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definitely not just uploading a picture of one of my plants because i forgot about this mega
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I could declare it as lost I suppose. Maybe not the renewal clerk, but anyone else checking my ID would likely throw a fuss seeing M and see someone visibly femmem e.g. workplace or uni, I think at least. I'm like severely depressed and dissociating from myself like I dont like my body but also I feel like I cant take HRT anyways, I need my family's support for now even if I work and live by myself, I cant afford to get disowned right now lmao; so I always postpone it, I should try looking into lower dosages. But then I'm afraid of supply issues, etc etc and I always find a reason to not go with it through and I hate it, feels like I'm always creating excuses, but I don't feel safe at all, so it's hard to think of making myself even more vulnerable e.g. outside. I will try looking into lower dosages I havent really thought that was a possibility, ty!!1980s hair metal band shirts might be your friend for schrodinger's boymode
I pretty much already dress like that, black band shirts or plain black shirts and military camo pants, though now it's summer I can't do that anymore so I'm wearing button up summer shirts from the women's section but big enough so nobody can detect it lmao but meh I still look to masc imo, my fashion sense is sht and I dont have anywhere nice to buy clothes
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I will give you a few pieces of advise, cause I can recognize the whole making excuses thing. I was doing that a lot before starting HRT.
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It does, but it's subtle in the first few years. Especially if you're on a low dose just trying to suppress T.
It's a bit difficult to calculate doses. There are 2 options recomended. Monotherapy with doses high enough to suppress T (since the presence of relatively low levels or E can cause feminisation, the main point becomes suppressing T). And low doses of E with anti-andogens which accomplishes the same effect.
There is the option of just suppressing T with anti-andogens but this has the problem that your body needs a minimal level of hormones to function properly. Suppressing T without adding E is just putting your body into early menopause which won't be good for you. But theoretically you can try it if if dysphoria is that bad.
There is also the option of tuning your T until it is in the tail end of the cis male distribution. This has the downside of needing bloodwork to actually know what range you're starting from and also, to know how your body is taking the hormones.
The final option is to just take a small dose of E. This can help with better mental health but it will still cause some amount of feminisation. If you are worried about being outted, check your genetic situation from family. Plus note that a lot of early feminization, even on full monotherapy is going to do things like changing your skin and BO and taste buds. Breast development is relatively slow even with full monotherapy. Doing partial monotherapy isn't really the recomended path from a scientific perspective but if it provides you with some semblance of peace go for it.
With injectables you can compute the levels in advance through hormone calculators (the rest of the website can also be useful).
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Thank you this was very informative! I probably still want to go with full monotherapy, I dont want to fuck something up with a partial one. But I wonder for how long I can boymod, that would definitely make my life easier; considering I already get she/her'd lol, I could boymod in risky situations as usualspoiler
Partial monotherapy wouldn't fuck anything up. But if you want to go full that's perfectly valid and I fully support your descision. Just remember to take care of your safety.
It's about the valley in between. If people gender you fully as a boy, or as a girl they won't think anything. If you're seen as somewhat in between that could incite negative reactions. If you girlmod, go all the way and make sure to hide your Adam's apple (wearing headphones/scarves around your neck works for this lol), change your mannerisms and voices, etc. But that's hard to do right the first try.
As for boymoding on E, it can work for quite a while actually. But you have to be careful to manage your emotional state around your family or else they could think somethings up.