Sick and fucking feeling like absolute dog shit and in too much pain to really sleep and am so exhausted
this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Hi everybody! My schedule has been really unforgiving, so I may or may not end up writing something and making changes to the post later in the week.
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I hurt my lower back violently thrusting my pelvis to the dubstep remix of Sweet Caroline
And what was my crime, drooling over a twink? A succulent twink?
Thinking of trying lingerie for the first time, what do yall think of this?
Okay, but I need the Eeyore one
that's a bit intimate
I think I want to get a collar for myself now... I don't know how to feel about this revalation...
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I got new glasses and they're cute as hell
fuck yeah to cute glasses
trauma
Since going on hormones , I experience emotions more intensely. Did it make anyone else's repressed trauma come out? I feel like I can experience my past and current experiences with loneliness, dysphoria and bullying with more feelings now.___
trauma
Pretty much, yeah. Being able to feel more emotional helped me gradually start to recognise and unpack how parts of my life have negatively impacted me, and it makes the big emotional events feel stronger now. But I think it's more helpful than harmful to feel that way, and it also makes the nicer events feel much better too.
spoiler
As an egg how I dealt with what I now understand to be dysphoria, with trauma from my family, with pretty much any emotion besides anger was to repress it.
HRT made me feel my emotions way way more and with way more granularity. I've described it like my vision was before I had glasses and then after I put them on for the first time. It was hard to deal with because I couldn't really repress all those feelings anymore and I just had no tools to deal with feeling shitty emotions that you can't just lock away.
It sucked because I had to deal with a lot of repressed shit but it was nice to finally grab a hold of it, and it was very nice to have the words and ability to talk about what exactly I was feeling
I'm pretty sure the only semi-coherent thought I've had today is "Titania from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn transed me," and it's just kinda been floating around in my head all day refusing to leave.
Wtf based????????
bottom dysphoria
Fucking... penis nightmares. Haven't had much of those since first puberty
politics
Seeing what Trump and the Republicans are doing, and plan to do, makes me so doomer and there's nothing I can do to get out of it. They are winning. People hate us. They support these EOs. The end goal is eliminating us.
dysphoria
I love my long hair but it makes shaving my face so much worse and more frustrating. I hate every part of it. god I wish I was cis. I never want to deal with this again. Horrible, horrible stuff.
spoiler
It's one of the reasons the grey market and DIY in general is so important for our resilience as a community. They can declare whatever they want to be illegal, we can get our hormones regardless. It isn't easy and it sucks but we can survive.
Cis women sometimes have facial hair, number one customers of laser hair removal and electrolysis is cis women (which is why it's such a pain in the ass for me to find someone to do my fucking shit!!). You'd be surprised how many have the same complaints you do lol
Dysphoria
Fwiw the hair will stop getting in the way while shaving when it gets longer and you can put it behind your ears. Probably just needs a few months. You're just in the awkward period rn where the hair is long but not long enough to be usable for anything yet. Once you're past it you won't need to deal with it again.
pointless complaining
Feeling the dysphoria so much lately. Why does all the trans stuff have to be so much gatekeeping by insurance / medical professionals / etc. . Top surgery would improve my life so much. But no. I do own a binder, but it's too small, I need to get a bigger size before I can wear it, it's expensive, and it's not the same as actually fixing the problem of having the wrong body. No hope of transitioning unless either my family changes their opinion on trans issues or I find someone else to support me. Sad. 
spoiler
I have the exact same issue where my binder is too small and a new one is too expensive 
spoiler
Yeah it's fucking annoying and expensive and just unjust. It's a real inequity.
I hope your family comes around or you figure out how to get stuff sorted on your own (tall order, I have support from people and I have spare cash and it's not like it's any easier except my threshold for bullshit and willingness to be pestering and annoying maybe).
What do you need your families support for top surgery? For them to pay for it or be on their insurance? It's definitely not cheap but you could save up for it.
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sharing isn't pointless dear idk why it helps but it helps and we are here for you to share these feelings with.
i'm sorry to hear you're going through some dysphoria. It really does suck that so much of what should be so simple is denied to us due to politics.
How do you even meet other trans people IRL? I guess there are places where they meet or whatever, but I am too afraid of everything to go to an unfamiliar place somewhere alone to meet with people I never seen before.
I met some trans people through leftist/activist groups and sometimes I go to radical queer meetups.
If you can find any kind of meetup that matches your vibe a bit I think it is very much worth the anxiety and stress to go. Being trans can be such a lonely experience and it feels really nice to meet other people who are going through it too.
The best way would be to ask some queer/trans person in your vicinity if they know some kind of meetup group because then you already know 1 person.
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Support groups and then friends of trans friends for me.
i met my trans gf on Lex, some other trans friends on Bumble for Friends and have made other rl trans friends through these initial online friends.
lex got bought and is kind of shitty now but it's still, at least by me, super queer and active daily so you'll see people post local events like meetups you can attend.
I understand many of the local queer places advertise on instagram and facebook as well as you might try these platforms if you can stomach them.
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Bought girl clothes that I donβt totally hate or feel completely dsyphoric in 
Congrats!! Cute girlmoder on the way soon!
and betray my boymoder roots?
Does a flower growing betray the seed it once was? A boymoder blooming into a girlmoder is the same way.
(Sorry this is a cheesy as hell reply lmfao, I just had to go for the flower metaphor after you said roots)
Does the lark betray the egg? (Nah, a little on the nose)
Does the ember betray the spark?
Does the dawn betray the dark?
Does the lark betray the shell?
Does the echo betray the bell?
Does the swell betray the tide?
Does the mud betray the slide?
Does the smoke betray the flame?
Or was it all the same?
ooh 'Does the echo betray the bell?' actually has a nice rhythm to it, too
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been posting on xhs so much i keep going to translate my posts here into mandarin before remembering it isn't necessary π ε¦οΌ
someone help me understand why people give a shit about the met gala. it's a party i'm not invited to, why should i care?
God's Sleepiest Princess has transformed into God's Most Caffeinated Queen.