Well, maintenance of muscle mass will certainly not be helped by low estrogen and testosterone, a common result of going through "trustworthy" official channels.

The whole muscle loss/gain thing is very much "your mileage may vary". For what its worth I've been able to make gains nearly half a decade in. The supply chain disruption thing is scary but can be prepared for and just about every drug that feminizing HRT is comprised of is being used off-label. Spironolactone, for example, is generally refered to as a diruetic. This makes it much more widely available than would be otherwise.

The rest of what Im going to say is much less concrete than concerns about supply or biodynamics.

All things come to an end, and so will you. The possibility that things might get worse in the future shouldn't prevent you from making things better for yourself now. In the end, "what would it have been like had I taken that chance?" stings a whole hell of a lot worse than "damn, I sure fucked that one up".

HRT doesn't have to be a forever thing. Its your body, its your life. If it turns out that you don't like how it makes you feel you can stop at any time. However, if you never start you'll never get to make that choice.

Personally, I spent about half a decade coming up with reasons not to transition until things caught up with me and the fear of the nothing I was becoming overpowered the shame I felt towards my queerness. I didn't want to be dependent on drugs (at the time I was an unapologetic nicotine addict, so this is really funny), I didn't want to make myself vulnerable, and I didn't want to be wrong about all this. I started HRT conditionally, taking low doses of an antiandrogen before incorporating estrogen months later, just to give myself time to accept who I already knew I was.

I don't know you and I won't pretend I do, but I will say this: Go for it, get on HRT, there are people who can help you with the ins and outs so you won't have to go at it alone. This could be one of the best things you ever do for yourself. It might be hard at times but you were never going to lead a life free of struggle, so you should choose to struggle for something good.

I've been on E for 4 months and haven't noticed any strength or muscle loss but I am very eepy all the time now Caveat is that I work a very physical job so my body is getting worked almost daily.

You won't be dependent on estrogen unless you have your balls removed. Considering that the supply of E might get cut off I think holding off on an orchi/vaginoplasty is probably a good idea.

There are online pharmacies and doctors that can prescribe stuff. If you just want to see if HRT is for you, start with pills. If you want to continue I recommend getting patches or doing injections because the pills have a higher risk is blood clots long term.

I'm almost 2 years into HRT and having not done any hypertrophy training or eating at a caloric surplus or a lot of protein, my muscle loss has been minimal. It definitely depends on person to person

It's possible fat distribution may make you look less muscular but the actual circumference of my arms have been almost the same

I did lose most of my strength though

1. There's Cis and trans women athletes (the latter a current target of reactionary response). Yes estrogen is not as advantageous to muscle growth but women/femmes can still be muscular.

2. I've definitely thought of this myself. Estrogen vials from DIY can last 5 years and are quite small to have a supply that long. Stopping HRT is also not the end of the world. Menopause is Cis women basically running out of estrogen and it's rough but they live. If there's still a source of testosterone (no orchie) that is not going undo some estrogen changes like breast growth.

3. Others in the thread can answer as to options based on geography. Some doses of estrogen injection are quite standard. Some of our foremothers thousands of years ago were eating cheese made with fermented pregnant mare's piss and chewing black cohosh and just kind of winging it for their whole lives. A couple of years of winging with the modern estrogen might be fine.

Can I gently push back on your first and second points?

You don’t necessarily need to see a doctor in order to a get help from a clinician and a prescription. Informed consent clinics could help you. Erin has an article with a map here. It’s USAmerican-centric, but it has some international spread. i can’t personally speak to all of your concerns, but i think the estrogen dependence thing might not be as bad you think? Sorry if that sounds rude. People start and stop HRT all the time, often for financial reasons. It’s not ideal, but it’s not, like, bad for you. Physical changes do reverse when you stop, but i would say the mental benefits of taking it whenever you can are worth it.

1. Having been on HRT for 1-year, I haven't yet noticed muscle loss personally. Was also one of the things I was worried about. I'm not particularly strong anyways, but being the tallest in the family means I have an advantage in moving large furniture regardless of strength.

2. Seems more like an argument for not getting an orchi. You could always quit afaik (granted, slowly weaning off is probably safer). Stockpiling some vials gives you some wiggle room as well and even if you had no stockpile and got an orchi, going a few years without any hormones isn't gonna kill you. I got lasik mostly because I didn't like being dependent on glasses, so I get the sentiment. OTOH, I already take other medicines daily and my QoL would be significantly worse without them, but I'd survive.

3. Any virtual options? Granted, you should be checking blood levels occasionally. Not sure what the at-home options are.

You should get a weapon of some kind if you can. A gun, pepper spray, even a self defense flashlight is probably better then getting in a physical fight.

Like others said, unless you get an orchi you can go back. Also like- do you want your whole life on T? I don't know how old you are but, I really don't want my situation getting worse. Something to think about.

You won't fuck up your body with E. Diy is safe and pharmaceutical grade. There's a lot of leeway with levels before they become dangerous, as I understand it too much is usually just ineffective. Its chill, you'll be fine. Honestly I'd trust any trans person over a cis doctor. Way better care and outcomes from what I've seen.

maintained the washboard even though i barely worked out even pre-e. working on gaining weight now and it's slowly being hidden I think.

also i mean you can choose not to take e to not be dependent on it your whole life, and in doing so I guess you can just not transition.

as for estrogen safety, estrogen is estrogen. you can go buy it "diy" from a pharmacy if you're so concerned. and dosages and guidelines aren't that difficult, use a "starter"/"typical" dosage and then get a bloodtest if you want to be doubly sure. A "legit" endo won't care any more than you will, just from experience with all doctors, and given how rare we are, they are more likely to fuck our doses up than we are simply because they don't know and doctors just can't seem to admit that they're not omniscient.