this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2024
762 points (97.9% liked)
The Onion
4440 readers
711 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Average net worth for 35-44 year olds $135 thousand his net worth $119.2 billion. $5 equivalent for him is ~$4,414,814.81
If you skinned and sold squirrels at a rate of 7.56 squirrels per second, you'd reach his wealth in just 100 years! All it takes is a little hard work!
They'd also go extinct after 1 year. Maybe switch to rats.
Probably gone even faster as wouldn't you need a lot more rats to equal what you could get from a squirrel?
You could alternate between rats and squirrels to allow repopulation
Even if you don't end up rich, eradicating squirrels is a pretty good consolation prize.
Rats don't have bushy tails, so you'd lose most of the value.
He can buy a super car with less impact on his net worth than you standing there wondering what to get out of the vending machine
Where did you find that average net worth for 35-44 year olds? That seems much higher than I expected. What's the median?
https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/average-net-worth-by-age
Oh, you actually shared the median. The average is $1.06 million. I guess I know some broke-ass people, and am one myself. Almost everyone I know is well below those numbers.
Outliers are undoubtedly massively skewing the average.