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I'm annoyed that our ace users are being exposed to this discussion. Not every space has to be sexualised. It's not prudish, it's just respecting people's differences.
Please just spoiler tag it. It's not a big deal.
Yes, our site culture is a little different - it's trying something unusual - but for some people having an extremely LGBTQ positive space where sexual content is opt-in is like drinking the most refreshing glass of water you'll ever experience.
for some people having an extremely LGBTQ positive space where sexual content is opt-in is like drinking the most refreshing glass of water you'll ever experience.
Seconding this, I much prefer this type of stuff being opt in
Really don't comment on people's appearance unless its positive (and not positive in the sense of "I'm helping them!", like genuine... idk), and even then never with strangers.
Only comments I ever make on people's appearance are if they've clearly put thought and effort into something about their outfit and it may brighten their day to hear those choices validated. And it's gotta be something innocuous that can't come off as sexualizing them like, "love those spider earrings" or "the birds on that dress are great". Basically, validating the choices and efforts someone's made about their outfit, never anything about their actual body because 1. that's very invasive and unwanted and 2. there is only a very small degree to which people have any control over their bodies' appearances.
It's weird but I've gotten compliments from people, mostly women, on my body, out of nowhere, and it's just come across as creepy. It would have been much appreciated if we were together or had some established relationship but these are complete strangers commenting on how nice my eyes or arms or facial structure is and I'm just like "get away get away get away"
But someone commenting that they like my death to fascism shirt, or some band shirt? That's totally fine.
I saw a guy with a cool mohawk the other day and I said "nice hair" and he looked like he thought I was insulting him. 
Unfortunately the ironic compliment has destroyed a generation of people's ability to take any compliments
Which is why i always respond to compliments with "Thanks, it has pockets!"
I think when it comes to critical comments the "can it be fixed in 10 seconds" rule is great.
Someone has something on their face? Tell them they can fix it.
They look tired? They can't help that shut up.
I think a big part is trust of the person saying it. Plenty of people have appreciated it when I've notified them of a make-up gaff (that they were previously unaware of). (also I usually look slightly concerned for them)
That's not prudish that is reasonable. Prudishness is when people think less of people who enjoy sexualising themselves or demand that perfectly harmless behaviours be 'kept behind closed doors' and so on.
Edit: to be concrete if you find sex as a hobby more controversial than carpentry you might want to examine why. Or if you complain about 'public displays of affection' but think that people whinging about punks playing street music are frustrating boomers maybe you're confusing your own preferences with moral truths.
But sexual liberation is for everyone, including people that want as little sex as possible. It's about a world where we respect each other, and recognise that what people do or don't do doesn't suddenly become a huge fucking deal because it relates to sex and sexuality. Wanting to avoid sexual attention, or not caring one way or the other, is just as valid as wanting to center your whole damn life about it.
We're all just food for worms.
Edit: to be concrete if you find sex as a hobby more controversial than carpentry you might want to examine why.
It's bullshit really. It's perfectly fine and normal for my neighbours to wake me up a 3 in the morning with their hobby, but if I take out my hammer and nails to finish off that chair, suddenly I'm the bad guy!
Noise pollution ordinances are a fascist conspiricy to keep the shift-working chainsaw sculptor down.
Thank you!
I don't even think the original post you made this post in reference to said anything remotely like that but the title of your post is not wrong.
It gave me that impression though, calling Hexbear prudish and puritan
It gave me that impression though
oh well shut down the entire fucking site, someone got the wrong impression??
Like if anything I think this post kinda validates their claims of Hexbear being prudish and puritan because here you are going "This might cause a struggle but: Calling people prudes for not wanting to sexualise themselves is bad" when the post you're referencing never did that lol.
