this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
57 points (100.0% liked)
askchapo
22756 readers
32 users here now
Ask Hexbear is the place to ask and answer ~~thought-provoking~~ questions.
Rules:
-
Posts must ask a question.
-
If the question asked is serious, answer seriously.
-
Questions where you want to learn more about socialism are allowed, but questions in bad faith are not.
-
Try [email protected] if you're having questions about regarding moderation, site policy, the site itself, development, volunteering or the mod team.
founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
nobody owes you attention. be better. do more interesting things with your life. whatever you're doing isn't working so do something else.
and above all, the most important piece of advice: if your first instinct upon rejection or things not working out how you had in your head is to lash out and start yelling or saying abusive things then you aren't fit to be in human society yet. kill that instinct by whatever means necessary. chill the fuck out.
"have you considered not being depressed\socially anxious or poor? Just be better"
sure mate, nobody depressed or anxious or poor has ever found a way to spend their time that helped them grow as a person or have an interesting life story
Yea and thats only possible with time and effort and support from others
Just telling people to "be better" is not support
And im sorry to say but sometimes when a person is depressed they might not have a "interesting life story" whatever that means
Nobody can change your life for you. If things aren't going how you want, no matter what obstacles you're facing, there are only two choices. Do something (literally anything) different, or succumb and wait for the world to drop change in your lap.
An interesting life story can be damned near anything, but it's probably not going to be based on watching a lot of Netflix and hanging out online.
We live in an unparalleled golden age for learning hobbies for cheap thanks to YouTube and the productive forces of Chinese Socialism.
I refer back to my first point; nobody owes you attention. Does the sad sack you're describing sound like a fun or interesting date?
No one owes anyone anything but it doesnt hurt to have a little fking empathy
i think your basic point is correct but you don't have to be such a prick about it
Death to America
Wow way to make a person feel like shit about themselves. Fuck you too buddy
bullshit. i've seen people be rescued.
It happens but I don’t think it’s sustainable to “save” everyone. It’s why the mindset of “I can fix her” is a meme. It’s why people are even commenting here. Even if a communist society is somehow able to magically provide “saving” go every struggling person, but we don’t live there. We live in a hellscape, and we can’t individually rescue everyone.
It’s why we need to create the tools and guides for people to start by themselves and be there when they fall. We can’t walk for babies, but we can show them how it’s done and help them up when they fall.
fucking shut up, chud
support we don't have, time we can't afford, and effort we can't spare because just existing is so arduous.
They do once their depression gets better though? Anhedonia, loss of interest/libido/attention/whatever the fuck else are symptoms of depression. I'm all for self-improvement, my own mental health improved greatly as a result of trying to improve myself, to the point I consider myself no longer depressed. But we're social creatures and no one builds self-confidence and mental resilience in a vacuum. It's often up to the depressed person to put themselves out in situations where this can happen, but sometimes it does not work out for whatever reason and the whole thing is a long process. In this situation self-compassion is a lot better than telling yourself you're a sack of shit.
Also, isn't the interesting life thing all backwards? If you like a person you get curious and find them interesting. If I like a guy I'll find what they are into cool, be it singing, playing chess or knowing a lot about bugs.
No one is owed that kind of attention, but most people are worthy of compassion.
Not necessarily a strict rule. I don’t care for sports and never will no matter how much I love a person. But if they play sports, then I would definitely care about them succeeding and their goals and struggles even if it means I research their sport. But ultimately, I still won’t care about the sport - I care about the other person’s goals and outcomes.
The contrast would be guys who belittle or look down on their girlfriends for being interested in makeup. They may not care about it, but they can at least show appreciation for the effort and do some basic research to understand the allure and challenges.
And even then, OP still has a point. Whether you’re interested in a person’s hobbies because you like them or you like them because their hobbies are interesting, you still need to be interesting. This doesn’t mean you need to go rock climbing in Asia or be awarded for a bunch of things. You can read books all day and provide analysis or comparisons or be knowledgeable in many areas. You definitely won’t attract many people if all you do is play games and stay in your room.
Yeah, kinda. But the framing is all fucked. Someone that can't improve themselves because of depression don't need "tough love" or to hear they are disinteresting and on their own, they need to see the inate value in themselves. Everyone IS interesting, they just have to nurture that and demonstrate it to others.
kinda crazy to see the tOuGh LoVe™ enthusiasts on hexbear
stfu dork
how do we not have a bootstraps emote? or is it named something totally asinine
Honestly I love that aspect of our emotes. There was a time where for like 6 months I couldn't for the life of me find
this sort of transactional essentialist thinking wouldn't exist in a better society
I've never been a fan of that saying, thanks for putting that succinctly
I actually enjoy more crude posts like this. It’s the unfortunate truth. Most days I wallow in misery but sentiments like yours are always present in my mind.
I mean - there are people out there who are condemned by society to likely be alone forever. These are the ones who are physically deformed or severely physically/mentally disabled. The latter is because society is ableist and doesn’t want to accommodate people’s needs, and the former is because even the most compassionate and progressive person will have a hard time falling in love with someone who has no eyes or mouth or nose or whose body is misshaped in some way.
Fortunately I don’t face these extreme challenges, and because of that society will give me a chance. I find it insulting that I keep wallowing even though I have the opportunity to change while those who quite literally cannot change in any way are trying their damnest to live a fulfilling life anyway. And beyond that, people form relationships and fall in love in times of war and genocide and slavery. Capitalism or not, money or none, I feel like I can achieve something when I’m far removed from these conflicts. I owe it to the wretched of the earth to live because otherwise the fascists win.
I'm glad to see someone here who recognizes the importance of personal responsibility. The worst thing about leftist spaces is that so many people blame their problems on society instead of looking inwards.
stfu liberal dork