this post was submitted on 16 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 69 points 5 days ago (6 children)

we enshrined his torture and put it literally everywhere. you think that might have anything to do with it?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 days ago (12 children)

Well people said if he comes back he's going to slaughter all of us, maybe making him afraid to come back is the point? Haha

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago (4 children)

It's not like all humankind suffers and he is a relatable representation of our own suffering. Kind of like Iron Man or other heroes.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

"you think if JFK comes back he wants to see sniper rifles everywhere?"

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[–] [email protected] 113 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I feel I've seen this exact joke in an SMBC or something several years ago

[–] [email protected] 110 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 days ago

Even more similar than I remembered!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 days ago (1 children)

The joke has been around a while, so they probably have made the same joke.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 5 days ago (2 children)

That joke's been around since 1750 BC

Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message:

When Jesus came, Jesus said to you as follows : "I will return when the time is right." Jesus left then but has not yet returned to you as promised. Now you look to my messenger (Sit-Sin) and ask: "Why, then, has Jesus not returned?"

What do you take me for, that Jesus would not return to me after visiting? Would you treat somebody like Jesus with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to invite Jesus to return several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun to whom Jesus has not returned?

You alone ask why this is so! Take cognizance that (from now on) Jesus shall exercise against you the right of rejection if you have treated him with contempt. How did you treat Jesus when he visited?

Translated from the original Akkadian: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/complaint-tablet-to-ea-nasir (er... this is a joke btw)

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 days ago

Top tier joke, mate.

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Jesus ain't coming back until people stop wearing crosses around their neck, scaring him away.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 days ago (5 children)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

I think they mean because Jesus was supposedly murdered on a cross, and then his followers wear said cross as a symbol of their love for him or some shit - which is honestly kind of weird.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 days ago (2 children)

You think that's weird? They drink his blood and eat his flesh too.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

I wouldn't come back either

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 days ago

It’s so interesting to see reactions of horror triggered by a mention of kindness suddenly putting one’s own actions into perspective.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 5 days ago (2 children)

A press conference with aliens? I don't think so. They'll be killed and get a very detailed autopsy as soon as they put their feet on the ground

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago

Then I hope they have no feet! 🤪

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago

Unless we were threatened with overwhelming power.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 days ago (1 children)

More like "what didn't we do?"

Am I right?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Like 90% of what he told us to do, for starters.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

That 10% is doing a lot of work here

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Jesus: "Love one another."

Everyone else: "We're gonna kill that son of a bitch."

[–] [email protected] 37 points 5 days ago (3 children)

There's a sci-fi book series called Hyperion where one of the main fucuses of the far-future theocratic government is to search for signs and symbolism of Jesus on other planets. Since if you find an alien species worshipping Jesus or using cross symbolism, you've all but proven that God exists.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 days ago (6 children)

You will prove that one god exists?

Or even less, you will prove that someone with god-like powers exists?

Or even less, you will prove tat we live in a simulation written by some christian sect.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago (8 children)

Will be reading this if you think it’s worth it.

I’m a huge fan of classic sci-fi (Asimov, Heinlein). How does it hold up?

And before someone eats me alive about Heinlein, I’ve heard it all. Been a fan since I was a kid and the ideological side of it doesn’t matter to me as much as the stories these days. I’m an atheist because of authors like him. I wouldn’t take it back for anything.

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 5 days ago (48 children)

TBF, his (hypothetical) dad planned the whole thing.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 days ago (15 children)

Yes, but only because he knew our nature, and still wanted to love and forgive us, despite being quite unforgivable.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Yeah, but wait until you hear what these green guys did to Santa.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 days ago (2 children)

We killed God. And we'd do it again if given the chance.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 days ago

Oh, I know a good chunk of this country seeing a brown skinned guy helping out the poor and being all woke and shit, would put him right back up on that cross.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 days ago (1 children)

God creates earth. God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys god. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

I can't read these comics without being reminded of a character in Community reading "Warren Piece"

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 days ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

If y'all think Jesus is so good you should meet his hermanito lupe.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

Explanation: humans suck

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

If Jesus were to show up on an alien planet would He be incarnate as an alien

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Yes.

The question is, would he be alien to us or them.

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