this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
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[–] [email protected] 84 points 3 months ago (16 children)

To clarify, I think it's when you help other people without expectation of reward.

A libertarian cop would happily save your life from an angry grizzly bear if you paid them for the cost of bullets used, services rendered, and the bear disposal fee.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Obligatory Libertarian Police Department

spoiler

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Why Penn Jillette though? Is he for some reason popular with libertarians?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 months ago (2 children)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_Jillette#Politics

Jillette has previously identified as a libertarian, and stated in 2003 that he may consider himself an anarcho-capitalist. He was a fellow at the libertarian think tank the Cato Institute.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Huh. Thanks. I didn't even know he was a libertarian, only knew him as an atheist skeptic guy (besides the illusionists part). And according to Wikipedia, seems he's no longer a libertarian:

In a 2024 interview, he said he renounced his libertarianism […] adding "Many times when I identified as Libertarian, people said to me, 'It’s just rich white guys that don’t want to be told what to do,' and I had a zillion answers to that — and now that seems 100 percent accurate."

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Wow. He has completely changed. Good on him for seeing the errors of his ways. Also, I'm going to paste a bit before what you pasted to add context, because I think it's worth adding.

In a 2024 interview, he said he renounced his libertarianism as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic after a libertarian group asked him to speak at an anti-mask rally. "The fact they sent me this email is something I need to be very ashamed of, and I need to change"

In 2020, Jillette distanced himself from aspects of libertarianism, particularly surrounding COVID-19. In an interview with Big Think, he stated, "[A] lot of the illusions that I held dear, rugged individualism, individual freedoms, are coming back to bite us in the ass." He went on to elaborate, "[I]t seems like getting rid of the gatekeepers gave us Trump as president, and in the same breath, in the same wind, gave us not wearing masks, and maybe gave us a huge unpleasant amount of overt racism."[53]

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (14 children)

AnCaps are among the most extreme libertarians. Lots of more moderate libertarians think of them as kooks, similar to how leftists think of tankies.

I myself believe in altruism, mutual aid, but also smaller and more effective government. I view large governments and large corporations with skepticism: concentrations of unchecked power are prone to abuse.

I just think humans work better in smaller groups overall. That’s where empathy and personal relationships actually work. When everything turns into statistics we lose our humanity.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 months ago

Don't need a bear disposal fee so long as you have RFK Jr. around.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

But is it really help if it is necessarily transactional? I wouldn't say my mechanic helped by fixing my car because I paid him. If my neighbor fixed my car, I'd say he helped me.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think the concept of "hired help" is a thing, at least. They're not helping you out of the goodness of their heart, but they are helping you because they're being paid to. If my mechanic is able to solve a car issue that I struggled with for a while on my own, I'd still call that a help even when the relationship is entirely transactional.

I think what you're describing with the neighbor is more like doing a favor, if I were to put words to it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Plus it's a psychological trick "Hey, if you help me out with this, I can help you with this". That tells the person you want their help, and you are willing to help them. That's a transaction as well, and improves relationships

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

People focus on the bears thing, and not that most of the libertarians who joined the Free Town Project were men (wonder why women didn't feel safe joining; it's a mystery), and many (surprise surprise) turned out to be sexual predators or even murderers. They also quickly (and deliberately) bankrupted the town through budget cuts and spurious lawsuits, making life worse for everyone who lived there. The whole thing was a shitshow. Who knew that a philosophy of self-centeredness would attract the worst sort of people?

Libertarianism. Not even once.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Big L, not little l. Big L is the party, little l can vary wildly, even starting out along the lines of anti-state socialists / social anarchists.

Like so many things, the modern right in the US has polluted the meaning.

For example, left libertarians will support redistribution of resources, support of green policies, and is strongly anti-war.

The Libertarian Party is just maga that... Well some of them think smoking weed is fine. And they dont want to pay taxes.

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Every time you help another person, a demon jabs Milton Friedman with a pitchfork.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago

Causing him to take a massive shit into Ayn Rand's forced-open mouth.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I hate to nitpick but technically libertarians (especially small l, but even big L, which are different, and you used small l), are fine with helping people and mutual aid and altruism. What they have problems with is that being compulsory. They think that if you want to go help say the homeless or single mothers or animals or whatever your prerogative is, you should willingly donate your money to the cause if you have the money to spare and the will to share, but you should not be able to use the government to point a gun at some other guy to force him donate to your pet cause (i.e their view of taxes.)

I mean, there are certainly things to be said about that as well, some people believe helping others should be compulsory for example, and some things become a lot harder to organize without taxes, but it's helpful to at least understand the actual argument of your opponent and argue against it coherently instead of pushing strawmen that make it seem as if you don't entirely grasp their argument. A better example would be "any time taxes help someone a libertarian dies" for instance in this case.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

i guess i gotta help people now. and that's doubly altruistic because of all the children I'm going to save indirectly.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (8 children)

It’s such a convoluted philosophy it’s impossible to even say what it is because it means ten different things for ten different countries. In my country they are weird amalgamation of monarchists, conservatives and ultra-capitalist catholics but in Russia they like fight for lgbt rights.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No. Actually the philosophy is quite clear. The man who coined the term and was the first libertarian was a revolutionary in the French Revolution. The problem is so many people apply the noun to things that clash with the ideology.

Libertarians are not libertarian. Ideologically Libertarians often tend to be fascistic. But are so hyper self-centered. They do not buy into and will not participate in embracing any group identity.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

I wish people stayed true to the original definition of words. Politics would be much easier to navigate. But alas who doesn’t do social manipulation these days: We are freedom fighters except we hate lgbt and are pro Catholicism and some even want return of monarchy vote for us!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

The definition hasn't changed. Soviet Russia a Marxist leninist Nation had a party called the Communist party. They were not communist. At least not outside of aspirationally. They were still Marxist leninist. But they rely on people easily being confused between nouns and adjectives

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Effectively it changes because we live in post truth society. It doesn’t matter anymore what was the original meaning of the word except to some few nerds that no one listens to anyway. That have phd in politics or something equally useless and cringe.

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