't play out narratively like in media and movies, there's no "point" to conversing with someone you're close to, you're just sharing shit.
But also meaningless bullshit. That does not denote a bad relationship.
Exactly. I can't remember where I heard this - it might have been a podcast like RadioLab or something else - but it was talking about how happily married, intelligent couples talk to each other .
It turns out, it's not usually super deep, intelligent conversations. The vast majority of conversations are just meaningless bullshit. Most of the time, couples aren't even really talking to each other, but they're just kind of thinking aloud. Stupid stuff like, "I swear I saw a dozen blue Volkswagens today."
It turns out that people who are comfortable with each other don't need to have deep conversations all the time. They can just relax, unwind, and be themselves.
The way I understand "Smalltalk" is not whether the subject matter is "serious enough" but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
This exactly. "Do you think free will exists" could, in fact, be small talk, if neither of you is particularly interested in the topic.
My wife and I will sit in the same room for hours and never speak a word to each other. We only talk when we have something to say, and we're both happy with that relationship. My sister thinks we're crazy, but we like it quiet.
My steppairents are like this and beeing with them, at a meal table, and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it's still off as fuck.
"Such weather we're having huh?"
Truly peak romance
But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”. Observation and response is a perfectly normal way to start a conversation
Lotta folks on both sides of this conversation who have never been in a long-term relationship.
No, we just stfu when we don't have anything interesting to talk about. It's not complicated.
My wife asks how my day was "great, or good, or whatever" then I ask how her day was she usually stops talking before bedtime. Works for both of us!
Asking someone you love "How was your day?" is a meaningful question. Small talk is bullshit time wasting between randos or acquaintances.
When I say "I hate small talk" I actually mean "please Shut up, Im really anxious and I don't know what to respond to you other that nodding and «Thats crazy»"
It's not small talk, because i actually care how my wife's day was.
after you get through all the asking each other stuff to get to know each other's histories etc phase, it's okay to just not talk all the time
Silence is bliss while doing your own hobbies together.
I do exactly this ! Hi honey how was your day ? Kids were restless ? Ok. Does that affect your stance on education through play ? is punishment sometimes advisable ? you haven't read your copy of Foucault's Discipl.... hey where are you going ?... baby ??
I absolutely love questions like this! My wife absolutely hates them. She often gets irritated when people ask questions about what you think.
Like when our therapist asked her "How do you think your actions contribute to your own unhappiness?"
Not spelled like that, no.
Small talk is the equivalent of dogs sniffing each others ass. The topic isn't really the point, it's just a quick and easy way to gauge another person's mood and attitude towards you. It's a skill worth developing. And I say this as someone with social anxiety.
I REFRAIN FROM THE PRACTICE OF UTILIZING MINISCULE SPEECH. EACH AND EVERY INSTANCE OF MY EXPRESSION IS VAST AND VERBOSE AND MAXIMAL.
Being in a relationship means you can come home and totally info-dump unguarded about whatever weird thing you're contemplating and the person opposite you will be happy you're there and delighted that you're happy or sad with you if you're sad. It also means you do this for the other person with genuine interest. I don't call that "small talk".
This is it.
My wife comes home and fires on all cylinders about her day. Then I share how much my one coworker sucks and what they did today.
Then we wonder about the heat death of the universe.
Is or is not talking about how your days went considered small talk? I literally don't know now. I'd say it's small talk.
Small talk is a way to gauge someone's mood before going for the bigger discussions
If a colleague asks me "Hi, how're you doing?" it's small talk and I'll respond something like "Oh you know, the usual." If my partner asks me "Hi, how was your day?" it's a genuine question and I will respond "That fucking dickhead at work that always plays nice and personable came around with another set of "urgent" requests and no fucking clue what he's actually asking for, whether it's possible or why I told him last week it isn't."
The difference is in how serious I take the question.
ITT we ask the autistic to self identify
Literally yes.
if you're in a relationship you can just hug instead of small talk
The real answer is it doesn't matter. I feel like I have free will hence I have free will for all meaningful intents and purposes.
Neither argument can be proven and even if it's an illusion, it's strong enough to make the truth irrelevant.
Why does the image look like AI generated? How the letters are so fucked up?
Took a picture of their monitor with a phone camera that uses AI image enhancement
Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
These kinds of philosophical questions are easily defeated by asking "does it matter though?"
I don't think that defeats it at all, it just changes the direction of the conversation and is as deeply philosophical as the first. Some might say life goes on with or without free will so it doesn't matter, other say that the a societal acceptance of the absence of free will removes the burden of guilt, and could reshape society in very profound ways, so of course it matters.
Small talk != big talk
Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
“Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
Is that because you are choosing to, or because of destiny?
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