Swear half the 'struggle sessions' on this site are someone getting the wrong impression from a post and suddenly going "WOW Hexbear is on some shit, there have been multiple posts calling for Hexbears to sexualize themselves and calling Hexbears who don't want to do this prudes"
I get your point lol
Keep in mind that I am very stupid
I didn't mean to come off so angry and do not want to imply that I think you are stupid - so apologies if it read like that.
It's really just acephobia.
Leftist and even specifically queer spaces struggle enough with allonormativity as is, but these kinds of takes (calling people prudes for not wanting to sexualize themselves) are just explicitly acephobic, whether they intend to be or not.
God, thank you for this. My partner and I are both ace and we get called prudes a lot for being repulsed by a sex scene in a movie or a dirty joke or something. "Grow up, you're not 11". BUH.
GOOD POST
The older i get the more i appreciate people checking in before discussing sex, or mybody, or actually just dont talk to me if youre a sexpositive loser enthusiast.
I will be wearing jeans and a tshirt, don't tell me I won't be sexualised for that anyway.
solidarity.
This might cause a struggle
I hope not, it's an entirely reasonable take.
I made this post because of this recent post https://hexbear.net/post/4904490 which complains about how "prudish" and "puritan" we are.
I usually don't do this but we have been getting an influx of people obsessing over the "loneliness epidemic" stuff and it's starting to bother me.
Folks don't realize how good we have it here. We purposely avoid a lot of sexualized comments and hornyposting. Mods try to be on top of things. And for opsec reasons we avoid posting people's faces. Reddit was so fucking terrible with the comments, the chasers, the "my ladies". Leftist circles already have the terrible reputation of men like Barack Obama using their booklist as a way to pick up girls. People treat the DSA as a dating service. One of the OG admins here had to resign for accusations of dming inappropriately with a person in discord.
That shit causes a lot more trouble online than what it's worth.
I've noticed that a bunch of dudes with "problematic" opinions all joined around a month ago. And all of them seem to be determined to make this "their space" instead of accommodating their attitudes to match the space.
As a cis(?) white dude, it's basically what we've been taught subconsciously by society, that you need to "make your mark" on a space. Thankfully, this is one of the best places on the internet to call out that sort of behaviour.
first pronouns OP on that thread has is they/them, comrade
don't disagree with your point, and it's annoying when people (deliberately, imo) misunderstand the volcel bit, but we don't have to misgender those doing it
oh god no. that post sucks ass.
rant, CW: talking about porn and kink, specifically choking
i've noticed this rhetoric, that porn addiction isn't a thing, multiple times here lately. i don't quite get it, but it seems like they're trying to excuse porn consumption as, likee something that doesn't impact anything? which seems very incorrect to me. as someone in bdsm spaces (insert joke about ace ppl being rly into kink here), we've noticed an increase in hardcore acts being normalized in vanilla spaces. this coincides with them being normalized more in porn. the most obvious one is choking. breath play is really fucking dangerous and requires clear consent, but since it's normalized in porn (where consent can HOPEFULLY be discussed off camera), it becomes normalized in vanilla, where consent rules are NOT really heavily used.
and you can argue this is an issue with most cishet ppl, "normal sexually liberated people" as said in the post, not understanding consent, but acting like porn had no influence on this trend is craaazy. and acting like people are evangelical freaks for being concerned about the normalization of hardcore sexual acts through porn makes me s upset
also acting like it's not a real addiction people deal with is super invalidating. obviously anything can be addictive.
i really hope this doesn't become a trend, since this is the only like, site i can use that isn't overly horny and exploitative all the fucking time
hard agree. i absolutely hate being leered at by men and people act like me dressing to avoid that is me falling to the patriarchy, or something? like no, me needing to wear long skirts instead of short skirts to not be leered at isn't on me.
also i am not a prude for not liking random male-gazey sex scenes
As an ace, I would like to add that calling a sex-repulsed ace a prude is aphobic. l'm not sex repulsed myself, but someone asking you to respect their boundaries when it comes to sex-related topics or not being comfortable around sexual media isn't prudish.