traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
-
Please follow the Hexbear Code of Conduct
-
Selfies are not permitted for the personal safety of users.
-
No personal identifying information may be posted or commented.
-
Stay on topic (trans/gender stuff).
-
Bring a trans friend!
-
Any image post that gets 200 upvotes with "banner" or "rule 6" in the title becomes the new banner.
-
Posts about dysphoria/trauma/transphobia should be NSFW tagged for community health purposes.
-
When made outside of NSFW tagged posts, comments about dysphoria/traumatic/transphobic material should be spoiler tagged.
-
Arguing in favor of transmedicalism is unacceptable. This is an inclusive and intersectional community.
-
While this is mostly a meme community, we allow most trans related posts as we grow the trans community on the fediverse.
If you need your neopronouns added to the list, please contact the site admins.
Remember to report rulebreaking posts, don't assume someone else has already done it!
Matrix Group Chat:
Suggested Matrix Client: Cinny
https://rentry.co/tracha (Includes rules and invite link)
WEBRINGS:
๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Transmasculine Pride Ring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
โฌ ๏ธ Left ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ Be Crime Do Gay Webring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ Right โก๏ธ
The henny got me wetter than whale piss
I die for this shit like Elvis
Haters will say it's fake
Cw sex
spoiler
Uhm I had sex with my ex again. She's the only person who will have sex with me lol but its definitely not healthy. Today I didn't feel as bad but I'm always left with this feeling of "Am I even trans?" afterwards. Like, frankly I enjoy fucking and I was pretty good at it as a guy at least. And so when I have sex I just kinda... do that. Idk what else to do tbh. It's fun for sure but Like yeah... not very gender affirming. I find it's much more gender affirming to have sex with guys foe that reason but.... ugh men. Idk. I'll take any advice
sex
Having sex using your dick is a gender neutral action tbh - it doesn't make you any more or less fem (or trans). As difficult as it might be to separate it from masculinity now, it's very much worth internalising and spending some time with that thought. Fwiw that was a really difficult thing for me to accept and took a while to feel good about
CW: More sex talk
I have been and currently am in the exact same boat as you (minus the ex part). As a warning, my advice isn't fun, but it is what worked for me, kinda.
Up until a few months into HRT, I used my penis to have sex with my partner. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but I certainly didn't like it much. It solved the problem of I'm horny, she's horny, do this and we're not horny anymore. However, we had to take a break for a few months because surgery, but we did it eventually have sex again. This time, it sent me into a wild spiral of dysphoria that took me a while to recover from because of the exact question you posed yourself. "Am I even trans?" After recovering from that extreme spiral of dysphoria, I came to a solution. It was to simply take a secondary role in sex and not bother with my penis or my own pleasure. I simply pleasured her and when she finished, I was finished. That means I've simply not had any active role in sex for a long time now, but it also means that I'm not falling into deep depression because I used my dick.
This is not an easy mindset to get into and just straight up might not work for you. After all, I'm mostly a top with other women so it wasn't any sort of issue. I also garner pleasure from the pleasure of others. So who knows. It might work for you. I genuinely hope you do find a solution though. Your situation is a very unfun one to be in.
I think it is made even more complicated since it's with my ex, but yeah. I may consider this.
spoiler
The thing is... I kinda like using it? It just leaves me questioning and feeling weird. And there are so many women who top in a gay way. I just don't know how to top in a gay way haha. The secondary Weird feelings are that I'm scared I'm falling back into a relationship with my ex. There are a few reasons why I really shouldn't do that and the first being that I can't be in a relationship rn at all. I need to be self focused. But the second is that I'm trying to figure out what I want in a relationship, and I kinda wanna try dating guys too because I've just never given that a shot. Idk I'm venting now ๐
Sex
spoiler
I understand what you mean when you say fucking isn't really gender affirming and that you are kind of accusing yourself of falling into old habits as opposed to working with a newer "feminine" thing.
However, you might try to reflect on this and try to decouple the idea of "giving" and masculinity vs "taking" and femininity. You mention that you enjoy it and you're good at it so... Keep enjoying it! You'll just be a woman who's likes to fuck and is good at it.
Now, if you feel your partners are pushing you into that role or you only do it because it's familiar, then that's a different story.
Try not to overthink it and just enjoy the things you enjoy. And keep experimenting to see if you like other things more.
I got some new jeans today that have basically ended my dysphoria. The way they frame me, I feel really androgynous. It even makes me appreciate my muscularity. It's all coming together!
Update on goodreads commie lady for literally anyone who cares, because I would like to have more trans friends haha:
Still kind of awkward here and there, haven't talked about weird books that much because I kind of refuse now. However, she was already in the know about Madiha S., so selling her on Unjust Depths has been a huge boon. Solid ground for conversation, that encompasses many subjects to stray into. Doesn't even feel that much like a hostage negotiation now, very cool. Feel like I've made progress.
It is really weird however when allosexuality. She is REALLY quite fixated on the sexy aspects of Unjust Depths, which is like, I mean yeah I guess? It has had one scene so far which was neato, because a lot of authors get cold feet when it comes to their transbian leads fucking, but it was pretty brief. Ya girl treats it like the greatest smut ever lmao. Glad she's hyped ig...
Has anyone else ever had a moment where you realized your gender or self identity was more complex than you originally thought? For me, i realized there are layers of my identity that strongly identify with machines and synthetic intelligence. I dont know if you would call that gender necessarily, but thats the closest way I can describe it
Identifying with machines and synthetic intelligence is definitely a gender, and it's an awesome gender.
[Unjust Depths posting] I'm sorry to the author but this shit with Elena and Gertrude is so fucking boring. Yeah Gertrude is okay as far as being a soldier lady goes, but THERE ARE TRANSBIANS AND CATGIRLS on that fucking boat!!!! I want to go back to them!!! Shit, I'd probably even prefer Prince Erich and his evil twink to this. I did not sign up for a regency romance, I signed up for semi-automated luxury transbian underwater communism.
light spoilers for.chapter 4.x idk
Update: Okay so MAAAYBE it's cute that Elena's late mum was in lesbians with Bethany, her maid, and Bethany feels sort of motherly toward Elena about it because they're all gay, and I know probably the Brigand will swing by and use these gays to cause revolution, but buuuhhhhh I miss Murati I miss Yana 
save me gay commies... gay commies save me...
been having an interesting experience where my bisexuality helps clarify gender stuff, and understanding my gender helps being bi finally click for me, in a reciprocal way. For example ill watch something and seeing a cool confident fem character alongside a cool confident masc character will cause clear gender envy for the former and a now-comfortable attraction to the later, such that everything finally makes sense.
most recently happened while watching this video lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qve_9Ut05qk
I wanted to go to the monthly meeting for the local trans group last night but I chickened out at the last minute. Why am I liked this? 
In other news, I got a really cute shirt that has a cartoon corgi that looks like mine and it says "world's okayest corgi mom".