this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2024
758 points (97.6% liked)

Microblog Memes

5640 readers
2956 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 115 points 2 weeks ago

"What is my purpose?"

"You give handies to Elon Musk."

"Oh God."

[–] [email protected] 87 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Gross misuse of technology.

We're just going to ignore that there are open source plans online for motorized multi-axis articulated under-desk fleshlight mounts, and a library of videos with 1:1 motion mapping? Plus it has safety controls to ensure it doesn't snap the "cylinder".

Go green! No need for a whole robot when you're only looking to use a single part.

(I mostly just wanted to curse others with knowledge of the robo-vagina. Can't find the github anymore because a bunch of companies got in on it and dominate the search results now)

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

I love that this exists and I think I know what I'm getting my wife for Christmas

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Oh nice, they've got a Blåhaj one

Image

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

We're just going to ignore that there are open source plans online for motorized multi-axis articulated under-desk fleshlight mounts, and a library of videos with 1:1 motion mapping? Plus it has safety controls to ensure it doesn't snap the "cylinder".

I was not aware, but I'm proud of the community who did that.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 week ago (4 children)

"You slipped and fell?"

"Yes."

"Penis first?"

"Yes, now get me out of here."

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

“I don’t know why patients try to lie. It’s not like it’s a big deal”

[patient walks in with a butt object]

“Oh gee, how’d it happen?”

All they gotta do is not ask. I assume it’s not medically relevant. Dude’s got a cucumber in his butt, everybody knows how it happened. What’s the point in asking?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

You've obviously not had the same sorts of completely innocent accidents I've had throughout my life.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Probably to make the patient squirm and see what excuse they come up with so the job isn't as drab?

More seriously, they need to know the circumstances of any accident to be aware of potential other complications or risk factors. That's just a standard question they have to ask.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Oh god I remember this

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 week ago (3 children)

It's his penis. The cylinder is his penis.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's an old meme from Reddit. Guy got his penis stuck in an m&ms tube.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

People have been getting their penis stuck in things for as long as there have been holes.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

When I was in high school, my biology class did a stream study, and the class funny guy was documenting it with a big vhs camcorder. I was standing next to him when he saw a broken drain pipe sticking out of a wall. He pointed the camera at the pipe, and called to me. "Hey, themeatbridge. See that hole? Don't stick your dick in that hole."

I laughed, because it was funny, and the class also thought it was funny when we watched it later. So funny that it became the thing everyone said to me for about 6 months. "Hey, themeatbridge, see that outlet?" "Hey, the meatbridge, see that taco?" You get the idea. I became known as the guy who has to be told not to stick his dick in things.

It was almost 30 years ago, and I still have ptsd from it.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

I also agree! I just want to clarify that I knew it was his penis before actually reading this comment because I'm smart too.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Thanks, Sherlock! We couldn've figured it out without you!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

There he goes again inventing things that already exist....

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 week ago

Just tell the tesla employee that comes with the robot to fake its autonomy to let go.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago

So long as the robot doesn't accidentally drop raw chicken on the cylinder

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago (5 children)

1" diameter

Oof! Self burn.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago

I understood that reference.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Well... that escalated quickly.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is the second post I have seen where someone has their cylinder stuck in something is this a meme now?

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

There was a reddit thread where a guy clearly got his dick stuck in a M&M mini tube and refused to admit it, referred to it as a "cylinder" stuck in a tube, and really stuck to the bit.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

Doing God's work.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

Lol, looks like he is still being teased for it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

What's a "reddit" grandpa?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

I'm pretty sure I saw how this turns out on the Orville

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

It's a horn

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

would a cylinder measurement assumed to be in circumference or diameter?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Well, since he said "diameter" in the post, I think I found your answer.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

But what if I went to the Zoolander School for Kids who don't Read Good?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (3 children)

There is no way you went there, the school was way too small.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Neither I think it's just a total surface area so. All sorts of ways to arrange that topology

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

First we had the wankpanzer, now we have the wankrobot.

PS. I would also have accepted wankautomaton, wankpuppet, wankmechanic or wankandroid.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Sounds like they slipped and fell

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Off-topic but I wonder if the hand could be impervious to vitamin e oil

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

if its just 1 inch i wouldnt worry about it

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Oh right that thing. Anyone got a screencap of it?

load more comments
view more: next ›