I keep avoiding the topic with myself. I would like to do HRT but I mainly spin the following reasons in my head for not doing it:
-
Muscle loss, I cant work out as often as I would like and it would be visible. I don't feel secure without some muscle to seem intimidating so I can defend myself. I am rather visibly queer and already get harassed as is for that and wearing a mask. I dont know any self defense and having muscles at least deters some people.
-
I dont want to be dependent for my whole life on estrogen. Logically speaking I want it but I keep thinking in war scenarios, or travelling, or anything impredictable it would basically be near impossible to get and I dont want to depend on something I cannot obtain easily and cant control the circumstances
-
Where I live there are no trans friendly doctors and I do not trust myself with DIY dosages at all. I wouldnt trust the DIY source in the first place, and even then making sure I dont fuck up my own body is too big of a responsability. I likely have OCD and freaking out if I did the dosages correctly or some small random shit would not do me good. Would very much prefer doctors but impossible in my case.
Asides I would really like the changes mentally and physically. I am too hesitant to get into this without proper help from a doctor or such. I've been reading HRT materials for at least an year and I still find a lot of the chemistry things confusing and dosages.
Having been on HRT for 1-year, I haven't yet noticed muscle loss personally. Was also one of the things I was worried about. I'm not particularly strong anyways, but being the tallest in the family means I have an advantage in moving large furniture regardless of strength.
Seems more like an argument for not getting an orchi. You could always quit afaik (granted, slowly weaning off is probably safer). Stockpiling some vials gives you some wiggle room as well and even if you had no stockpile and got an orchi, going a few years without any hormones isn't gonna kill you. I got lasik mostly because I didn't like being dependent on glasses, so I get the sentiment. OTOH, I already take other medicines daily and my QoL would be significantly worse without them, but I'd survive.
Any virtual options? Granted, you should be checking blood levels occasionally. Not sure what the at-home options are.
Best of luck!