this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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askchapo
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"have you considered not being depressed\socially anxious or poor? Just be better"
sure mate, nobody depressed or anxious or poor has ever found a way to spend their time that helped them grow as a person or have an interesting life story
Yea and thats only possible with time and effort and support from others
Just telling people to "be better" is not support
And im sorry to say but sometimes when a person is depressed they might not have a "interesting life story" whatever that means
Nobody can change your life for you. If things aren't going how you want, no matter what obstacles you're facing, there are only two choices. Do something (literally anything) different, or succumb and wait for the world to drop change in your lap.
An interesting life story can be damned near anything, but it's probably not going to be based on watching a lot of Netflix and hanging out online.
We live in an unparalleled golden age for learning hobbies for cheap thanks to YouTube and the productive forces of Chinese Socialism.
I refer back to my first point; nobody owes you attention. Does the sad sack you're describing sound like a fun or interesting date?
No one owes anyone anything but it doesnt hurt to have a little fking empathy
i think your basic point is correct but you don't have to be such a prick about it
Death to America
Wow way to make a person feel like shit about themselves. Fuck you too buddy
bullshit. i've seen people be rescued.
It happens but I don’t think it’s sustainable to “save” everyone. It’s why the mindset of “I can fix her” is a meme. It’s why people are even commenting here. Even if a communist society is somehow able to magically provide “saving” go every struggling person, but we don’t live there. We live in a hellscape, and we can’t individually rescue everyone.
It’s why we need to create the tools and guides for people to start by themselves and be there when they fall. We can’t walk for babies, but we can show them how it’s done and help them up when they fall.
fucking shut up, chud
support we don't have, time we can't afford, and effort we can't spare because just existing is so arduous.
They do once their depression gets better though? Anhedonia, loss of interest/libido/attention/whatever the fuck else are symptoms of depression. I'm all for self-improvement, my own mental health improved greatly as a result of trying to improve myself, to the point I consider myself no longer depressed. But we're social creatures and no one builds self-confidence and mental resilience in a vacuum. It's often up to the depressed person to put themselves out in situations where this can happen, but sometimes it does not work out for whatever reason and the whole thing is a long process. In this situation self-compassion is a lot better than telling yourself you're a sack of shit.
Also, isn't the interesting life thing all backwards? If you like a person you get curious and find them interesting. If I like a guy I'll find what they are into cool, be it singing, playing chess or knowing a lot about bugs.
No one is owed that kind of attention, but most people are worthy of compassion.
Not necessarily a strict rule. I don’t care for sports and never will no matter how much I love a person. But if they play sports, then I would definitely care about them succeeding and their goals and struggles even if it means I research their sport. But ultimately, I still won’t care about the sport - I care about the other person’s goals and outcomes.
The contrast would be guys who belittle or look down on their girlfriends for being interested in makeup. They may not care about it, but they can at least show appreciation for the effort and do some basic research to understand the allure and challenges.
And even then, OP still has a point. Whether you’re interested in a person’s hobbies because you like them or you like them because their hobbies are interesting, you still need to be interesting. This doesn’t mean you need to go rock climbing in Asia or be awarded for a bunch of things. You can read books all day and provide analysis or comparisons or be knowledgeable in many areas. You definitely won’t attract many people if all you do is play games and stay in your room.
Yeah, kinda. But the framing is all fucked. Someone that can't improve themselves because of depression don't need "tough love" or to hear they are disinteresting and on their own, they need to see the inate value in themselves. Everyone IS interesting, they just have to nurture that and demonstrate it to others.
kinda crazy to see the tOuGh LoVe™ enthusiasts on hexbear
stfu dork