this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2024
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"Drinking a milkshake with a straw? Only a squishy lib would do such a thing."

More about Strawgate: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/09/05/tim-walz-milkshake-masculinity-jesse-watters-straw-fox-news/75089097007/

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[–] [email protected] 80 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I had the read the article before it was clear this was satire because the line between that and reality doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The little addition below the title made it clear it was satire. But unfortunately the title could have gone either way.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I'm a alpha omega man level 2 super Saiyan get to my level.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Thank you, I came to the comments just to have that cleared up.. Jfc

[–] [email protected] 58 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Alpha males don't drink a milkshake with a straw, they give it their whole mouth, open up their throat and don't forget to work the balls.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Real men boof their milkshakes

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

And then cry about it while retelling the story to Kamala Harris at a Senate confirmation hearing…

Yeah, you forgot, but Kamala Harris made Brett Kavanaugh cry about drinking beer in his ass, lol

edit: the goodness

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

I'm sure he hasn't forgotten.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

How did I never hear about this‽

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

This also the way they drink bubble tea, poke an opening, then work the hole with their tongue to get the pearls out.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Would you say they're grasping at straws now?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

Two straws in fact. At about face level in what one might call a jerking motion....

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I could take all this wokeness up to here, but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

The whole thing is a straw man supported by the spoon lobby

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Weird, right?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Don't bring death metal into this. Those bros are more likely listening to pop country

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

They probably also think that Five Finger Death Punch is death metal.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

No, it's accurate. They role play being hardcore when they're at the gym. It's when they get back in their truck their fantasy self image role play turns to good ol boy when the pop country comes on. Or sometimes 90's country because, in their mind, all country after that is part of that change they hate so much.

Then when they get home, they role play being a big leader man all in charge as they boss around their little children and make them say "yes sir"

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Milk comes from female animals. Real men drink bull semen shakes.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

They've got nothing on this guy!! They're literally grasping at straws

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I'm guessing this is satire judging by the line "If the massive sugar rush causes your pancreas to explode, all the better. Real men enjoy exploding organs."

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The article is satire about Jesse Waters' real criticism of Walz using a straw

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Ahh, Yes concerts were so great.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Dumping a bucket of ice cream on my face with some loud music playing sounds fun tbh

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

And don't forget to fire your AR-15 in the air while doing it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Well, shit, my water bottle for the gym has a lid with a straw attached to it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Check your genitalia because conservatives have labeled you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I've definitely seen some of the bigger dudes with the same type of bottle. Who wants to tell them?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Might want your balls checked if it is a plastic water bottle or straw? Switch to metal and or silicone for less microplastics maybe...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I get my role model queues from Fox news. My medical advice? From a game of operation.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (2 children)

where do you get your fashion advice

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Hey, leave Death Metal alone. The tough guys are in the Deathcore scene dancing in their hardcore pits.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Aren't all the tough guys more like in the pits of gatekeeping hell, regardless of subgenre?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Honestly the gatekeepers are more the super basementy neckbeards.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

What, he hasn't ever worn a tan suit?

If this is the best they can dig up against him, he must be a pretty awesome guy!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Real men drink poison!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Then why did they cry so much about plastic straws going away?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

When did USA Today become so based?