this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I don't want a kill-switch. I want a turbo-button to slice metal sheets with a jet of cum.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

is this one of them brandnewsentences?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

You need a button for that?

If you are experiencing pressure issues just mitigate the issue by adding acids (via special infection cultures in the balls) to the cum, or some abrasive materials (jagged kidney/bladder stones perhaps?).

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago (2 children)

click

Before continuing, please accept the following terms and conditions.... [35 pages of legalese ensue]

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

"you're subscription will expire in 3 days. Renew now to avoid testicular incineration."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Followed by 15mins of unsinkable ads

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

uBlock Origin -Iceberg edition-

[–] [email protected] 175 points 2 days ago (6 children)

Imagine opening a phishing link and suddenly your balls are taken hostage by a hacker

[–] [email protected] 108 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 40 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or I'll give you an errection in front of the HR manager."

Or worse

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or you'll never get an errection again.*

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Even worse

"You are now on a per-boner subscription plan"

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[–] [email protected] 86 points 2 days ago (3 children)

There’s a big difference between this and getting snipped. The difference is, like, vast. It’s a vast difference.

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 days ago (4 children)

i like how each tube has an individual switch. for when you only want some cum

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 days ago

Its so you can decide if its gonna be a boy or a girl

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

If this was controlled by your Google home, it would need a battery, which would need to be recharged. Imagine saying "hey Google, turn my balls off" and getting "I can't reach that device" because you forgot to recharge your ball switch last night.....

We're living in the future

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That's either a very small finger or a very large dick

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

"Mods, deactivate this man's balls."

[–] [email protected] 109 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

After you get snipped, it's potentially weeks/months before you are shooting blanks, a switch like this is less of babies/no babies and more like babies/accidental babies.

Edit: sorry for facts on shit post

[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Yes here is an article about it. Article

The relevant part. “The binary nature of the Bimek SLV might make it seem that you can switch off your potency at will, but the body will need time to flush existing sperm out of the system, as it were. The ever-helpful FAQ says that it may take up to three months, or “until about your 30th ejaculation.” Whichever comes first is a question only you can answer.”

[–] [email protected] 62 points 2 days ago (11 children)

30th ejaculation? pfft, hold my beer and watch this.

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Great! Someone should write HomeAssistant integration!

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"Hey, Google, I'm having sex!"

Google turns down the lights and turns on the balls.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

The stereo starts playing Yakety Sax

[–] [email protected] 51 points 2 days ago (3 children)

So a toggleable vasectomy.

Trouble is you need a several days (maybe a week or more) and/or a few ejaculations to actually be sterile after a vasectomy... So this isn't the kind of thing that you can flip on in the moment and you're safe.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Better to keep it off until you and your wife are trying for a kid than keep it on and flip it off for saf(er) sex. Why keep your cum on while you're just walking around?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

Mostly for fashion reasons

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago

I'd imagine most men would only need to actually use the switch twice in their lives anyways. So having to wait a couple weeks wouldn't be too bad.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

We all know pee is stored in the balls.

So this is just a piss switch.
(Which would actually be a real issue solver for folk with incontinence issues.)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That exists. My great-aunt had one of these for her incontinence problems.

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago

I'd just forget which one is on and which one is off. Also I have zero need for the on setting.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 2 days ago (1 children)

wait till this comes with a monthly subscription

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 2 days ago (6 children)

This, but I want the voice command changed to "Go go gadget genitalia"

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 47 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Hang on one second babe…

(clap-clap)

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I discovered this amazing life hack. If you never talk to women, you'll never have sex with one and then you'll never have kids.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I discovered a life hack to have sex without such a tool without getting anyone pregnant....

🏳️‍🌈

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 days ago (6 children)

Remember to flip the switch back on when you need to pee

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I see two casings for switches. Do you have to toggle each ball individually or something?

Also, how do you remember which way to flip the switch? Can it get turned around?

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Flip them on and off repeatedly to put them in pairing mode.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"FUCK, I came for longer than 5 seconds. Now I have to go through the factory reset AGAIN."

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago

"You've turned on sticky keys."

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

They just want your money, super glue works just as good and it's cheaper, non-invasive.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Forget the Codom and Get STIs

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is the real reason Data doesn't tell everyone where his off switch is.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Dude imagine getting hit with a groin shot with that fucking thing in your taint

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