this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 hours ago

Sweet baby Jesus I can see this whole thing in my head every time I read it, these previews are so cookie cutter it's insane

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago

And jack will cheer on the Gaza genocide in a press briefing.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 day ago (2 children)

AI will create this movie 20 years from now, I hope you're happy.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 15 hours ago

I'm predicting 20 months

[–] [email protected] 4 points 22 hours ago

Psh there's probably some Jabroni already working on it as we speak

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Final shot is Jack Black clumsily wading through a poison swamp, “not again!”

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

The swamp itself farts with every green bubble that boils and pops on the surface.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 day ago

I absolutely hate this, but can't deny that it's accurate

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 day ago

"Praise the sun!" Start trashing the cinema and blasting take on me full volume

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 day ago (4 children)

They already created this game.

It was called Brutal Legend

It was quite good.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago

That was unfortunately a Jack Black of a different era. This one abandons his lifelong friend to be as hollywood safe as possible for saying meanie-bobeanie things about trump (as a comedian on a stage that is known for political jokes)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

Pretty good soundtrack too.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 day ago (4 children)

THIS SUMMER, ROB SCHNEIDER DOOP DE DERP DEE DOODLEY DERP

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

"What? Who cares? YOU'LL WATCH IT. Fuck you."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This summer, unfortunately, Rob Schneider is

[–] [email protected] 8 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

going, FULL MAGA.

zoom in on Schnieder doing a goofy face while wearing a red baseball cap as a slide whistle plays and he says "Who's afraid of the big, bad gays?"

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[–] [email protected] 131 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The fact that they show a Dark Souls poster and proceed to describe an Elden ring movie is very funny. Like the producers don't know the difference.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 1 day ago (1 children)

they'd be proud of the fact that they never played video games, let alone the source material.

look at interviews surrounding halo paramount, "we want to tell our own story in this setting" then proceeds to make garbage that actively disrespects the source.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 day ago (1 children)

“We didn’t look at the game. We didn’t talk about the game. We talked about the characters and the world. So I never felt limited by it being a game.”

The quote is amazing.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago

that's an even better quote than the one I remembered

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Movie is called Dark Souls, plot is Elden Ring. Hollywood on par for the course.

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[–] [email protected] 162 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 242 points 1 day ago

I hate that I can visualize this greentext so easily.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

Yeah, that probably exactly what's gonna happen. Just make sure to end me before that please.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 day ago (7 children)

Well, I know people would watch it.

I did not watch the Minecraft movie myself, no desire to experience a full theater of people throwing popcorn around screaming chicken jockey.

Movie industry is fucked.

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