this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
806 points (96.6% liked)

Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Gun = Rootie Tootie Point and Shootie

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Pointy Shootie

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 month ago

can't believe they left out cruise missile: zoomy boomy

[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 month ago (6 children)

FYI: Defibrillators don't start the heart, they stop it.

The heart doesn't stop in many heart attacks. Instead it just beats erratically and in a way that doesn't pump blood well. Shocking the heart to stop it (what a defib does) causes the nerve cells to "reboot" and start beating regularly again.

Shocking a victim who's heart has stopped is useless and automatic defibrillators won't go off until they've detected the arrhythmia.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago

Hearty restarty

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's essentially the "have you tried turning it off and back on again" of cardiology.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

When I was a teenager my computer survived years of percussive maintenance. All I'm saying is, have doctors tried beating the shit out of their patients?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Mind blown! 🤯

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

I blame House MD for this common misconception

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Yes, thank you, I'm glad you mentioned it here, it doesn't happen often enough. I mean, it's even in the name, right? Defibrillator gets rid of fibrillation - the erratic beating!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

And hippos aren't buoyant.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Brazilian Waxing = Shiny Giny

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Beans = Farty Starties

Because they give you gas (pooty booty).

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And if they went bad, you get booty shooty (diarrhea).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

maybe pocket baby

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

The lol per pixel ratio of this meme was significantly above the mean

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

I am literally reading this on my squatty potty (if you don't have one - BUY ONE)

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

Erectile Dysfunction = Teenie Weenie

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

It's a travesty that they aren't called "Fuzzy Buzzies"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Huh, I thought defibrillators were for arrhythmias, but it's also for cardiac arrest.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yup, and it fucking sucks (better than dying though) to have one used on you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

...now I want to try it. Which is probably unwise.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Call of the void.

Yeah, id probably join you.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

It should be called Hearty Stoppy. That's what they do. Stop your heart so it can reboot in safe mode.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Pooper scooper -> Poopy Scoopy

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

You can thank the US Army for that: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SCR-300

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

I am completely on board with this and suggest we amend all the dictionaries immediately.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Perhaps my favorite meme ever

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I call noodles, long ass rice.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I can only read this in Paul McCartney’s voice…

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Tractor trailers = big rigs.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Well it's that or the Action Comics method.

Alliteration for everyone!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Surely Stamps should be called Lickie-Stickie-Posties.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Prison Snitch = Snitchie Bitchies get the Stitchies

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

glowy hoppy

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Real object names.