this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2024
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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 118 points 5 months ago (3 children)

They need to hurry up and tow that windmill outside of the environment.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That's it. From now on no more making turbines out of cardboard.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (2 children)

How about cardboard derivatives?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Cardboard derivative operations are extremely dangerous. They increase the risk of wind spills by 2008%.

Search “CDOs 2008 disaster” for more info.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

How in the hell did you get this much genious into one comment?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That's a great idea. We can just funnel the wind through the straws straight to the equipment that needs power.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

A SERIES Of TUBES!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

But where would they tow that windmill to, if it's not in the environment?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It"s not in the environment, it's beyond the environment

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

But there's got to be something out there!?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

There's nothing out there! Just sea, and fish. And the part of the ~~ship~~ windmill where the front fell off. And a fire.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I’d feel so much better if that field was covered in oil and set on fire. America has lost its values.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

A little extreme but I get it

[–] [email protected] 57 points 5 months ago

This has happened before and they did nothing about it. It will happen again. When are people gonna realize these things are not our friends?

[–] [email protected] 43 points 5 months ago

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Can't they just spin it backwards to get the wind back in the wind turbine?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

That will just leak wind upwards instead of downwards.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Someone take an assload of Dawn Liquid Soap and let's scrub all the wildlife clean!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I was there and got some of the wind on me. Most of it is in my butt crack. Chop chop, get scrubbing.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You're first... smacks lips

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

You know what they say: first is the worst, but second is the best. Your turn! applies minty lip balm

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

It's nature's pocket. Also make sure Tronn4 doesn't pick your pocket.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Eh, he's earned the 3 Werther's Originals I carry in my pocket

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

We have to save the duckies!

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Imagine an alternate world where this was real. Where using too much solar power caused the earth to cool, and wind spills were a real issue that everybody feared, but oil was a truly renewable resource given to us by mother Earth herself.

People would tout the virtues of solar panels, saying that there's no evidence they actually make the Earth colder, secretly scheming for their free power. More and more wind turbines would be built, slowly reducing the winds of the Earth, except for periodic wind spills flattening Farmers Fields.

Hydroelectric dams would be built, but the level of the world's oceans would slowly drop, causing cities on the coast to no longer be on the coast after a couple centuries.

Honestly, I would absolutely read this story/watch this movie.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Something similar actually happened with the crude oil industry.

Crude oil was discovered in 1859 and started being used in the form of kerosene for lamps. It put the whale oil industry out business. At the time it was considered this great new thing since whales were being hunted to near extinction and whale hunts were becoming increasingly expensive to do. Crude oil was that eras "environmentally friendly" alternative, though I dont think they thought about it that way. It was more convenience/availability than anything else.

Then crude oil became the environmental hazard with all the oil spills and many other problems it's causing/contributing to.

I guess my point is if you or anyone else wanted to write up your synopsis as a full story they could research how kerosene put the whale oil industry out of business, the marketing they used and the social/economic impacts it had at the time.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago

Oil would be this amazing renewable resource. All we had to do was dump our waste in the mariana trench and within a few years, it would spring up everywhere as oil.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Is she crying or did Morbo give her a black eye?

NM. Zooming in I can see the streaks

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

It's makeup running because of sweat.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Wholly believable

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Here's just one example, the government reversed the video of this tornado which clearly spilled out of a collapsing wind machine. Joking, but I would wager someone believes that.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Ok that's a good one.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

That water is gonna STAIN!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (2 children)

The only tragedy here is that there are people bumb enough to believe this.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

So you don't believe wind spill all over the farmer's field?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

I know right? Those bumb people.