https://bsky.app/profile/nappydolemite.bsky.social/post/3koucecwxfh2w
My first title worked flawlessly in my head but not at all when I wrote it out...
AQAB? All Questioners Are Bastards?
This seems like a good place to emphasize the "social" part of the word socialism, you arent gonna build a movement out of a bunch of atomized people in a crowd that dont want to talk to one another
Why don't you want to be asked about your interests? That's literally the best topic of conversation possible.
~~It kinda seems like you don't want to talk at all, which is totally valid, but just own it.~~
That was a little harsh nvm
People be asking me what I like to do for fun, but as soon as I get out the corkboard showing off my headcanons about books they've never heard of, THEY ACT WEIRD
Just speaking personally, questions that are super broad like that trigger my social anxiety super hard. The more possible answers I have to a question the harder it is to answer it, especially if I'm trying to use the subject as a springboard for a real conversation and not just listing things out about myself while the other person stares blankly until I crumple into awkward silence, which of course is what inevitably happens after overthinking this. But I'm a socially inept bundle of neuroses so I guess your mileage may vary
Gotta use that opportunity to disgorge as much information at them as possible. Make them regret asking dumb questions, make them pay
This is helpful for me to know. Thanks.
Could you just pick one and talk about that? You don't actually have to list them all out. You could even pick it ahead of time so it's not so much pressure. Since this is a recurring problem for you?
Yeah, I mean I know intellectually I don't have to list them all out and that's not actually, really, what I'm being asked for when someone asks this. And over the years I've gotten better, generally, at just picking something and running with it. It's if that first answer doesn't land though, that the panic sets in and I get this self destructive feeling like I have to justify my whole life, to prove that yes, actually, I am fun and I do fun things and have fun hobbies, please believe me. And ultimately what that really means is that person and I probably just aren't meant to be friends, but damned if I can tell my brain that in the moment
I don't know if this will help you much, but one of my autism masking strategies has been to pre-script responses to common social anxiety triggers. I'm not saying you're autistic, of course—just that our anxieties about socializing may intersect here.
I'll lay out my script for this specific question to give you an idea of what I mean:
I try to break the initial tension with a joke answer. Currently I'm pretty fond of, "Well, I am a clergyman in The Church of the Flat Earth. You gotta go visit the Ice Wall on the edge some time!" In the past I've also used, "Dedicated Bigfoot paparazzi," or, "Seven Eleven was an inside job."
That usually gets a polite chuckle, and I walk it back with a, "But, seriously..." and then I introduce one of my actual current hobbies, but I choose one that's the least weird. Right now, that's painting miniatures. But I frame it in a semi-jokey way, as, "I paint lil army guys sometimes."
3.0. Here the conversation forks. If they respond neutrally or positively, I'll explain what exactly mini painting is. I'll emphasize normie benefits, like how relaxing it is, and how it's really gratifying to produce a piece of unique art so quickly. Or how 3D printing at the public library has made it so much more affordable, because it used to be a rich nerd hobby thanks to Games Workshop's virtual monopoly on the space.
3.1. They react negatively, or generally radiate rancid vibes. I drop a self-deprecating, "Yeah, it's REALLY nerdy." then pivot to the most normie normie hobby I have thst ever normied: my pets. Depending on the person, I'll either emphasize how fun it is to wrassle with my dog and see what kind of stupid tricks I can make him do, or how adorable my cats are and how I can watch them be little weirdos every day.
4.0. From here I can usually pivot to a different topic. I typically turn it back on them ("What do YOU do for fun?") so I can stop talking and regroup. Conversation successfully navigated.
4.1. Or, they're still giving off rancid vibes, in which case I try to have a plausible reason to extricate myself from the conversation immediately. That's going to vary by context. If all else fails, dig into your pocket, grab your phone, drop a, "Hang on a sec. I gotta deal with (insert thing here that applies to your life). I'll be back in a bit." and just bail. Chances are good at this point they're a real piece of shit, and won't voluntarily re-engage.
I know you didn't ask for advice, but your situation resonated with my own experiences, and I thought it might be helpful to share.
Thank you for this write up
We just gonna give
So, what do you do for work?
askers a free pass or what
literally what is wrong with any of these questions, istg
when i'm trying to unwind i don't usually want to talk about work, so i extend that courtesy to others, i know some people enjoy and like to talk about their work but in that case they'll probably bring it up themselves
It is definitely presumptuous to ask people what they do to avoid starving to death.
Personally, I just find that asking about work is very boring and lib if it's the first question that someone asks you. I understand eventually asking that but if that's the question at the forefront of how you think will get to know me, then we are already not really going to match too well.
Back when I used to date regularly, for example, I noticed pretty quickly that more interesting, creative, and talkative people would ask other questions during gaps in conversation and we would either get to the question much later or not at all on the first date. People that would ask that pretty much as soon as we sat down were usually just hyper-normie and thought work alone greatly described the person they were meeting, instead of things like hobbies or dreams or beliefs or whatever. I want to stop short of saying it's an entirely lib, capitalist thing to ask but it is very boring to first want to ask about work and not other aspects that give someone a fuller life under capitalism.
Some people find it classist to ask that to strangers, while others find it an invasion of privacy.
if you go to a party or other social gathering and view the people you might prospectively meet & have a conversation with as strangers asking questions to invade your privacy you're just doing social skills wrong, I don't know what else to tell you
I didnt say I agree with that, but it depends. If theres a mix of high and low income people, it might be a touchy subject. I avoid it personally, until someone asks me first.
Asking peoples hobbies is an ick noted
It depends. I prefer it to "so what do you do for a living."
I am both the guy who asks that question and the guy who makes this face: "D:" when asked that question.
atomization.txt
Death to America
This is antisocial behavior and has nothing to do with the systemic oppression that cops do. This is a dumb tweet baiting engagement and does not belong in this community
If you do not have explicit written permission to talk to someone, then you should not do so for ANY reason.
What communism needs to succeed is more people atomized and less people who can form meaningful connections with others.
i dislike this meme format. i hate cops because they actively uphold the status quo which negatively affects most people. this does not compare to (bad) small talk.
I like talking about myself. So sue me.
The worst is when it's in a job setting. We had a free lunch meeting with some higher-ups in the company the other day and they asked this. My honest answer would be "I like to get high and watch cartoons, maybe scroll TikTok until I'm sleepy," but I have a job to keep, so I'm saying "Oh, I like cooking" instead (which at least isn't a lie). Then one of them comes back with "OhbI lioe to travel, I've lived in 12 different countries." Fuck you. I paid for those trips with my blood sweat and tears you piece of shit.
Good enough for me. Let's include people who ask what you do for a living as well.
People need to be able to express interest in one-another somehow, and asking people about their hobbies is way better to me than asking about people's jobs. Asking people about their interests is pretty harmless, compared to asking about jobs in a world where a lot of people hate their jobs, and rampant classism means that the question is sometimes a way of sizing people up. Besides, for a lot of people the only thing their job says about them is "this is the shit I came across that pays my bills for now."
I teach people not to ask questions like that by answering them in excruciating detail or lack of detail. You're either strapping in for minimum half an hour on why D&D is the inferior ttrpg and it's players should be looked down upon, or you're going to get the word "crime", and no matter how you pry for more information I'm going to say "don't worry, its just the cool ones" before walking away.
I would love for more people to ask me that. It seems like the easiest question posible.